I’ve aim to be excellent in anything that I do. Excellent and no compromise – the highest, the best. Of course, when you’ve aimed, go to the maximum, the very maximum. So, do I. I am convinced and determined that the goal, the aim to be on the excellence path was achievable, not mission impossible. My motivation level was full, like the new- and- just-pumped-with-air-balloon. Full of spirit and energy, like the atoms at the most outside layer of the molecules, couldn’t wait any longer to flew, dancing, jumping, mingling with other molecules. The excitement was exploding, enormous, extravaganza. It’s like, I’m a dancer and I couldn’t keep my feet to stand still as it can’t wait to get on the dance floor.
But then.......it struck me right in the face, what should I dance?
Shall I tango?
Shall I tip toe?
Shall I ballet?
Shall I salsa?
OMG! I have lost the gist. It’s like I have a sweet dream, but I don’t fall asleep. I have an alluring slice of pecan butterscotch, but I don’t have appetite. I have a red Ferrari 458 Italia, but I don’t drive......
How pathetic.....I have everything except for the thing that I want-enjoy-love-to-do.......I want to be good, but I don’t know, in what, that I want to be good. I’m not sure whether this thought of mine is kind of confusing or amusing.
Hmmmm.......am I complicated or complication is part of me?
Since I am clueless, I’ve review the chronology....
In school, I was selected to attend to science classes, science stream because of the earlier examination results, so I followed and I was okay.
After school, I got engineering and science course offered, I took science. The decision was much influenced by my parents that really want me to go the university that offered the science course, chemistry to be precise. So, I obeyed and I was doing pretty well. I guessed, it was very much driven by the condition of my family. I grew up in the environment that make ones, think that life will be like hell without money. You have this-kind-of-thought that you shall have no friends, no one unless you have money. You need to earn money as much as you need to earn respect.
Therefore, with all these thoughts in mind, I need to get good grades, hence, obtain good job, earn good money and live life the way I want it to be. Thus..... I’ve been there. I’ve got what I’ve aimed for. Only little that I know, that, as a result, I have become a slave instead of a master to myself.
Am I working for money or the money working for me? It is satisfying, fulfilling to earn money and to lose everything else?
Can I get both, money and satisfaction? Can I amused the physical needs and the soul needs simultaneously?
I have a dream that I am spending my life doing the thing that I love most and at the same time, earn money, earn respect, fulfilling my responsibility as a muslim, as a citizen. Or even sweet and pleasurable, to be able to do the thing that I love most and money is not a factor. Meaning, I have a funder for the activities or I am a millionaire that earn passive income and hence my active life can be channel to the thing that I love most.
Hah....may my dreams came true........And I may continue searching, looking for the thing that I love most, to do, to enjoy, to love and to contribute most..... By the time my super fast jet ready, I shall knew the destination to fly :)
I Believe I Can Fly - R Kelly
I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms
If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it
[Chorus:]
I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me, oh
If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it
AYu
