Yesterday, at Mix FM, JD and Dilly were talking about unfaithful partner. They were talking about this in relation to Cheryl Cole, who would like to re-unite with her ex-husband Ashley. Her husband cheated on her, leading to a divorce. So, the debate is on whether you would accept and give a 2nd chance to an unfaithful partner or totally say no to a cheating partner.
From my personal point of view, a husband and wife, both, as life partner, should certainly and very much mandatory in need of the faithful and loyal value. It is among the values that pillar a marriage. Of course....how to share your life with a person that you can’t trust? You need to have this believe that your life partner is being faithful to you and vice versa in order to lead a healthy-prosperous marriage life. I have this mind setting that planted in the neurons in my brain that once a couple committed to a marriage, it’s like having speechless words that you can feel, deep in your heart, let’s love and trust each other, live together and share everything.
With this paradigm, will cheat / being unfaithful acceptable? I don’t think anybody like to be cheated. And of course, getting cheated by your most trusted person will certainly cause you great sorrow. But then, for Muslims, the man can marry 4 women, with terms and conditions applied. Thus, the guy will then said, “Hey, I’m not cheating…. I am fulfilling my role as an eligible man to have more than one wife.” So, how do you react to this?
Hmmmmm...let’s put in a case study using your imagination. You are the first wife. Your husband is having an intention to marry another woman. The condition of this case is your husband is an eligible man and you did not wrote a MOU before your wedding saying that your husband will not marry another woman as long as you are able to perform your task and responsibility as a wife. In other words, you do not have strong reason to say no to your husband’s intention. So, the question is would you like your husband to be frank with you, tell you straight in the face that he would like to marry another woman before he start dating? Hence, he is not cheating because you actually know about it. Will you feel better about it?
Or because it hurt so much to know that you need to share a husband that you feel like it is better for him not to tell you. Because once you knew, the pain will commence? And because it hurt so much that you don’t want him to tell you about it and pretend not to know about it, is a much easier situation for you to handle?
I don’t know the answer too. Muzukashi neh....to all wife, not to worry and let’s don’t further elaborate the situation. I strongly believe that if you are chosen to be tested, it means you certainly have the capability to tackle the difficulties and test assigned to you. Life is short, so don’t spend it being worried sick and suspicious all the time.
The above case is not the worst case scenario. The worst will be, a married man having an affair with a married woman, vice versa… This is called big time, totally unacceptable, unforgiven, unbearable cheating.
But still it happened around us...why?
Again, case study, utilizing the power of your mind, activating the R-hemisphere preferences in your brain.
You are a married woman, and you have a living husband. But your husband is a wooden stool. You can sit on it but not too comfortable. Often you have backache because you can’t relax your back. In addition to this, because it is wooden, it is so rigid and not flexible. Then, at your work place there is a guy who is like a massage chair, who had his eye on you. Totally fallen for you. You are very comfortable with him. He knew how to take care of you. He knew exactly how you feel and often help you to ease your burden at work. A massage chair, totally not a comparison to a wooden stool. So, you are having internal conflict, how not to fall head over heels to this guy. He is the man of your dream. And back at home...a wooden stool...
Ladies, regardless of how the situation is, cheating wife is not acceptable, for whatever reason. For example, your husband is a illegal, unprofessional wrestler, he hit you everyday. So, you felt like you got reason to cheat on him. No, you are not eligible. You can't use this situation as an excuse.
Well, of course I did not say that you shall need to accept it, as it is and suffer your whole life. What you need to do, is first to get rid of him, then only you'll find another man.
For the case of the wooden stoll...you will say, ohhhh come on, he is a wooden stool...and how to say no to a massage chair? Well, yes, it is a temptation that is difficult to resist. But still life is about making choices. You are what you choose. And trust me, a woman was born with an element of loyal inside you. You are full of this element that will gurantee that you won't happy by neglecting this element because its in you.
Come back to the main topic, will you accept and forgive a cheating partner?
Everybody makes mistake. You may be blinded on a massage chair for a while. But then when there is no electricity, the massage chair is not functioning. And it is too big, so it is not mobile. You start missing your wooden stool. You want your wooden stool back. You want a second chance.
What will the wooden stool say? Maybe....
A) Wooden stool will be able to forgive and forget. Because he love you so much and he is not able to hate you. After he done the soul searching, he realized that, this will not happen if he can be both a wooden stool and a massage chair for you. Hence, he took accountability on what that had happened. Furthermore, he was thinking of the children. He knew the children would certainly want the parents to stay together. So, with all these reasons, he gave a second chance.
B) He was so hurt and hate it very much when he think of you being with another guy. This is something that he felt he can’t tolerate. So, he is having this thinking that enough is enough and don’t appear in front of me anymore. No second chance....
Life is full of choices, so choose wisely for you are responsible for everything that you chose :)
And when life gets harder, choosing gets harder, being faithful gets harder, there is always the Almighty for you to lean to, for you to ask, for you to refer to. For every question there’s an answer, for every obstacle, there is solution. So, don't worry, be happy!
AYu
