I recognized myself as a positive, self-motivated person. In everything that I do, I knew my targets, I knew what I wanted to achieve, I knew which direction to follow, and I am certainly able to visualize the vision. I am able to pick a paradigm, to see through a different angle of view and thus, stay positive. Hold tight to what I believe...
Therefore, with this credibility, it is always wasn’t hard for me to make decision for I knew that life is about making choices. Thus, ones need to be brave to make decision and need to be brave to face the consequences of every decision made. For making that decision is our task, moving through the accomplishment of that decision is our task and the results, leave it to the Authorized...
I have made a big decision that has changed my life and the life of the peoples around me…and with the decision, I have obtained an opportunity. I viewed and accepted the opportunity as a golden opportunity and I am just grateful to have obtained it. I am certain that the opportunity was given to me so that I am able to make full use of the potentials in me for the benefit, for the advantages of the peoples around me, especially for the Malays……Thus, I am so highly motivated to move towards the vision that I had for this new group of peoples that I joined.
At the point of joining this group of peoples, I am so enthusiastic, so energetic, positive....
After a few days, I discovered that I am in such a negative aura environment. It is so negative, that it somehow, neutralized my “positiveness”…… however, being a determine person, supported with the encouragements from my love ones, with the hope from those who relies on me, I stand still, fighting the negative charges, building up my courage and hence, I manage to remove the dark clouds that has avoiding me from clearly see my visions. Therefore, I still manage to climb further……even though I knew the climb was not an easy one, as the mountain is so high and there’s no route, no trail, thus, I have to create the route, the trail….but still I am determine, that the vision can be realized. And so confident that a person can make a different...
After a few months, I found myself exhausted, only at a few meter from the ground, and even worse….my visions blurred….I can’t see the top of the mountain anymore. I don’t know which way to go, I am confuse of the purpose of the climb. I can’t visualize myself being on top of the mountain, and leading the group of people that I care about with me, to the top of the mountain, towards the great accomplishment, the journey of a lifetime. I doubted my credibility, I doubted on my capability, capacity to lead the way, to help the group of people move away from the usual, too comfort, non-beneficial, selfish environment of the ground that they used to be, towards the top of the mountains where the new era begins……am I too confident, that I have forgotten to check on my capability? Forgotten to evaluate on the readiness of my group to transform from a normal non-athletic people to a great climber?
And now, I am down, confuse, almost negative. I doubted whether the vision can be realized…I am finding myself moving around in circles instead of climbing upwards. And I am no longer confident that I am able to unleash all my potentials for the benefit of myself and the peoples around me….What should I do??? I am no longer assured that a person can make a different and that a tiny group of high hope people can give a significant impact to a big organization....
I have a great vision of me and my group achieving great things. And with this vision, I continued the climb, creating the trail, everyday…. But now, if I can no longer see the vision or at least feel it deep in my heart, how am I suppose to reach it, to realize it?
Should I just be like most of them, be normal? Just stay where you are, doing nothing or doing very minimum and at the end of every month, get pay and enjoy. Don’t think of others, don’t think of the nation, be selfish.
I wish I can be like them…..but still I am not sure if I’m happy….I don’t get the idea on how being selfish, just thinking about yourself will make you happy.
Thus, coming back to the basic, life is about making choices…..should I abandoned the great vision that I have for me and for this group and start looking for other opportunity and creating new visions with new environment, new peoples? Or should I stay, move backward 1 step, re-evaluate, redefine the targets, sharpen the saw, renew the method and then continue back the climb and have strong faith that we shall successfully reach the top of the mountain……
Hmmmmm......
Ayu
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
S.A.D
Recently, there were many events that make me unhappy, stress, disappointed. I did not cry although I felt hurt, tired, and since I’m such a positive person and always believed that what happened had happened and there’s nothing I can do to change it…..
But until last Friday, I felt like I can’t hold it anymore. I cried and cried for almost half an hour. I blamed myself for all that happened. Although by crying does not help to solve any issue, but it helps because I felt released, satisfied. Then I come back to my senses. And was thinking, why actually I cried? Was it because all that had happened? What had happened were not something that I can’t handle? I’ve been through a lot of much more worst things that this. So, why?
I cried because I felt alone, I felt like there’s nobody that I can share with, to lean to, a shoulder to cry on when I needed it most. I cried because I felt that nobody cares and that I am on my own. There’s nobody saying that it’s okay, move on, don’t worry…….All I needed was a close friend telling me this, to persuade my heart……was I acting childish? Yeah, a bit I guess…..but 1 point lesson is that, when someone you love facing a hard time, or not-so-hard-time, it will be good, comforting, to just be there and listen…..for some times, this is just what we need….
So, I knew why I was crying. It is not wrong to be sad, disappointed. We’re human, so we cry when we sad. We have the right to be angry. But we must know why we’re sad, why we’re angry. We must know the reason of these emotions. And from there we work for the solutions. In order to recover, to continue, to move on, we must come back to the principle.
What had happened can’t be change, even though with tears of blood. What we can change is how we look at it, how we deal with it, how we make the best out of it. How to view the sadness, the disappointments from another perspective, another angle of view? And of course it is not as easy as writing it down, but it is possible, it is something that we can do, if we choose to do it. And as Muslims, we must always come back to the creator………
AYu
But until last Friday, I felt like I can’t hold it anymore. I cried and cried for almost half an hour. I blamed myself for all that happened. Although by crying does not help to solve any issue, but it helps because I felt released, satisfied. Then I come back to my senses. And was thinking, why actually I cried? Was it because all that had happened? What had happened were not something that I can’t handle? I’ve been through a lot of much more worst things that this. So, why?
I cried because I felt alone, I felt like there’s nobody that I can share with, to lean to, a shoulder to cry on when I needed it most. I cried because I felt that nobody cares and that I am on my own. There’s nobody saying that it’s okay, move on, don’t worry…….All I needed was a close friend telling me this, to persuade my heart……was I acting childish? Yeah, a bit I guess…..but 1 point lesson is that, when someone you love facing a hard time, or not-so-hard-time, it will be good, comforting, to just be there and listen…..for some times, this is just what we need….
So, I knew why I was crying. It is not wrong to be sad, disappointed. We’re human, so we cry when we sad. We have the right to be angry. But we must know why we’re sad, why we’re angry. We must know the reason of these emotions. And from there we work for the solutions. In order to recover, to continue, to move on, we must come back to the principle.
What had happened can’t be change, even though with tears of blood. What we can change is how we look at it, how we deal with it, how we make the best out of it. How to view the sadness, the disappointments from another perspective, another angle of view? And of course it is not as easy as writing it down, but it is possible, it is something that we can do, if we choose to do it. And as Muslims, we must always come back to the creator………
AYu
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
CINTA
Indahnya rasa cinta ini
Indahnya hari-hari bercinta
Indahnya dikelilingi pencinta
Indahnya perasaan cinta dan mencintai
Benarlah kata-kata pujangga
Cinta membutakan pasangan bercinta
Cinta membuatkan hati berbunga-bunga
Cinta memberikan kekuatan untuk melakukan apa jua
Cinta merangsang tingkah laku, merangsang nafsu
Dan kerana cinta jua, orang jadi gila
Huru hara, tidak berpijak di bumi nyata
Khayal, mabuk, gila…….
Dasyatnya cinta……
Dan malanglah insan yang bercinta itu
Jika cinta itu diletakkan bukan pada tempatnya….
Ayu
Indahnya hari-hari bercinta
Indahnya dikelilingi pencinta
Indahnya perasaan cinta dan mencintai
Benarlah kata-kata pujangga
Cinta membutakan pasangan bercinta
Cinta membuatkan hati berbunga-bunga
Cinta memberikan kekuatan untuk melakukan apa jua
Cinta merangsang tingkah laku, merangsang nafsu
Dan kerana cinta jua, orang jadi gila
Huru hara, tidak berpijak di bumi nyata
Khayal, mabuk, gila…….
Dasyatnya cinta……
Dan malanglah insan yang bercinta itu
Jika cinta itu diletakkan bukan pada tempatnya….
Ayu
A gift
A gift for your love ones…..
Do you like giving gift? Preparing gift for your loves ones?? I love giving and preparing and searching for gift…ohhh I love doing that.
And often we ask ourselves, what gift to give?? Hmmmm…..do we ask first before we buy the gift? For me, I would always like and love a gift that I don’t know what’s inside the box, a surprise. When we open the box, we were so eager, so curious, so excited, to find out what’s inside. And what is really inside the packaging, does not really matter to me, I would love it anyway. Because, what really matter to me is the thought….yeah…it’s the thoughts that count ;)
And since I like it this way…..I would do the same when it’s come to giving gift. I will not ask what gift would you like to have….I will not ask what do you like….because I will give what I like. Whether, that person like it or not, does not really matter to me…because it’s a gift, its free and that anything that anybody give you will always be the right gift. So, learn to appreciate it and stop complaining because it’s a gift and ones should not be putting so high expectation on gift …..because it’s free ;) remember???
However, for couples, sometimes we do expect a certain type of gift from our love ones…..because we have this thinking in our mind that our dear darling should certainly knew what we want and vice versa….so take note….of the hints given by your love ones….here and there….don’t forget of the clues too
Ayu
Do you like giving gift? Preparing gift for your loves ones?? I love giving and preparing and searching for gift…ohhh I love doing that.
And often we ask ourselves, what gift to give?? Hmmmm…..do we ask first before we buy the gift? For me, I would always like and love a gift that I don’t know what’s inside the box, a surprise. When we open the box, we were so eager, so curious, so excited, to find out what’s inside. And what is really inside the packaging, does not really matter to me, I would love it anyway. Because, what really matter to me is the thought….yeah…it’s the thoughts that count ;)
And since I like it this way…..I would do the same when it’s come to giving gift. I will not ask what gift would you like to have….I will not ask what do you like….because I will give what I like. Whether, that person like it or not, does not really matter to me…because it’s a gift, its free and that anything that anybody give you will always be the right gift. So, learn to appreciate it and stop complaining because it’s a gift and ones should not be putting so high expectation on gift …..because it’s free ;) remember???
However, for couples, sometimes we do expect a certain type of gift from our love ones…..because we have this thinking in our mind that our dear darling should certainly knew what we want and vice versa….so take note….of the hints given by your love ones….here and there….don’t forget of the clues too
Ayu
Are u one selfish thing on earth?
In our life, we have experienced many things, met many people, laughed, cried, played, enjoyed, excited……and all sort of feelings. Of course we learnt a lot too…but on the learning part, do we really learn? Do we really pay attention to our environment, to the people around us, to other creatures of god’s creation? Or we are on our own….even though we are surrounded, we live between them but in actual, we are alone. And we are called the selfish species…..we don’t bother about others…..we just care for ourselves…..our very own life, very own car, our families, which not even included our parents, but only our family….
We just don’t bother…..we care very less for the other things, other than us. We care less for our neighbors and suddenly surprised to see many cars parking at our house, and we actually started complaining about all the cars first before asking what’s going on….it’s a funeral at the very next door….Well who cares, life goes on…When we socialize, the most important things to gain from it, is still coming back to us. We don’t really treat friends like friends. We don’t care much about their feelings, we don’t really know what friends are for, we need friends because we feel ashamed to be walking alone, to be eating alone at the cafeteria. After we finished doing the things that may required a friend, we tend to forget the friend. We don’t call, we don’t even bother to meet him/her and we keep finding excuses when the friend asking for help. So, friends no more…because, that friend is now useless to us, it become a liability…..and we don’t want that.
We come back to our tiny group of people and ourselves that we care so much…..other than that, we just don’t bother…..
The most pathetic thing is that we become that selfish person without realizing it…..and still we do not admit it…….So look around……do you live on your own, that only you that matters, or you live with others with love and with each and everyone. And you play that important role of yours with full-hearted, with high sense of responsibility and the same time, voluntarily… with love…of course….so look around, are you happy being you??
Ayu
We just don’t bother…..we care very less for the other things, other than us. We care less for our neighbors and suddenly surprised to see many cars parking at our house, and we actually started complaining about all the cars first before asking what’s going on….it’s a funeral at the very next door….Well who cares, life goes on…When we socialize, the most important things to gain from it, is still coming back to us. We don’t really treat friends like friends. We don’t care much about their feelings, we don’t really know what friends are for, we need friends because we feel ashamed to be walking alone, to be eating alone at the cafeteria. After we finished doing the things that may required a friend, we tend to forget the friend. We don’t call, we don’t even bother to meet him/her and we keep finding excuses when the friend asking for help. So, friends no more…because, that friend is now useless to us, it become a liability…..and we don’t want that.
We come back to our tiny group of people and ourselves that we care so much…..other than that, we just don’t bother…..
The most pathetic thing is that we become that selfish person without realizing it…..and still we do not admit it…….So look around……do you live on your own, that only you that matters, or you live with others with love and with each and everyone. And you play that important role of yours with full-hearted, with high sense of responsibility and the same time, voluntarily… with love…of course….so look around, are you happy being you??
Ayu
Saturday, February 6, 2010
L.O.V.E
This is the month of February....and in this month, there's a day for love celebration....hmmmm celebrating love....do we really need a day to celebrate love? It's only a day in the whole year, is it enough to celebrate a big thing like love in a day?
So, I don't really agree of having a day specifically to celebrate love. What I would like to do, to have, is to love and to be in love, everyday, every single minutes....love is a powerful feelings....it can do you good if you channel it to the right direction and vice versa....thus, it can makes you happy and insane too...
Come back to celebrating love...you do not need a specific day to celebrate love, it can be everyday...but what you certainly need is to be able to show your love, to demonstrate, illustrate your love to your loves one. For example, love between a man and a woman. A woman would always like to hear words of love once in a while, to receive gift or simple notes of love. Not that they don't know that their lovers love them, but it is a need, a simple needs that often forgetten by married couples especially, that can give a big, bad consequences. Finding and obtaining true love is difficult, but sustaining and maintaining the love is even a bigger, greater challenge.
Love is like a tree, if you don't water it, no fertilizer put to the soil, no sun, it will die.
As for men, generally all or may be almost 90% of them, does not really think that they need to show love....May be it is beacuse of their nature too, plus the high ego...they were like thinking, hey I married you, I'm here with you everyday, I live with you, isn't that enough to show that I love you?? I gave you so many signs of love, so why can't you read the signs....why it is still a need to be saying
"I love you"....
Well guys, it is just three words, and if you say it fully hearted, honestly....your loves one will certainly appreciate it. Again especially for married couples, don't forget those words, those are the fertilizers...and you if don't or forgotten to express your love to your lady, fearfully, your lady will have the tendency of finding a man that will be saying those words and express of love to her...
But of course, it needs two to tango....
So, I don't really agree of having a day specifically to celebrate love. What I would like to do, to have, is to love and to be in love, everyday, every single minutes....love is a powerful feelings....it can do you good if you channel it to the right direction and vice versa....thus, it can makes you happy and insane too...
Come back to celebrating love...you do not need a specific day to celebrate love, it can be everyday...but what you certainly need is to be able to show your love, to demonstrate, illustrate your love to your loves one. For example, love between a man and a woman. A woman would always like to hear words of love once in a while, to receive gift or simple notes of love. Not that they don't know that their lovers love them, but it is a need, a simple needs that often forgetten by married couples especially, that can give a big, bad consequences. Finding and obtaining true love is difficult, but sustaining and maintaining the love is even a bigger, greater challenge.
Love is like a tree, if you don't water it, no fertilizer put to the soil, no sun, it will die.
As for men, generally all or may be almost 90% of them, does not really think that they need to show love....May be it is beacuse of their nature too, plus the high ego...they were like thinking, hey I married you, I'm here with you everyday, I live with you, isn't that enough to show that I love you?? I gave you so many signs of love, so why can't you read the signs....why it is still a need to be saying
"I love you"....
Well guys, it is just three words, and if you say it fully hearted, honestly....your loves one will certainly appreciate it. Again especially for married couples, don't forget those words, those are the fertilizers...and you if don't or forgotten to express your love to your lady, fearfully, your lady will have the tendency of finding a man that will be saying those words and express of love to her...
But of course, it needs two to tango....
Life is muzukashi neh....
Often I have so many expectations on my own life. And when things does not goes as per what i planned, I kept thinking of why that I choose to have so many expectations on my life. I kept thinking of why can't I be normal. Be like everyone else. Like normal average people, they looked happier to me...their life looks easy...they looks like they don't have much things to worry about. It is simple and easy and convenient.
But why they look up to me? Why they want to be like me?
I believed it is because other people's lawn always looks greener to us.....but is it really greener at the other side?
We are always not satisfied with our current performance and our current life. Which can be a good thing and also a bad thing? It depends on how we look at it, how we interpret it, how we want it to be? And thus, it comes back to the basic....life is about making choices....and we have to choose accordingly as what we choose must be compatible with our design or else.....malfunction...
But why they look up to me? Why they want to be like me?
I believed it is because other people's lawn always looks greener to us.....but is it really greener at the other side?
We are always not satisfied with our current performance and our current life. Which can be a good thing and also a bad thing? It depends on how we look at it, how we interpret it, how we want it to be? And thus, it comes back to the basic....life is about making choices....and we have to choose accordingly as what we choose must be compatible with our design or else.....malfunction...
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