Tuesday, June 5, 2012

and they looked and looked again

Yesterday, we went to Rawang. We, the 4A plus mak, abah, Ana and Umar....since it was a one day trip, it was a sort of tiring journey..

My parents don't usually travel with Adibah, hence they often get too excited when Adibah making loud noises or crying. However, with my beloved soul partner, I have no worries..

And Adibah of course will attract people like magnets to see her....so, we often have the situation when people looked at her and looked again with question-mark-like facial expression or sometimes the like-looking-alien facial expression. Either one is fine with us....again we applied the practice-makes-perfect attitude. I guessed it will be the same with me if i don't have a special child. So, it's ok.

Knowing that Adibah is an attraction, we often take time to introduce her to our friends. This introductory package is often conducted by my soul partner. He will decide when we shall took Adibah with us to meet our friends. Usually we shall tell them before hand that we have a special kid and then only we took her with us. This is done just to avoid an overwhelming situation. People will of course asked us why or what happened to her.

So, we shall explain and here goes the script
1) no problem at all during pregnancy
2) after 2 weeks born she start coughing because of the leaking of blood at the heart goes to the lung
3) from there we detected heart failure and other failures and that she is not normal
4) then she had a heart surgery
5) then the other check up that resulted with her having zero vision and zero hearing
6) we tried to go for cochlea implant but not possible as the implant may not work for her due to her nerve issues

These are the stories often told...what i usually don't tell is how we cried when she had to go through heart surgery...how i couldn't stop my tears when she was confirmed blind...heart break when the hearing test resulted with she can't hear even the noise at the highest desibel. Not to mentioned when the doctors put all sort of wires and tubing in and out of her body.....being so scared when she is sick because i don't know why she is sick and what to do....

But alhamdulillah...we were given her plus the strength to survive with her plus the rezki that come with her plus the love that unite us even closer and tigther to each other.

And alhamdulillah....we loved her so much. And even the doctors can't access to her brain, i knew that she is brilliant. She can't see but she knew where and how to move in and out from the bedroom to the living room. She knew we were around near her even though we did not touch her and she will come to us and put her head in our laps. Once i put hankerchief at her neck, she knew it's eating time. And most of all, she is very sincere. If you see her smile that means she is truly happy. Her expression is the truth.

When we were on our way back from Rawang, we stopped for solat at Tapah. At the praying room, there was a grandma resting. I then quickly performed solat and Adibah also quickly went to tempat ambil air sembahyang. It's like she knew that there's water there and making a fuss like asking me to change her diaper. The grandma was worried that Adibah was already ready to play with the water. She then asked about Adibah and as usual i told the same story. Earlier, when telling others about Adibah, i can't stop myself from crying. Tears will automatically falls....but again practice makes perfect...now i can do the story telling without tears or tears will be just in my eyes and in my heart.

Adibah had survived all these years and so does the family. She brings joy to the family. When we travelled with her or doing the intoductory package with our friends, we encountered many type of reactions. Some pity her and us and some congratulate us. Of course i would prefer the latter one....

No matter how others see her, to us,she is our daughter and so deserved to be love and treated like any other daughter. She may not see, so we shall be her eyes. She may not hear but we shall speak to her like she can hear us. Her growth may be delay, so we shall stay young with her.

This is our family and like any other family, we shall love and support each other in joy and in pain ;)


Friday, June 1, 2012

the vow

i vow to help you love life
to always hold you tenderness
and to have patience that love demands
to speak when words are needed
and to share the silence when they're not
to agree to disagree on red velvet cake
and to live long in your heart and always call it home

i officially love you
in all your forms
now and forever
promise to never forget
and this is once in a life time love
and knowing in deepest part of our soul
that no matter what that may tear us apart
we will always find our way back to each other