Freaking love and freaking me

Recently, I have an heart ache. I am not sure what went wrong. But its really hurt knowing that you are helpless on controlling your own feelings...that you are far from the one you love...I often told myself...over and over....if marriage has a trial period...I will certainly decide not to get married after the trial period ended..hahaha....I never thought that a marriage will took everything from me...love...endless love...commitment...courage. ..trust...high patient...strong mentally and physically...hah...not to make you scared of the thing called marriage...but that's how I felt...

But then I looked back to my loves one...the defensive and protective young man that loves me so much...the acting like a baby but 9 years old girl....that laugh with my presence even though she cant see or hear me....oooo Allah forgive me for having these thoughts in my freaking mine and arrogant heart...they are your precious gift to me but still I am ungrateful....ignorant....how stupid am I....

I am in love and but this love is killing me. I rushed when I was called...I wait even though for long hours...I forgive for everything....I cant wait to meet even though all I see was an unhappy disturbed face....I cried for many2 times for many2 things that hurt me....I am not the main priority....but still my love did not decrease for even an inch....hah... I am so stupid for letting myself allowing everthing...in the name of love....I am the one at fault....for all that had happened...for loving without limit, I certainly have no self respect...

Sad but true...