Freaking love and freaking me

Recently, I have an heart ache. I am not sure what went wrong. But its really hurt knowing that you are helpless on controlling your own feelings...that you are far from the one you love...I often told myself...over and over....if marriage has a trial period...I will certainly decide not to get married after the trial period ended..hahaha....I never thought that a marriage will took everything from me...love...endless love...commitment...courage. ..trust...high patient...strong mentally and physically...hah...not to make you scared of the thing called marriage...but that's how I felt...

But then I looked back to my loves one...the defensive and protective young man that loves me so much...the acting like a baby but 9 years old girl....that laugh with my presence even though she cant see or hear me....oooo Allah forgive me for having these thoughts in my freaking mine and arrogant heart...they are your precious gift to me but still I am ungrateful....ignorant....how stupid am I....

I am in love and but this love is killing me. I rushed when I was called...I wait even though for long hours...I forgive for everything....I cant wait to meet even though all I see was an unhappy disturbed face....I cried for many2 times for many2 things that hurt me....I am not the main priority....but still my love did not decrease for even an inch....hah... I am so stupid for letting myself allowing everthing...in the name of love....I am the one at fault....for all that had happened...for loving without limit, I certainly have no self respect...

Sad but true...

17 Sept 2013

This song best described my feelings for my loved ones. In going through life, there are times that love satisfied you, love completed you, love keeping you stronger, love that makes everything seems easy and possible. You were there, putting up your best effort, your highest strength, your excellence performance ever....and yet that love hurt you. That one love that you treasured so much...and finally...after all that had happened. ..you decided to set it free...not for your loved ones...but for you...to enable you to continue loving unconditionally...voluntarily...


Selamat ulang tahun - Imran Ajmain

Yang tulus ikhlas
Ingin sekali sekala dirinya dibalas
Walau hanya dengan dakapan di angin lalu

Yang selalu memberi
Ingin sekali sekala jadi penerima
Cukup dengan salam dan manis doa

Aku ingin kau merasakan hebatnya cinta
Dan leburkan saja serpihan calar derita

Selamat ulang tahun sayang
Kini kau bersayap, pergilah terbang
Rentaslah langit cita cita mu
Harap nanti kita 'kan bertemu

Selamat ulang tahun sayang
Janganlah engkau tak terbang pulang
Ku nanti penuh kerinduan
Selamat tinggal, selamat jalan

Aku hanya inginkan engkau setia
Kerana setia yang mencipta bahagiamu

Milik aku....

Aku baru tahu
Beza sebenarnya
Mencinta dan dicinta...

Mencinta milik aku
Dicinta pula belum tentu
Mungkin ada cinta itu
Yang bersatu
Mubgkin ada cinta itu
Sekadar nafsu

Mungkin jua cinta itu
Tidak bertemu
Atau kembali kosong setelah jemu
Layu sebelum sempat bertamu
Hanya ada rindu yang memilu
Menyucuk kalbu
Menghiris bagai sembilu

Hampir setiap waktu
Cinta itu meruntun kalbu
Menyesakkan nafasku
Melemahkan jasadku
Hingga aku kembali mengaku
Ya...
Mencinta milik aku
Dicinta belum tentu
Melainkan cinta pada yang satu...

Walau mungkin berkurang dengan waktu
Walau mungkin menyusut setelah jemu
Atau terus disisih tanpa rindu
Aku akan terus mencinta
Kerana mencinta itu milik aku....

Setia untuk siapa?

Hatiku sakit...terluka ya Allah
Lalu merambu-rambulah air mataku
Mengenangkan luka itu
Menahan kesakitan itu
Perit yang masih terasa
Luka yang mungkin akan terus berbisa....

Ampunkanlah aku ya Allah
Ampunkanlah aku ya Allah
Aku terleka dan terlupa
Melayan hatiku yang semakin tiada rasa
Melayan luka yang kian dalam
Melayan nafsu yang enggan tunduk
dan tiba-tiba tersentak aku
Apalah sangat kesakitan itu
Besar manalah sangat luka itu
Dibandingkan dengan kesakitan
Kesedihan....kedukaan...kepedihan
Saudara-saudaraku di Mesir dan Syria...

Ampunkanlah aku ya Allah
Kecilnya hatiku ini
Lemahnya imanku ini
Dan terlalu kerap aku leka
Terlalu kerap aku alpa
apalah yang ada pada cinta hamba
Apalah yg kugusarkan sangat dalam mengejar cinta seorang hamba
Mengapa aku mengharapkan
Kesetiaan dibalas kesetiaan
Cinta dibalas cinta
Tidak ikhlaskah aku
Setia untuk siapa
Untuk cinta seorang hamba?
Sedangkan cintaMu melimpah ruah....
Sedangkan engkau menjanjikan bahagia pada isteri yang setia
Jadi mengapa aku jadi begitu dungu
Mengharap cinta yang belum tentu milikku....
Menangisi sesuatu yang tidak menentu..

Ya Allah malunya aku
Terserlah jua ketidakikhlasan dan kebodohan ku
Yang menyakiti aku adalah diriku sendiri
Terlalu banyak cintaMu ya Allah
Tetapi aku masih lagi menangisi cinta seorang hamba yang juga begitu lemah sifatnya

Malunya aku ya Allah

Terimalah aku
Aku ingin kembali menagih kasihmu
Agar penuh hatiku
Agar nanti aku kembali kepadaMu
Dengan penuh rasa cinta
Cinta untukMu
Yang begitu sempurna sifatnya....

Why do we choose to let go?

when you told me to let go
I refused
caused I can can't change my heart
like the traffic light change colour

when I want to let go
you told me no
because you said
you need more time
so please be patient

when they told us to let go
we said no
caused the little eyes
the little eyes that we made
that make us look irresponsible

so should us let go?

just because our heart ain't racing
our faces ain't glowing
our hands ain't cuddling

we have been in love once
so why can't we be in love again
why are we busy looking for way out
looking for different directions
when the only thing we should do
is to spend time, hours, together....

love needs promotion
and promotion needs time

we can learn to love again....

I really love the song. It's true...in a relationship referring to marriage, to hold to that commitment and to remain in love with the same person, loving him/her and only him/her alone...will certainly required effort, effort and lots of effort and hard works because love needs promotions...both have to promote love...yes, you may stick and trust the element of loyalty...but these day....there are too many challenges. ...hence, an element will certainly insufficient......why you stay? Because you have a strong reason to do so....and that strong reason is because you are strongly, deeply in love with your partner.....so if you forgot that feeling...please....learn to love again....no reasons....no excuses....and its always not too late...to learn....to love again....



Just give me a reason - Pink feat Nate Reuss


Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that preety
And with every touch you fixed them

Now you've been talking in your sleep
Things you never say to me
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love....

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
Oh, we had everything
Your head is running wild
My dear we still have everything
And it's all in your mind

You've been having real bad dreams
You used to lie so close to me
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh our love....our love...

Ooooo...so you are not so smart....

Earlier, I mean....a few weeks earlier before the election....I have been actively connected to facebook. When there's free time, my hand will be fast, getting the phone and touching that blue F sign. It is because I felt responsible to share with malaysians on what and who I think should take up the leaderdship role and hence, devoted themselves to drive malaysisns towards better \ best malaysians. Furthermore, the group of parties that I would like to suggest malaysians to vote did not get political coverage on the media mainstream...so, again, I felt that I must do this...I must help them to do promotions and of course, for my own benefit, to get rid of the AES summons, toll free highway and not forgotten the free education....and being a muslims...I would of course wanted a true leader that practice islam hearty, zero corruption and brilliant...iQ and eQ....

That is my intention....

But.....little that I know that being brave in doing what you felt right is wrong to others. I received comments...good one...bad one...useful comments...and many useless comments....I am not trying to be offensive...but hey...I like to do promotions....I believed in what that I promoted...so if you don't like my promtions...please just ignore it...don't read it....and don't envy me if I am proud on where I stand and i knew that deep inside you're doing this because you just can't find where to stand....hahaha...these thoughts makes me happy....because I just don't like people who act like lalang and be lalang...and those in the undecided category...come on peoples...you were given a great gift that is protected by your skull...at the top upper side of your body...so think...why waste it?

But the outcomes from these experiences is great. Can't you see? Peoples are shouting....describing anger in a very bad manner...calling others with bad title...such as binatang...hmmm...and these words are written in FB and all your friends can read it...and you are a smart, respected person....sad....you just downgraded yourself to lower than the maggots and may be even lower...and it is all your doings ...

Thus, based on this little status update on FB, you actually received dozens of informations about your friends. For example...ooo....he called this person binatang...so indirectly he refers that to himself...hah...that's how I interpreted informations at fb. Same goes to calling peoples bodoh....pathetic...they are telling others that they are bodoh too....

See...you can now declare that you are such an informative, resourceful person :) and thanks to fb...but how you will react or use the informations that are provided freely online to you...is up to you....don't misuse the informations...accept it with open heart and mind...you certainly don't want to bring down yourself to the same level as the maggots, isn't....

As for me....being attached to fb for quite sometime had caused me addicted to it...and I don't like being addicted to fb...so I'm trying to go back to the me of a few weeks back before the election...connected to fb once a while only...not once every few ours :)