For my lil sis......Happy Birthday!!

Dear lil sis,

First and foremost, Happy Birthday! If you asked me for my wish for you, I wished for all your wishes and dreams came true, millions and countless of happiness for you to share with your loved ones, all your sadness been washed away by the falling rain and of course, all your disappointments and despair gone, in a blink of eye.

On your birthday, it often reminds me of the years that had gone by, the moments that we shared, the people that we loved and lost. And thinking of these moments often made me sad and sorry for myself and for you. I am so sorry my lil sis for not being a good sister and very far away from being a wonderful sister. I, sometimes thought to myself, have I ever been a sister to you and fulfilling the function of a sister, performing my task and responsibility as a sister or at least being a friend to you.

I can’t even count with my fingers, of me being nice and good to you as a sister. All that I can remembered is seeing myself scolding and being angry with you. And I felt even worst as I remembered you of not even a moment, a minute, raising your voice towards me. All that I remembered was you with the image of respecting me and obeying me as a big sis.

I remembered a day during Hari Raya when mom made us baju kurung, green colour with black polka dot. I was so angry with mom for having you and me wearing the same baju kurung. I really hated it and threw my frustration towards you although at that moment, you were still very young..... You must have been thinking, what is wrong with me....I wonder too.....forgive me for being a cruel, heartless sister....you knew me, I was always so stubborn and aggressive....hmmmmm the typical me...

Then, time flies. You and I were teenagers. I was closer to my friends than you. There are many things that I don’t know or don’t even care about you. I was busy entertaining my life. The life that I always wanted, away from our difficult life. I get so carried away and I’m really sorry if in those days, you felt like you never exist in my life. I am sorry lil sis for being so selfish and let you carry the burden of our life alone. You and mom often shared many things and sometimes I did felt jealous when mom knew more than me about you but still being me, the one so independent, repulsive, rebellious and deciding my life as I want it to be without referring to you and mom, I just don’t care much and wanted so much to be free.

But still, despite of all those years, despite of all the things that I’ve done, you were always loyal to me. You were always there for me when I needed you. You were always the one volunteered to take care of me when I was in pain. You were always there for me. You were always the one that I can count on. Thinking of this made me felt so lucky, so thankful, so grateful that I have you as my sister.

And at the same time, often made me felt bad, ashamed of myself for being such as useless sister, always not being able to be with you when you were in pain, in sadness, alone. I was never a shoulder for you to cry on. I was never there for you.......


My lil sis,
For that.....
for all those moments that I was not being like a sister to you but more like a step sister....
for all those years of pain and burden of the family that you have had on your shoulder alone....
for all those tears that you quietly wept at night.....

I am truly sorry......
I can’t turn back time....
I can’t fix those years, those moment of sadness....
I can’t repair your broken heart....
I won’t be able to do all these.

All that I can say..... I am here now. I want to be your shoulder to cry one. I want to share your joy, your happiness, your sadness. I want to be a wonderful sister. Let’s cherish our life together, let’s make things happened and enjoy every moments......

My lil sis,
Again, happy birthday! And I am your birthday present, a sister that would like to devote herself, heart and soul to take care of her lil sis.....InsyaAllah....


AYu