It has been quite some time since I wrote something here....busy? No. Busy body? Yes :)
I did not write anything because I am in the clueless phase. Again, me, myself, being the typical me...like to have a high expectation on myself. Hence again, I was thinking, am I doing what I am suppose to do in my life? Is this the kind of life that I want? Why this kind of life? Why this ordinary life? When I think I deserve an extravaganza life. Why am I being normal? When I can be special. Why I choose this path and not the other path? Why am I downgrading myself in my own career path? Why and why and endless......of why.......
After a few weeks of thinking, I found myself drowned, demotivated, not happy (inside) and confused. Felt like something is missing....hmmm what is missing? Guess what.....I stop planning :0
I wondered why do I stop planning. You can’t stop planning your life....ones needs to plan, to have vision, mission, objective, targets in life. I stop planning because I don’t know what I want to be..... haiya....after 33 years of life, I still don’t know what I want to be? How pathetic....pity me.
To make things even worst, I took Afiq to bowling class weekly. At Afiq’s bowling class, I felt even sad and jealous and envy towards Afiq’s bowling coach. He looks happy, he looks like he loves his job, he teaches and plays at the same time. He loves kids. He is good at bowling.....what else would he want....I am so jealous.....incredibly jealous!!
That is what I want. To be incredibly good at something that I really love......
So, next I was thinking....hmmm...what are the things that I am good at? I have a good degree, I am a certified quality engineer by the American Society of Quality, I’ve been a boss to a group of engineers and technicians in a multinational company, but what am I good at? At home, I’m a mother, a wife, I have 2 lovely kids....but am I a good mother?? Oppsss.......I knew the answer, and its negative.....
After evaluating and re-evaluating, I found that I am not good at anything. I don’t have a 1 thing that I am really good at. That I can proudly say, hey....this is my territory, give it to me and I gave you excellent results. Nope....don’t have any. At home, my performance is even worst.....
Thus, after thinking and thinking and a few weeks that goes unplanned and messy and sucks....and my brain is not working properly or may be not working at all.....other than keep thinking whether I should do this? Or shouldn’t do this and this and this.....
I asked myself. What do I have? I have a fantastic husband. I have a charming son. I have a beautiful, sin-free daughter. I have a kind-hearted mother in laws. I have a supportive parents and sister. I have a great boss, I have a bunch of crazy-funky-lovely officemates.
What I do not have is a thing that I am good at, a good status in my career or I guessed, I actually do not have a career.
However, comparing to the things that I have.....I should not complaint. I am not eligible to complaint at all. I have so many things but still I am very busy thinking and wishing for the things that I don’t have. Poor me......
So, I pick up all my strength, pick all the skills that I have, picking up the professionalism that I used to practice, picking up courage, love and knowledge.
I have made a resolution.
I am going to be good in anything that I touch....anything.....
As a muslim, as a life partner, as a mother, as a daughter, as an employee, as a friend......I am going to be good because I knew how to be good and I want to be good. All I need is to put effort and to practice all the skills and knowledge that I have towards these goals....and of course, I will plan my life towards these objectives.
Remember, success is not a destination, it’s a journey!! So enjoy the journey.....
AYu
