Thinking and still thinking......

I always think that I am doing good things, helping others, trying my best to be a good friend and trying my best to please the nice-good-people around me. I have this thinking that you have nothing to lose if you’re doing good things. However, recently I’ve received feedback telling me that, what I called as a good deed is not a good deed and even worst causing that person a feeling of disappointment….hmmm….as per the Malay saying “rambut sama hitam, hati lain-lain”……

So now I knew that what I think of good things that I’ve done for others is not necessarily good and can be misunderstood. I felt kind of frustrated but I have to admit that it is my fault too.

Rule number 1
You only help those who need your help

Rule number 2
Don’t be busybody and try to help

Rule number 3
Learn from mistake

Okay, I have learnt…..

I thought….well, okay. I am fine and in good condition, after all that had happened….but actually I am not. I am just a normal human being, who felt hurt and still felt hurt until today. I knew in order to do good things is not easy. In order to do welfare jobs is not easy. In order to work, to spend your time on the things that you are still not sure of the results, is not easy. In order to believe what you are doing shall benefit others at the end, is not easy.

All these, got me thinking, am I in the correct position? Am I in the place that I belong to? Am I needed? Should I stay or should I leave?

I thought all this while, I knew why I’m here….I knew why I stick around….I knew that I have good plan, for everyone involved….but why do I still feel bad about myself…why do I still feel that my helps, my skills, is not relevant…..am my thinking is too childish?? Or is this a temporary feeling that will go away as time flies???

I have chosen...give me strength to be strong, to believe that I am in the correct path...to believe that the time that I've spent and still spending here is not a waste...the work that I've done and still doing is not a waste....because I can't wake up in the morning with the plan that I shall be spending another 9 hours getting nothing but just wasting my time, my life....I can't deal with this....I just can't...Am I weird???

Life is short and I need more than just money....

AYu