Rahayu Razak

pergi...tidak kembali....

2012-01-26T15:27:00.002+08:00

Melihat mereka pergi dan pergi lagi
Saban hari ada saja yang pergi
Pergi langsung, pergi tidak kembali
Yang muda, yang tua, yang bayi, sedia atau tidak
apabila sudah sampai masa pasti pergi jua…

Pergi itu sudah pasti
Kerana Janji yang sudah dimeterai sejak azali
Yang tidak dapat ditolak, ditambah, dibahagi
Samada mahu atau tidak
Tidak relevan lagi
Kerana apabila telah tiba waktu
Tiada yang dapat membantu
Tiada apa lagi yang perlu
Melainkan 3 perkara itu

Dan aku di sini masih termangu-mangu
apakah masih ada lagi
waktu untukku……

Selimut putih

Bila Izrail datang memanggil
Jasad terbujur di pembaringan

Seluruh tubuh akan menggigil
Terbujur badan dan kedinginan

Tak ada lagi gunanya harta
Kawan karib sanak saudara

Jikalau ada amal di dunia
Itulah hanya pembela diri

Janganlah mahu dikenang-kenang
Engkau digelar manusia agung

Sedarlah diri tahu diuntung
Sebelum masa kerenda diusung

Datang masanya insaflah diri
Selimut putih pembalut badan

Tinggal semua yang dikasihi
Berbaktilah hidup sepanjang zaman

C.H.A.R.G.E syndrome

2012-01-18T13:29:00.006+08:00

I’ve almost forgotten to publish this entry….The Syndrome that Adibah’s is having – CHARGE syndrome. We did not learn of this syndrome from the doctors but from a meeting with another children with CHARGE syndrome. Until today, the doctor did not confirm of Adibah’s syndrome because of the unsuccessful blood test…we have been taking the blood since Adibah’s was born. But still the results are uncertain. They can’t confirm the syndrome because of this. But it’s okay.

Meeting a boy, named Faiz, somewhere in middle of 2011, assured me that Adibah is also having the same syndrome as he is, CHARGE syndrome. This is because, Faiz and Adibah having the same physical features, almost exactly the same especially at the ear, it is really obvious. They looked like siblings :) Only that Faiz’s sight is much better than Adibah. Based on the discussion with the doctor later after the meeting with Faiz, Adibah’s having severe CHARGE syndrome that leading her to deafblindness. Each children with CHARGE syndrome may be having all the 6 features of CHARGE but at different level or severity.

Anyway, we love her...so, we shall work it out to make sure that she's happy and we're happy....this is what count....the rest, does not matter cause ALLAH will clear the path for us :)

These are some of the information obtained from CHARGE Syndrome Foundation

About CHARGE

CHARGE syndrome is a recognizable (genetic) pattern of birth defects which occurs in about one in every 9-10,000 births worldwide. It is an extremely complex syndrome, involving extensive medical and physical difficulties that differ from child to child. The vast majority of the time, there is no history of CHARGE syndrome or any other similar conditions in the family. Babies with CHARGE syndrome are often born with life-threatening birth defects, including complex heart defects and breathing problems. They spend many months in the hospital and undergo many surgeries and other treatments.

Swallowing and breathing problems make life difficult even when they come home. Most have hearing loss, vision loss, and balance problems which delay their development and communication. All are likely to require medical and educational intervention for many years. Despite these seemingly insurmountable obstacles, children with CHARGE syndrome often far surpass their medical, physical, educational, and social expectations.

Continued research is needed to help us understand the medical and developmental challenges facing individuals with CHARGE. Better understanding will lead the way to interventions, therapies and educational strategies which can help people with CHARGE syndrome overcome many of the obstacles in their lives.

One of the hidden features of CHARGE syndrome is the determination and strong character these children display.

History of the name "CHARGE"

The name "CHARGE" was a clever way (in 1981) to refer to a newly recognized cluster of features seen in a number of children. Over the years, it has become clear that CHARGE is indeed a syndrome and at least one gene causing CHARGE syndrome has been discovered (see below). The letters in CHARGE stand for: Coloboma of the eye, Heart defects, Atresia of the choanae, Retardation of growth and/or development, Genital and/or urinary abnormalities, and Ear abnormalities and deafness. Those features are no longer used in making a diagnosis of CHARGE syndrome, but we're not changing the name.

Clinical Diagnostic Criteria (2005)

Even though a gene for CHARGE syndrome has been discovered, the gene test is very expensive and isn't perfect -only about 2/3 of people with CHARGE have a positive gene test. Therefore, the diagnosis of CHARGE syndrome is still clinical - based on the medical features seen in the child. An evaluation for possible CHARGE syndrome should be made by a medical geneticist who is familiar with CHARGE. The clinical diagnosis is made using a combination of Major and Minor features. Major features are characteristics that are quite common in CHARGE syndrome but relatively rare in other conditions, and are, for the most part, diagnosable in the newborn period. Minor features are characteristics which are also common in CHARGE, but not quite as helpful in distinguishing CHARGE from other syndromes. They either are common in other conditions (e.g. heart defects), harder to diagnose consistently (e.g. typical CHARGE face), or may not be diagnosed until later (e.g. growth deficiency). Finally, there are "Other" features - these may be very important in terms of health and management, but are not very helpful in determining if a child has CHARGE syndrome or something else.

What causes CHARGE syndrome?

CHARGE syndrome is a genetic condition, caused by a change (mutation) in a single gene, most often CHD7. In August, 2004, the first major gene for CHARGE syndrome was reported by a group of researchers in the Netherlands. The gene is CHD7, located on the long arm of chromosome #8. It is a regulatory gene which plays a role in turning other genes on and off. Changes (mutations) in this gene have been found in more than half of all children with CHARGE tested to date. In the vast majority, the mutation was new in the child - not detected in the parents. This confirms that CHARGE syndrome is a genetic condition caused by a new mutation in a dominant gene. Further research is needed to find other genes that can cause CHARGE and to determine the function of the CHARGE genes in the developing fetus, babies, children and adults.

Can you have another child with CHARGE syndrome?

It is possible, but not likely. The empiric risk of reoccurrence is at most 1-2%. That means if you have one child with CHARGE, there is a maximum 1-2% chance of the next child also having CHARGE. Prenatal diagnosis may be available if a CHD7 mutation can be found in your affected child. Risk to children of individuals with CHARGE is probably 50%.

Love...Love...Love...

2012-01-06T11:55:00.001+08:00

Today, I felt like going cheesy….I’ve watched a malay drama last nite, which I seldom do and it seldom touched my heart. But last nite, felt like crying. In the drama, the fiancé of this girl died. The dying part is not so tragic. The proposing part is sweet, and the being-in-love part is romantic, the togetherness is arghhh….I wanted to feel that again…….feeling so in love, like you can’t be without him, feeling like waking up the next morning and all that appear in your mind is him, feeling like smiling all day because of the way he look at you, how he smile at you….that kind of feelings…

The crying part is when the fiancé died and the girl missed him so much. She can’t smile, she can’t stop thinking about him and she called his number just to hear his voicemail. This part is touching….it really touched me because as usual….one of the things that I am so afraid of facing is losing my love ones….well, of course…everybody does…

Ahhhh….love need to be shown, need to be express, to be promote…
what if your love one leaving you without you having the chance to say how much you love him,
your love one leaving you without you having more time to spend with him,
your love one leaving you without you having the chance to say good bye…..

sometimes you may forgotten your love ones….so, love needs reminder too….
pretty face may not last,
age will increase,
strength may decrease….
so what will make you stay….LOVE…

Rama band – Saat-saat Terindah

Saat kau hadir dalam hidupku
Terasa Indah
Hanya Bayangmu Menyentuh Jiwa
Temani Sepi
Kini Semua Cinta mu t’lah pergi
Meninggalkan diriku
Dalam Kehampaan
Sendiri…
Waktu terus berjalan dan memberi perih di hati
Hanya rindu yang aku dapati bukan cintamu
Kini baru aku menyadari
Kau begitu berarti di dalam hidupku ini…
*Saat – saat yang indah
Saat masih bersamamu
Waktu kita berdua
Dan mewarnai dunia
Semua yang telah berlalu
Kini teringat lagi
Kini terkenang lagi
Ku ingin kembali…3x
Hanya rindu yang aku dapatkan bukan cinta mu
Meski kini kau tak mencintai dirku lagi
Kini baru aku menyadari kau begitu berarti
Di dalam hidupku ini…

Am I your best friend? BFF?

2011-12-30T16:57:00.002+08:00

Did you sometimes wondered, who is your best friend? Or do you have best friend? Or are you someone’s best friend? I wondered of these sometimes...I used to have best friends during the school years, university years...used to...these friends that I considered as my best friends are in my facebook friend list... But I guessed those years are over...Is it distance? Or is it time constraint? No phone calls? No meetings? Leading to the changes in status from best friends to just friends.

Yeah...we need to move on. Peoples changes, life changes, and of course best friends changes too...I treasured my best friends, the precious moments spent and I am so sorry for myself for we are no longer in that terms, best friends. I wished I would have all of my best friends once again but I am certain that it is impossible since I am also not able to commit as a best friends. It is just unfair to only want something, knowing that you are not willing to give, only wanting...

Now, my only best friend is my husband. I have him only. I am assured that I have him only as my best friends because I commit myself to it. I devoted my life to it. So, I am proudly recognizing myself as his best friend. I do have other friends, my lovely officemates. However, I dare not said that I am their best friend because I am certain that I am not. Best friends are those who stay with you in joy and in pain. Best friends support you in any decisions that you made. Best friends be there for you as a shoulder to cry on, as somebody next to you when you needed companion most. Even with great indulgence, I just couldn’t bring myself to that term with my current friends, even if I want to, because I just knew that I can’t commit to it. I can’t give, so, I do not have the rights to want it.

Therefore, I can only now afford to commit to a best friend, my husband. I guessed most wife have the same feelings, the same understanding, the husband is the best friends, no secrets in the closet, transparent 100%. But what if, your husband did not consider you as best friend. What if he has this sort of thinking, not everything you can tell to a woman. Or, woman no need to know everything, the less they knew, the better. As long as they knew you love them, that’s it, no 100% disclosure is necessary.

To me, even though I am my husband best friend, I committed to that terms, I knew that I can’t force him to take me as his best friend and hence, treated me as a best friend. He is another individual that has his own way of thinking, has his own values, has his own paradigm. So, he is fully capable of deciding who is his best friend. Best friend share everything, no secrets, you are able to speak your mind and knowing that the other person will have the right words to say to you. Of course being a wife may entitle you to ask where he has been to, with whom he spent his time with. But being a best friend, will entitle you to be told without asking.

I am a wife. But I don’t want to be only wife, I want to be a best friend to my husband. I don’t want to ask, I want to be told or everything and anything. Yes, giving this commitment and hopes, if I am still not a best friend to my husband, and still, if he keeps secrets in his closet, I would be sad, of course... but I wouldn’t blame him. For I knew it took a great deal of trust to be telling a person about everything underneath your skin.

Therefore, I will not force, but I will inspire...I will be a best friend without asking anything in return...

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend....

The Shoe Shop

2011-11-15T10:14:00.005+08:00

Today is a life-changing-experience day for me, for Adibah. We went to St Nicholas Home for a play day. The play day was held twice a month. During Miss Thelma’s last visit to our home, she had insisted that we join the play day. So, today, we were there. I was a little bit hesitating of the needs of this trip, however, looking at the sincerity shown by Miss Thelma, I just cannot resist. And I am so glad that I came. Nothing much is able to be done by Adibah during this play day as she was a little difficult for them to handle, and as for Adibah, knowing that it’s a new environment, she’s a little reserved and sleepy of course. At the end of the session, she was crying. Once I put her in the car, she was smiling back again. Hmmm…..she really knew her environment...the car is a normal environment and the play day session is a weird environment. She just knew it....

Earlier, on Sunday, Adibah is having her usual occupational therapy session. And I was again asking for the phone number of the shoe maker. I was asking because, Miss Thelma suggested that we made a shoes for Adibah. This is not the first time, I received such suggestion. However, I don’t know why, I just did not go to the shoe shop. I just don’t. And in addition to this, I was informed that the shop was at Butterworth. This untrue-fact, had caused me stop thinking of making shoes for her because I just don’t know much about Butterworth, so how am I going to find a small shoe shop...this is all excuses for not making Adibah a shoes....

And on Sunday, once I received the phone number together with the address....I just hahhhh....the shop is located at Seberang Jaya….so, there is no reason for not going there. After St Nicholas, we dropped by at the shoe shop. And this is where I had learned a so important knowledge on how to get Adibah on her feet. It is not a normal shoe shop visit....

The shoe shop is very small. We missed it. The owner of the shop asked “Kereta kaler apa? Saya tunggu kat luar...” Luckily, he really wait outside, it is just a small shop that was hidden by a few bigger shops. If he did not wait outside the shop, I certainly will miss it again and again.

Once we arrived, I saw the owner, something is wrong with his leg. From one glance, you could have noticed that something is wrong. He then, checked on Adibah’s leg....

”Hmmmm....ni tak buat exercise nih..., “ he commented.

I came in defense....”Buat jugak…..”

He replied, “ Jugak jer tak boleh...mesti buat tiap-tiap hari, tak boleh miss....exercise ja yang boleh tolong dia....saya tau, pasai saya dulu pun, tak leh jalan, setahun saya tak leh jalan, pi urut merata kat Utara ni tapi tak boleh jugak...exercise ja yang boleh tolong saya sampai saya boleh jalan la ni...”

He then teached me a method on how to exercise with Adibah. I’ve learnt the method before but I don’t know the importance of it and why I must consistently doing it. The shoe shop owner, explained it all to me...It is very true, that those who explained with experience will be giving a much greater impact compared to those who explained with just theories...He said to me that I should have come earlier. If I had performed the exercise with Adibah earlier and had her shoes made earlier, she could have walk already...Hahh....I felt so guilty to Adibah. It is my fault that she had not walk till today. It is all my fault...

Hence today, I can’t escape the feeling of guilty, melancholy...Felt like I am the saboteur of the life of my own daughter... And the fact that I have been such a lousy, bad mother. I am so positive at everything else but when it came to Adibah, I am negative? Why? Why can’t I perform well, excellent as her mother. Why I chose not to have high hope on her and instead of giving her my very best, I chose to just go with the flow. Why did I choose to give up on her?

Arghhhhh....I am so angry and ashamed with myself. Whether I like it not, I have to accept that I have done an unacceptable injustice to my own daughter. I am the one to be blame....

Therefore, I have to be responsible for what that I have done. Luckily Adibah did not know how to complaint. Or else she might issue me a lawsuit :(

Adibah....

I am so sorry…..Please accept my apology for not being a good mother, for not trusting you, for not having high faith in you, for giving up on you. I said I love you but my actions did not synchronize with my words. For that, for all, for this mihsbehave....I am so sorry and I will try my very best to make it up with you...

And to the shoe shop owner.....thank you very much for enlighten me of my duty and responsibility....

Pimpinlah aku ke syurga

2011-10-19T15:24:00.001+08:00

Suamiku
Telah lebih sedekad mencintaimu
Jarak masa kadangkala mengelirukan aku
Adakah aku masih yang kau cinta dulu?

Suamiku
Selama menempuhi jarak waktu itu
Bagaimana prestasiku?
Adakah aku menyenangkan hatimu?
Adakah aku membuatkan kau tersenyum?
Adakah menyentuhku membahagiakanmu?

Suamiku
Aku hanya manusia biasa
Sepertimu, aku juga mendambakan syurga
Namun pasti tiada redha Tuhanku tanpa redhamu

Dengan itu suamiku
Tatkala aku lalai dalam tanggungjawabku sebagai isterimu
Ketika kadangkala aku terlalu meminta-minta akan nikmat dunia
Menagih selalu kata-kata cinta darimu
Merayu-rayu lebih banyak masamu untukku

Maafkanlah aku
Aku cuma isteri alaf ini
Yang mudah hanyut dalam menongkah arus dunia
Namun tetap mendambakan syurga serta segala nikmatnya
Maka aku merayu suamiku
Jangan lepaskan tangan ku walau apa jua yang berlaku
Dan jangan jemu memimpinku......

AYu

Worries....

2011-10-06T15:13:00.002+08:00

Do you have worries? I have so many worries….

Last week, my darling baby was sick. I was so worried….. if she was sick because it’s time for her to return back to the Creator. I was so worried even though I am so aware that this is beyond my control.

When I drive, I am worried that I may get involve in an accident and return back to the Creator. Will I be able to answer all the questions in the next life? Will I be bringing a lot of good deeds with me or I shall be bringing with me all the sins and wrong doings? Will I be proud to tell the Creator of what I have done with all the gifts, the life, the age that He had given me. Or will I be so ashamed of my own self for there is nothing good that I’ve done with my life other than wasting it for the world that I am certainly knew is only a short, tiny journey of life.

When I heard of friends diagnosed with cancer, I was worried that what if, I shall be tested with the same disease. Will my loved one be able to take care of me? Will he be there for me? Will my family be strong to hold my hand along the way? Will I be strong to face it?

I am worried of losing too. If I lost my loved one, will I be able to stand and continue living. Will I be able to cope with life without them? What will I do if I miss them? To whom shall I seek should I need love and support? Will I be able to accept the fate? That all is given to us is a loan from the Creator and that only He has the rights to retrieve it back anytime He wants. Everything that is given to you…. money, wealth, health, children, happiness….is all His…..So, He certainly has the right to take it back without prior notice…..will I survive the test of lost?

And when I’ve seen a perfect couple, a couple that have gone through 15 years of marriage life, filing a divorce, I am worried too. Will I be able to always lead a happy, meaningful marriage life? What if my loved one found someone new and so fond of her and forgets all about me. Forget of all the years that we’ve spend together. Forget that we’ve been in love? Will love always be there for me? Will he always love me? If it happens, how will my heart cope with the pain? Will my heart be broken into pieces and will it ever cure again?

Hah…..I have tonne of worries……but I have cure for all my worries….
Syukur….

To the Creator, we shall come back. For all my worries, for all my hopes, for all my dreams, I shall seek and lean to the Creator. For we need to have high faith that Allah SWT decides what’s best for us. Life is difficult, hence, I am so glad, so grateful, felt so blessed for I knew I certainly have a best place to turn to……

Daripada Abu ai-Abbas, Abdullah bin Abbas r.a., beliau berkata, “Suatu hari saya berada di belakang Nabi S.a.w., lalu baginda bersabda, “Wahai anakanda, aku akan mengajarkan kepadamu beberapa perkara: Jagalah Allah, nescaya Dia akan mengjagamu. Jagalah Allah, nescaya Dia akan selalu berada di hadapanmu. Jika kamu meminta, mintalah kepada Allah, jika kamu memohon pertolongan, mohonlah pertolongan kepada Allah. Ketahuilah, sesungguhnya andaikata sekelompok orang bersatu untuk mendatangkan sesuatu manfaat kepadamu, mereka tidak akan dapat memberikan manfaat sedikit pun kecuali apa yang telah Allah tetapkan bagimu. Dan andaikata mereka bersatu untuk mendatangkan sesuatu yang memudharatkanmu, nescaya mereka tidak akan memudharatkanmu kecuali musibah yang memang telah Allah tetapkan bagimu. Pena telah diangkat dan lembaran telah kering.” (HR. Tirmizi, dia berkata, “Hadis ini hasan Sahih”).

Dalam sebuah riwayat selain Tirmizi dikatakan, “Jagalah Allah, nescaya engkau akan mendapatkan-Nya di hadapanmu. Kenalilah Allah di waktu senang, nescaya Dia akan mengenalmu di waktu musibah. Ketahuilah bahawa apa yang ditetapkan luput darimu, tidaklah akan menimpamu, Dan apa yang ditetapkan akan menimpamu, tidak akan luput darimu. Ketahuilah bahawa kemenangan itu bersama kesabaran, dan kemudahan itu bersama kesulitan, dan bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan.

SWEET SERENDIPITY

2011-09-14T14:29:00.003+08:00

Since there is not much connection between my heart and my head, there's nothing to write....I just want to be strong....you never know when you're gonna fall....

LEE DEWYZE - SWEET SERENDIPITY

I ain’t got no car
And I've got one pair of jeans
They’ve been stretched too far
And now they’re weak at the seams
I can’t say what’s next
And I got nothin' up my sleeve
But I don’t lose my head
Cause it ain’t really up to me

[chorus]
And I’m doing just fine
I’m always landing on my feet
In the nic of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I ain’t gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happened yet
Somethings watching over me
Like Sweet Serendipity
Sweet Serendipity

I don’t ask for a lot
No nothing more than I need
Because I love what I got
Don’t need to play the lottery
I just want to be strong
At the end of the road
I don’t want to hold on
I want the strength to let go

[chorus]
And I’m doing just fine
I’m always landing on my feet
In the nic of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I ain’t gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happened yet
Somethings watching over me
Like Sweet Serendipity

And what will be will be
In the nic of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I aint gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happened yet

Somethings watching over me
Like Sweet Serendipity
Sweet Serendipity
Like Sweet Serendipity

Don’t look fate can only find you
You can’t choose for something to surprise you
Set sail without a destination
Just see where the wind will take you
You never know when you're gonna fall
But I'm not worried
No I'm not worried

[chorus]
And I’m doing just fine
I’m always landing on my feet
In the nic of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I ain’t gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happened yet
Somethings watching over me

And I’m doing just fine
I’m always landing on my feet
In the nic of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I ain’t gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happend yet
Somethings watching over me
Like Sweet Serendipity
Sweet Serendipity
Sweet Serendipity

Don’t look fate can only find you
You can’t choose for something to surprise you
Set sail without a destination

Sweet, sweet
Sweet, sweet
Sweet Serendipity

Ironic

2011-09-13T08:35:00.001+08:00

I remembered....being in love......

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

ALANIS MORISSETTE - Ironic

Happy Birthday Miss Heaven!!

2011-09-06T11:12:00.002+08:00

Shhhhh
Did you hear that?
Did you hear that weird noises at midnight
like someone mumbling, giggling, grrrr ing...
Who is that?

Then you turn on the light and you see a smile

Is it an alien?
No...

Or is it a weird creature from the labyrinth?
No...

Ohhhhh...
It’s Adibah
My giant baby from heaven

Happy birthday my sweetheart!
They may look at you with that weird looking face...
But it’s okay because I looked at you with love, lots and lots of love
I love you and will always do, InsyaAllah….

Happy 7th Birthday, my giant baby!
May you grow up, healthily, beautifully...

The Moon and The Star

2011-08-25T17:53:00.004+08:00

21 Sept 1996 was Mr Moon and Miss Star first date. Miss Star had noticed Mr Moon for quite some time as Mr Moon loved jogging by the route near Miss Star’s planet. However, Mr Moon only noticed Miss Star after the pencil box incident. And a few more other incidents that happened around the earth and the sun, resulted with them getting closer.

Despite the fact that Mr Moon did not meet Miss Star’s prince charming criteria and Miss Star, did not really qualify as Mr Moon’s sweet-long-await-dream-princess, they fell in love. Mr Moon was very much In love with Miss Star. He was willing to give up everything and anything for Miss Star. He even transformed from a not-so-and-don’t-know-how-to-be-romantic person to the most-romantic person on the earth and the sun. And he could even draft a poetry for Miss Star :) Miss Star was very happy.

Thus, Mr Moon proposed to Miss Star to become his first wife. Although Miss Star loves Mr Moon, she was not so sure about marriage as she felt like she got thousand of things that she still need to do on earth before getting married. However, Miss Star was firm with the decision after Miss Star’s mom told her that Mr Moon was the perfect candidate that Miss Star could not afford to lose.

Therefore, Mr Moon and Miss Star get married on 26th Aug 2000. Miss Star cried on her weeding day because she realized that she could no longer always be with her family. She was also afraid of the fact that she had to dedicate her life to her husband. Poor Miss Star...her tears ruined her make up.....

Although Mr Moon and Miss Star loved each other, they often fight and quarrel and the frequency of this event, increased after marriage. Fortunately, Mr Moon was a very patient partner.

When Miss Star get angry, Mr Moon will be quiet.
When Miss Star cried, Mr Moon will be quiet again.
When Miss Star upset, Mr Moon will again be very quiet.
Due to this circumstances, Miss Star then get tired...

The journey of Mr Moon and Miss Star continued with the born of their son, Mr Phlegmatic. If you find Mr Moon having the personality of a calm-patient-sweet person, Mr Phlegmatic is a more calm-more patient-more sweet person. This was not a surprised as Mr Phlegmatic was a carbon-copy and the better version of Mr Moon. Only that Mr Phlegmatic is too calm and often mistaken as too slow. Mr Phlegmatic join the group of Mr Moon and Miss Star on 24 May 2001.

So now, there are Mr Moon, Miss Star and Mr Phlegmatic in the house on earth. Along the journey, Mr Moon and Miss Star frequency of fighting had gone really low. The frequency is really reduced until Mr Moon and Miss Star were wondering on whether is it because
a) life is getting boring until there is nothing to be debate about or
b) because they finally understood each other very well or
c) it is just simply because Miss Star is getting older and having less energy to fight.

Hence, their life is more stable and peace and prosperous.

But this environment did not last for long, on 6 Sep 2004, Miss Star delivered another baby. It’s a girl, Miss Heaven. She is called Miss Heaven because of her incapability to hear and to see the world.

(Note: If you can’t enjoy the world, it means, you will go straight to heaven once you leave the world)

Since, Miss Heaven was an unexpected, special gift to Mr Moon and Miss Star, for a couple of years Mr Moon and Miss Star was very busy fitting, squeezing, and adapting to both Mr Phlegmatic and Miss Heaven.

Today, Mr Moon and Miss Star had been married for 11 years. Mr Moon and Miss Star had a mutual understanding on their dreams and path of life. They had decided on the plan and the sacrifices that they had to make in order to achieve their dreams.

Mr Moon, in order to achieve the dream, is now living somewhere else, coping with his job. He is very busy coping with his work to realize the plan and dream and to make sure that his group had enough to eat, to spend and to live, while he is climbing the ladder towards the dream. Can’t always be there for his love, Miss Star is one of the sacrifices that he can’t avoid.

Miss Star is now in the mode of a relaxing and going through a happy, too normal and too much spare time that leading to boredom life. Miss Star top priority is now Mr Phlegmatic and Miss Heaven. Hence, anything that Miss Star wishes to do, she must make sure that Mr Phlegmatic and Miss Heaven is not neglected.

Mr Phlegmatic is now the body guard of Miss Star. His rules is more stringent than Mr Moon. Wherever and whenever Miss Star wished to go and to do must be reported to him.

Miss Heaven, despite of her incapability to see and to hear, had become the night watch for the group. She will sleep in the day and will stay awake at night together with a giant yellow snail and a giant red ant to make sure that the group was safe at night. So, at night, Miss Star is having a giant baby, giant snail and giant ant to protect the colony.

With this, Mr Moon and Miss Star life was complete. Even though, their productivity is really slow, the body guard (Mr Phlegmatic) and the night watch (Miss Heaven) really colored their life.

Hence, Miss Star is no longer wishing for the stars and is very grateful to the Master of the Universe for lending her Mr Moon, Mr Phlegmatic and Miss Heaven to accompany her in this short journey of life. She wishes nothing more than a reunion of her, Mr Moon, Mr Phlegmatic and Miss Heaven in the eternity life after death in heaven.

To:
Mr Moon and Miss Star – Happy Anniversary!!

Balance?

2011-08-18T16:58:00.001+08:00

Always I’ve been thinking on how to align life, between dunia and akhirat? How to be balance? How to perform well in both? Or should we only be the best for akhirat and leave out dunia? Be the best for akhirat because that is compulsory and for dunia, is only optional? How should we do it? Can we be wanting both, dunia and akhirat. Can the dunia activities also leading to akhirat and vice versa? Can both be synergize?

The answer is yes. I’ve seen people that perform well, dunia and akhirat. It is difficult to explain this in words until I’ve read the books written by Prof Dr Muhd Kamil Ibrahim and Dr Ridzwan Bakar. Thank you very much Norhidayah for sharing these valuable, resourceful books that to me is able to describe how to be excellent, dunia dan akhirat.

Hence, below are the words written by Prof Dr Muhd Kamil Ibrahim, in one of the books “Bila pintu hati terbuka” ...

"Mulai hari ini – jika anda mahu mendengar nasihat saya – saya mahu anda bangun bersolat malam, minta ampun, bertaubat dan berdoa kepada-Nya. ALLAH telah berjanji akan memakbulkan segala pemintaan yang kita mohon dengan syarat kita lakukan dengan penuh keikhlasan, dalam ketakutan dan mempercayai yang DIA Maha Berkuasa. Jika kita gagal sekalipun, kita akan reda kerana kita sepatutnya mempercayai yang ALLAH lebih tahu apa yang tidak kita ketahui.

Pergantungan kepada ALLAH merupakan kunci kepada kekuatan dalaman seseorang insan".

Yes, that is the key, pergantungan kepada ALLAH. That will lead the way to be excellent in both dunia and akhirat...InsyaALLAH...

Unfaithful partner

2011-07-08T10:18:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, at Mix FM, JD and Dilly were talking about unfaithful partner. They were talking about this in relation to Cheryl Cole, who would like to re-unite with her ex-husband Ashley. Her husband cheated on her, leading to a divorce. So, the debate is on whether you would accept and give a 2nd chance to an unfaithful partner or totally say no to a cheating partner.

From my personal point of view, a husband and wife, both, as life partner, should certainly and very much mandatory in need of the faithful and loyal value. It is among the values that pillar a marriage. Of course....how to share your life with a person that you can’t trust? You need to have this believe that your life partner is being faithful to you and vice versa in order to lead a healthy-prosperous marriage life. I have this mind setting that planted in the neurons in my brain that once a couple committed to a marriage, it’s like having speechless words that you can feel, deep in your heart, let’s love and trust each other, live together and share everything.

With this paradigm, will cheat / being unfaithful acceptable? I don’t think anybody like to be cheated. And of course, getting cheated by your most trusted person will certainly cause you great sorrow. But then, for Muslims, the man can marry 4 women, with terms and conditions applied. Thus, the guy will then said, “Hey, I’m not cheating…. I am fulfilling my role as an eligible man to have more than one wife.” So, how do you react to this?

Hmmmmm...let’s put in a case study using your imagination. You are the first wife. Your husband is having an intention to marry another woman. The condition of this case is your husband is an eligible man and you did not wrote a MOU before your wedding saying that your husband will not marry another woman as long as you are able to perform your task and responsibility as a wife. In other words, you do not have strong reason to say no to your husband’s intention. So, the question is would you like your husband to be frank with you, tell you straight in the face that he would like to marry another woman before he start dating? Hence, he is not cheating because you actually know about it. Will you feel better about it?

Or because it hurt so much to know that you need to share a husband that you feel like it is better for him not to tell you. Because once you knew, the pain will commence? And because it hurt so much that you don’t want him to tell you about it and pretend not to know about it, is a much easier situation for you to handle?

I don’t know the answer too. Muzukashi neh....to all wife, not to worry and let’s don’t further elaborate the situation. I strongly believe that if you are chosen to be tested, it means you certainly have the capability to tackle the difficulties and test assigned to you. Life is short, so don’t spend it being worried sick and suspicious all the time.

The above case is not the worst case scenario. The worst will be, a married man having an affair with a married woman, vice versa… This is called big time, totally unacceptable, unforgiven, unbearable cheating.

But still it happened around us...why?

Again, case study, utilizing the power of your mind, activating the R-hemisphere preferences in your brain.

You are a married woman, and you have a living husband. But your husband is a wooden stool. You can sit on it but not too comfortable. Often you have backache because you can’t relax your back. In addition to this, because it is wooden, it is so rigid and not flexible. Then, at your work place there is a guy who is like a massage chair, who had his eye on you. Totally fallen for you. You are very comfortable with him. He knew how to take care of you. He knew exactly how you feel and often help you to ease your burden at work. A massage chair, totally not a comparison to a wooden stool. So, you are having internal conflict, how not to fall head over heels to this guy. He is the man of your dream. And back at home...a wooden stool...

Ladies, regardless of how the situation is, cheating wife is not acceptable, for whatever reason. For example, your husband is a illegal, unprofessional wrestler, he hit you everyday. So, you felt like you got reason to cheat on him. No, you are not eligible. You can't use this situation as an excuse.

Well, of course I did not say that you shall need to accept it, as it is and suffer your whole life. What you need to do, is first to get rid of him, then only you'll find another man.

For the case of the wooden stoll...you will say, ohhhh come on, he is a wooden stool...and how to say no to a massage chair? Well, yes, it is a temptation that is difficult to resist. But still life is about making choices. You are what you choose. And trust me, a woman was born with an element of loyal inside you. You are full of this element that will gurantee that you won't happy by neglecting this element because its in you.

Come back to the main topic, will you accept and forgive a cheating partner?

Everybody makes mistake. You may be blinded on a massage chair for a while. But then when there is no electricity, the massage chair is not functioning. And it is too big, so it is not mobile. You start missing your wooden stool. You want your wooden stool back. You want a second chance.

What will the wooden stool say? Maybe....

A) Wooden stool will be able to forgive and forget. Because he love you so much and he is not able to hate you. After he done the soul searching, he realized that, this will not happen if he can be both a wooden stool and a massage chair for you. Hence, he took accountability on what that had happened. Furthermore, he was thinking of the children. He knew the children would certainly want the parents to stay together. So, with all these reasons, he gave a second chance.

B) He was so hurt and hate it very much when he think of you being with another guy. This is something that he felt he can’t tolerate. So, he is having this thinking that enough is enough and don’t appear in front of me anymore. No second chance....

Life is full of choices, so choose wisely for you are responsible for everything that you chose :)

And when life gets harder, choosing gets harder, being faithful gets harder, there is always the Almighty for you to lean to, for you to ask, for you to refer to. For every question there’s an answer, for every obstacle, there is solution. So, don't worry, be happy!

AYu

Hobby = No Oscar = Yes

2011-06-24T08:26:00.003+08:00

I now have a new hobby, visiting Korea and being with Oscar. Every day, I see Oscar. I listen to Oscar. And as a result, I am addicted to Oscar. I think I really like him, for now. However, then I came to realize, hobby by definition from the mobile dictionary is something a person enjoys doing (usually / frequently) in his / her spare time and not for pay. Not for pay is correct, Oscar did not pay me to listen or to see him every day. Unfortunately, doing it in his / her spare time is incorrect. I see him all the time. Hence, I am confused. I am confused on 2 things, is this a hobby and why do I have so much of spare time. Why is my time are now all spare? See....confused already.

Well, although I am confused, I am not that clueless. In fact, I am so aware of the time spending attitude and behavior that I am behaving now. In short, this is not a hobby, this is called wasting time. OMG...

In the earlier phase of my life, wasting time is the least activity that I’ve done. I am sure of this since, I am very busy doing the time management things to make sure I’ve done and successfully completed my tasks.

In my school years, I love reading storybooks even though I spend less time reading school textbooks :) And during school holidays, I was busy helping mom selling nasi lemak and after that, as usual basuh pinggan.

In the university years, I am busy coping with studies and being in love. Totally, no wasting time activities. Being in love is not under the category of wasting time. Being in love is under the category of fulfilling the nature’s law :) while investing for future and lifelong partnership.

In my early work life, I am at the busiest. Coping with work, with family. Only 2 items but so complicated. At work, I need to carefully do the time management or else will be working like 24 hours. You have a long list of things to do and less time to do it. And some more under high pressure as all the things to be done quick, complete, meticulously and of course you have to ensure that the results is excellent. During these years, I think I cried a lot. I have hard time, coping with a hectic workplace and coping with my partner. Well, you know the-aligning-values-expectations-hope-with-a-new-too-close-intimate-living-thing-on-earth = husband. Those years are really challenging. And those years are the precious years that I think I have learnt the most. No regrets.

Okay, let’s not continue pushing the reverse button. Now, I have lots of time. Since it is a lot, wasting some of it will not be hazardous, isn’t? But the problem now arise as I am not wasting some of it, I am wasting a lot of it. Minna-san (frens), I am aware of this and still looking for corrective action. Thus, today, I am proudly announcing (as if this is something to be brag about !!) that I am issuing myself a corrective action request. The non conformity in the corrective action request written as

“Failure to make full use of time. Current time spending is not acceptable and not beneficial to own self development , family and organization. The failure may resulted with shrinkage of mind, as the food for mind is now only Korea and Oscar.”

In a system that I comply and apply previously, once corrective action is issued, the person receiving the corrective action request shall have 7 days to answer and reply. So, I have 7 days to put a corrective and preventive actions plan and to ensure that the nonconformity will not re-occur. Good luck to me!!

Note: Tall + rich + handsome = Oscar

Touched.....

2011-06-16T17:43:00.003+08:00

A korean song from the drama - My girlfriend is Gumiho that touched me, deep.....

I still don't understand love
So, I'm unable to get closer
But why my silly heart keep pounding
I come across you again and again
I just can't escape
Towards this helpless love

My heart hurt endlessly
A day has passed
All I think about is you
The pitiful and foolish me

What should I do
What am I going to do
My heart hurt so much
From this helpless love

Photos at Penang and Kelantan ;)

2011-06-04T06:57:00.011+08:00

Vacation at Penang

Vacation at Kelantan

Let's happily and cheerfully go on diet ;)

2011-06-01T11:32:00.004+08:00

Recently, my dear life partner often asked us to go jogging. Jogging......I never like jogging however, after few series of jogging (but actually more walking) activities, I felt something. I felt that I’m heavy and I could only jog for less than a few centimetres (even not meters to illustrate on how bad I am at jogging). How frustrating and irritating?

How come it not be irritating....while I was so in very short-breath, like almost end-of-life and needing CPR, there’s an uncle, at the age of almost 60 years old, jog passed through me. Then, there’s an aunty, like in late 40s, also passing through me, happily, breathing easily. Gosh.....I am so ashamed of myself. What happened to my fitness level.....hello......fitness? Hello........

I hate to admit it but I just could not deny it, I am not fit and overweight.

How could I let this happen? How could I be so cruel to my own body? Since I like to dress up, how could I do nothing about it and just accepted it as it is?

Number 1 fact

This is the heaviest weight in my life. I’ve never been to this weight even when I’m pregnant.

Number 2 fact

Eating, to me is an entertainment. I felt so delightful and overwhelming only by talking about food and when eating.... I really could do the eating, loosing myself in the food. The feeling is so great. It’s like the saying, diamond is a girl best friend. But for my case, food is my best friend and eating is one of my happiness. Even when I already fall asleep and then you wake me up in the middle of the night, telling me, hey let’s eat burger, I will just wake up and eat the burger, delightfully. In other words, it is very difficult for me to refuse eating and to reject an eating invitation. It’s a temptation that I can’t resist....and without food I’ll be depressed and feeling like my life is a misery and is over.

Hence, having this sort of thinking, dieting is never the word that appeared in my life. I may say it out loud that I want to go on diet, but I was never serious about it.

However, now, I am also certain of a few things.

1) I don’t want my weight to continue increasing. And I don’t want my BMI to be at the overweight column.
2) I want to be fit and I want to be able to jog happily for at least half kilometer.
3) I want to easily shop for clothing.
4) I want to see me in fit body which means without the spare tyre and visible excessive fat that certainly won’t make you pretty in your very own eyes.

Thus, I need commitment plus with high consistency and persistence to start a new daily menu. Since I am so passionate about eating, skipping meals will certainly not work for me. So, I shall first try to control my food consumption and to be selective in food choices. This is called smart eating :) Therefore, initially, I shall try this out. I need to divert my love for food to make me healthy instead of making me obesity. Love is good but still overdosed in love is toxic.

Frens.....fightin!!

Below are the list of 11 choices of food that is good for your diet that I extracted from Yahoo. Thanks Yahoo ;)

Yogurt

Mmmm. This creamy, tangy snack is loaded with calcium -- and studies show that calcium may curtail weight gain by hindering the absorption of fat in the small intestine. Check out these other good eats that are bursting with calcium.

Good Sources of Calcium
How much calcium you need, and why, plus calcium-rich foods

Benefits of Calcium
Calcium is essential for strong bones and teeth, and it helps prevent arthritis. But that's not all this mineral is good for. Calcium helps your brain communicate with your nerves and regulates blood pressure, and it may reduce the symptoms of PMS and the risk of colon cancer.

Recommended Amount: How Much You Need
Government guidelines suggest 1,000–1,200 milligrams (mg) of calcium per day is adequate, but RealAge recommends a bit more: 1,000–1,500 mg per day from food and calcium supplements -- but not all at once. Your body can absorb only 500–600 mg at a time, so divide it into two or three doses over the course of a day.
Tip: If you take calcium supplements, take them with vitamin D (they're often combined in one pill) to help absorption -- and with a little magnesium to reduce the constipation sometimes caused by calcium. Don't pair calcium with iron or fiber supplements, which can interfere with your body's ability to absorb the bone-building mineral.

Good Sources of Calcium
Yogurt, plain, low fat (8 ounces) 415 mg
Ricotta cheese from part-skim milk (1/2 cup) 335 mg
Soymilk, fortified (8 ounces) 300 mg
Spinach, cooked from frozen (1 cup) 290 mg
Milk, 2% milk fat (8 ounces) 285 mg
Swiss cheese, shredded (1/4 cup) 214 mg
Cheddar cheese, shredded (1/4 cup) 204 mg
Salmon, canned (3 ounces) 181 mg
Soybeans/edamame (1/2 cup) 130 mg
Tofu (3 ounces) 100 mg
Parmesan cheese, shredded (1 tablespoon) 55 mg

Eggs

Turn breakfast into a fat-burning morning boost by skipping the stack of pancakes and feasting on a couple of eggs instead. According to a study, huevos beat out carbs when it came to helping folks feel full longer and helping them beat back snack attacks later in the day. Here's how eggs helped folks lose 65% more body weight in a recent study.

A Breakfast Favorite That Blasts Fat?
By RealAge

What popular breakfast food may help you peel away pounds? Clue: You have to crack 'em.
Yep. Be they poached, scrambled, or sunny-side up, eggs may be a real friend to dieters. Here's why.

Eggs Beat Bagels
In a study, people on a low-calorie weight loss plan who ate two scrambled eggs and unbuttered toast (with jelly!) for breakfast lost 65 percent more weight than dieters who had a bagel with cream cheese for their morning meal. How do eggs help? They may simply keep people feeling satisfied longer than carbs do -- and eating less later on. (Worried about the cholesterol in eggs? Find out where things stand in the ongoing debate.)

Remember the Big Picture
Keep in mind that this study included a low-calorie diet. That means eating eggs for breakfast helps only if you're watching what and how much you eat the rest of the day, too.

Pistachios

Nuts may be high in fat, but it's the healthful unsaturated kind of fat found in pistachios. And like all nuts, pistachios offer lots of hunger-curbing protein and fiber. All of these qualities together explain why adding pistachios to the diet helped dieters in a study curb their appetites and lose more weight. Here's more on how pistachios and other nuts pull off this feeling-full feat.
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Grapefruit

Of all the foods rumored to boost weight loss, grapefruit is likely the most famous. And research confirms that this fruit's get-slim celebrity status is for real. One study in particular revealed that eating half a grapefruit before each meal helped dieters shed more pounds than people who skipped the tart appetizer. Get hip to why most fad diets don't work and can actually be dangerous.
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Don't Believe the Hype: Fad-Diet Fallacies
By RealAge
Page 1 of 1

No doubt you've heard at least one friend, family member, or coworker talk about his or her experiences with the Atkins approach, the South Beach Diet, or the Zone. But before counting carbs was all the rage, a low-fat lifestyle was the diet du jour. And before that . . . well, you get the picture.
The buzz surrounding these popular programs can make even the most sensible eater a little curious. And if you're searching for a way to lose stubborn pounds, these programs may seem like far more than a curiosity -- they may sound like the answer to your prayers.
Unfortunately, few people experience long-term success with fad diets, and a large percentage of the population is still overweight. How can that be? Simple: Rather than helping people understand and adopt a lifelong approach of balancing caloric intake with calories burned, fad diets often give people excuses to eat insensibly, hindering their attempts to make permanent, healthy changes to their diets and lifestyles.

How to Avoid Being Taken
Occasionally, there are a few valuable lessons hidden in some of these elaborate diet plans, but you need to sift through misinformation and oversimplification to get to the practical, healthful nutrition advice. So when it comes to fad diets, here are two quick ways to alleviate confusion:

1. Beware of misleading buzzwords. Once the buzz about the latest diet trend begins, marketers latch on to certain key words and product points that appeal to people who are watching their weight with the trend. Then, the food industry responds by focusing on words and claims that suggest their products can help dieters follow a particular diet plan. Unfortunately, these buzzwords are often misleading, allowing the manufacturers to capitalize not only on consumers' curiosity but also on their lack of certainty about nutrition labeling.
Take, for example, one of the buzz phrases in low-carb dieting: "net carbs." Dozens of products now claim to have low "net carbs" or low "impact carbs." Both of these terms sound technical. But the truth is that these terms were created by the diet and food industry.

They have not been evaluated, approved, or regulated by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA).

If it's not a government-approved labeling method, there's no way to evaluate what the term means or whether it's benefiting your health.
Furthermore, this "net carb" terminology does not generally provide an accurate estimate of total carbohydrate content. The FDA calculates total carbohydrates by subtracting grams of protein, fat, water, and ash from the total weight of the food. This number is listed on the food label as total carbohydrates.

Diet-food manufacturers calculate "net carbs" by taking total carbohydrates and subtracting fiber, glycerin, and sugar alcohols, all of which are forms of carbohydrates. This gives the appearance of reduced amounts of carbohydrates in their products and suggests that the products don't raise blood sugar, even though they do.

Unfortunately, the use of such labeling has expanded to hundreds of other foods and may lead you to believe you are consuming fewer carbs and calories than you actually are.

Avocado

This green goddess of heavenly, creamy taste can help you whittle your waist. It's true! Researchers suspect that the unsaturated fat in avocados may ratchet up body levels of the hunger-halting hormone called leptin -- a hormone that lets your brain know that you're full, so you stop eating. Find out what fats make you hungrier and what ones can help curb the munchies.

That fatty bacon cheeseburger may be loaded with calories, but at least it stomps out your hunger. Right?

Not necessarily. Compared to low-fat meals with the same number of calories, meals that are basically fat fiestas do an odd thing: The saturated fats in them make your body release less leptin, a hormone designed to turn off appetite. Saturated fats are the belly-bulgers and artery-agers found in fats that come from four-legged sources: high-fat red meats, butter, full-fat cheeses, and other whole-milk products. (Trans fats are just as bad, by the way.) Sat fats are rarely found in plant foods, with two vital exceptions: palm and coconut oils.

To help your body release leptin -- which is stored in fat cells (see? you knew they were good for something) -- you need to eat healthful unsaturated fats. Find them in nuts (especially walnuts), seeds, olives, avocados, most vegetable oils (especially canola), many fish, and even algae (or DHA omega-3 supplements made from algae). You don't want to avoid fat altogether: You need it to maintain your energy, absorb certain nutrients, and repair tissue. And moderate amounts of healthy fat are associated with a decreased risk of heart disease.

You also want to help leptin do its #1 job: telling you, "You're not hungry any more." So in addition to avoiding sat fat, adopt these waist protectors:

Mushrooms

If you want to try an easy and tasty calorie-cutting trick, then replace the meat in your favorite recipes with mushrooms. You'll automatically cut about 420 calories out of a meal, partly because you'll skip all the belly-padding saturated fat contained in meat. And folks in a recent study found mushrooms just as tasty and filling as meat.

Here's a simple way to slash major calories from some of your favorite comfort foods -- and you won't miss a thing.

When you're making lasagna, sloppy joes, chili, and other ground beef dishes, use chopped mushrooms instead of meat. If you're like the people in a recent study, you'll naturally eat about 420 fewer calories with these mushroom-enriched meals. (Need help losing holiday pounds? Try the Amazing Soup Diet in our New Year, New You Center.)

The Other Red Meat
People in the study also said the mushroom makeovers tasted just as good and kept them feeling full just as long as the beef versions did. And not only did the mushroom-based dishes mean a lower-calorie meal, but the mushroom eaters also ate fewer calories and less fat throughout the day than the beef eaters did. (Check out the Savory Mushroom Stroganoff recipe in this article.)

Olive Oil

This rich-tasting oil found in salad dressings and marinades contains a hunger-busting monounsaturated fat called oleic acid -- which triggers a complicated process in the gut that ultimately tells your brain you're full and makes you want to stop eating. Olive oil also plays a starring role in heart-healthy Mediterranean-style diets.
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Whole Grains

Ready to trade your belly bulge for a flat tummy? Then toss your refined grains into the garbage, and eat more whole grains instead. Research shows this one move can help whittle your middle. We're talking brown rice, quinoa, steel-cut oats, whole-grain cereal, and 100% whole-wheat bread and pasta. Discover how whole grains helped flatten the bellies of 3,000 men and women in a recent study.
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Ditching belly fat may be a simple matter of choosing the right rice or bread. And the choice to make? Whole grains.

You probably already love whole grains for their heart-healthy, disease-defying superpowers. So new research on their belly-fat-busting abilities should vault whole grains to the top of your grocery list.

A One-Grain Guy
In fact, the more whole grains you add to your diet in place of refined grains, the better off your waistline will be. In a new study where scientists reviewed the diets of close to 3,000 men and women, they found a strong correlation between belly fat and grain choice. The whole-grain lovers tended to have less belly fat than refined-grain buyers -- and had smaller waists, too. But eating more whole grains had a fat-curbing effect only when it was combined with a low intake of refined grains. So eating that whole-grain cereal at breakfast doesn't mean you can slack off and have the white-bread sandwich at lunchtime. (Here's another stomach-slimming secret: Cook with this type of fat.)

The Magic Number
Just how many whole-grain servings do you need to stay slim? Researchers think at least three servings daily is a good goal. That can be achieved with half a cup of steel-cut oatmeal in the morning and a couple of slices of whole-grain bread for your sandwich at lunch. But not just any whole-grain bread. Find a loaf that's high in fiber. Researchers suspect the waist-friendly qualities of whole-grain products come, in part, from the appetite-steadying fiber found inside. Whole grains also have lots of magnesium, which is good for improving insulin sensitivity.

Red Pepper

Add some heat to your meals and you'll boost not only the taste but also the effectiveness of your weight loss diet. A dash of cayenne pepper or some diced jalapeno or red peppers will do the trick. They all contain capsaicin -- the heat-inducing compound in red peppers that, according to research, tamps down appetite and curbs food intake later in the day. A similar compound in sweet peppers may hinder fat storage, too.

Fava Beans

Creamy and hearty, fava beans are a lean protein source bursting with flavonoids. And in a 14-year study, these special antioxidants were shown to help hinder the accumulation of extra belly fat. Slim your belly and your body with this fat-blasting plan from the YOU Docs.

Rice with Veggies

Adding some high-fiber vegetables like broccoli, carrots, and kale to your rice will obviously help lower the calorie count. But not only that. Adding veggies to rice at lunchtime appears to slow stomach emptying, according to research. The end result? You feel full longer. In fact, people in a study ate much less at dinner when they added veggies to their rice at lunch. Here's more on how rice and vegetables work together to keep you full.

Shrink your appetite, your calorie intake, and your pants size with just one little addition to your rice: vegetables.
In a recent study of normal-weight people, mixing vegetables into a plain rice dish at lunch helped people feel fuller for the rest of the day. So much so that they ate way fewer calories at dinner than the folks who had their rice straight up.

Less Is More
Mixing veggies with the rice also lowered the calorie density of the lunch dish, shaving off a solid 100+ calories from the meal. So whether you opt for brown, basmati, or long-grain, adding things like broccoli, carrots, peppers, and onions to your rice can help cut calories from your day twice. And that's twice as nice for your waist! (Here's another way to cut your appetite. Eat a little of this kind of fat.)

Weight Loss Weapon
It's not entirely clear why the lower-calorie veggies-and-rice dish produced a better effect on all-day hunger compared with the rice-only dish, but researchers suspect the high water content of produce may have been part of the key. High water content makes vegetables bulky, creating the visual illusion that the rice-plus-veggie serving was extra generous and hearty, and therefore more filling. Plus, eating high-fiber veggies helps slow stomach emptying. Whatever the hunger-quelling mechanism, it's simple to toss a few of your favorite vegetables into not only rice but just about any meal.

I believe I can fly......

2011-05-25T17:43:00.002+08:00

I’ve aim to be excellent in anything that I do. Excellent and no compromise – the highest, the best. Of course, when you’ve aimed, go to the maximum, the very maximum. So, do I. I am convinced and determined that the goal, the aim to be on the excellence path was achievable, not mission impossible. My motivation level was full, like the new- and- just-pumped-with-air-balloon. Full of spirit and energy, like the atoms at the most outside layer of the molecules, couldn’t wait any longer to flew, dancing, jumping, mingling with other molecules. The excitement was exploding, enormous, extravaganza. It’s like, I’m a dancer and I couldn’t keep my feet to stand still as it can’t wait to get on the dance floor.

But then.......it struck me right in the face, what should I dance?
Shall I tango?
Shall I tip toe?
Shall I ballet?
Shall I salsa?

OMG! I have lost the gist. It’s like I have a sweet dream, but I don’t fall asleep. I have an alluring slice of pecan butterscotch, but I don’t have appetite. I have a red Ferrari 458 Italia, but I don’t drive......

How pathetic.....I have everything except for the thing that I want-enjoy-love-to-do.......I want to be good, but I don’t know, in what, that I want to be good. I’m not sure whether this thought of mine is kind of confusing or amusing.

Hmmmm.......am I complicated or complication is part of me?

Since I am clueless, I’ve review the chronology....

In school, I was selected to attend to science classes, science stream because of the earlier examination results, so I followed and I was okay.

After school, I got engineering and science course offered, I took science. The decision was much influenced by my parents that really want me to go the university that offered the science course, chemistry to be precise. So, I obeyed and I was doing pretty well. I guessed, it was very much driven by the condition of my family. I grew up in the environment that make ones, think that life will be like hell without money. You have this-kind-of-thought that you shall have no friends, no one unless you have money. You need to earn money as much as you need to earn respect.

Therefore, with all these thoughts in mind, I need to get good grades, hence, obtain good job, earn good money and live life the way I want it to be. Thus..... I’ve been there. I’ve got what I’ve aimed for. Only little that I know, that, as a result, I have become a slave instead of a master to myself.

Am I working for money or the money working for me? It is satisfying, fulfilling to earn money and to lose everything else?

Can I get both, money and satisfaction? Can I amused the physical needs and the soul needs simultaneously?

I have a dream that I am spending my life doing the thing that I love most and at the same time, earn money, earn respect, fulfilling my responsibility as a muslim, as a citizen. Or even sweet and pleasurable, to be able to do the thing that I love most and money is not a factor. Meaning, I have a funder for the activities or I am a millionaire that earn passive income and hence my active life can be channel to the thing that I love most.

Hah....may my dreams came true........And I may continue searching, looking for the thing that I love most, to do, to enjoy, to love and to contribute most..... By the time my super fast jet ready, I shall knew the destination to fly :)

I Believe I Can Fly - R Kelly

I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[Chorus:]
I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me, oh

If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

AYu

Muhammad Afiq Md Ashraf

2011-04-27T09:24:00.002+08:00

Often, very often in this blog, I wrote about my daughter, Nurul Adibah. Very seldom or may be none, I write something on Muhammad Afiq, my beloved son. I have read an article that says something like this “to those parents who had a special child, don’t neglect your normal child because very often all the parents’ attentions goes to the special child...”

It’s very true. Sometimes you were just too busy taking care of the special one and forgot that...oh mine....there’s another one, peeping at the door, wanting to say something and having the impression like….hey mama, I’m your child too…..Afiq sacrificed a lot too…especially for the first 2 years after Adibah was born, because Adibah is always sick and have to be admitted to the hospital. And whenever she’s in, I’m staying too, of course….sometimes for almost 2 weeks. And Afiq kept calling and asked the same question, when will we be back...I think he already get used to it…I hope he does. I hope he understood the whole situation, even though he is just a kid.....

Afiq, my beloved son, is kind of a slow, sentimental person. When he was younger, me and my husband were so worried on whether his brain was kind of slow too…. He is just a kid, but it seems like his taking some time to think first before he does something. Kids don’t think much especially boys. Their level of maturity development is slower than girls. They just do whatever they like. But Afiq is totally different.

There are times when he refused to play outside. I was thinking that may be this circumstance appeared because he wanted to get deep into the play station. But I was wrong. He then explained that he dislike the way of our neighbors treated the children. I was aware of this situation, these kind-of-neighbors but was unaware that it affected Afiq’s action. There’s an uncle that often yelled to the kids, yelling the negative words...I do not wish to explain further....He is old and should be a good behavior model, or at least just be nice and saying positive, good things, but unfortunately, he is not...And there’s one aunty that are too defensive of her grandchild. She like forcing the neighborhood kids to play with his grandchildren, or else, she will scold them. She did not try to understand of why the kids did not want to play with her grandchild...and hence, Afiq made a decision to not play outside.

And when Afiq is about 5 years, he complained that there’s a kid that always like to punch him. So, I was saying, then why don’t you punched him back (I was not sure on whether I was giving a correct advise but to me this is called self defense :)). And Afiq replied back, are you angry if someone hit me? Then I said, yes of course. Then, he said, so if he punch the boy and the boy’s parent saw it, they will be angry too isn’t? Hmmmm.... have to think first before saying anything.....then, I said “ you should told the boy’s parents that he punched you first"...

Simultaneously, I was thinking, is my child normal? Doesn’t seems like he is thinking too much before taking any action which is not so normal for a kid at 5 years old? I then draw a conclusion that my son is under the sentimental category and very attentive to his environment....hmmmmm

Other than that, like other kids, Afiq also did ask a lot of questions like how to produce babies? How do we get electricity? What is rape? Why the colours of human are different? He is referring to so-white-skin-people and so-black skin-people. Why there are many religions? And so many related and interrelated questions...

And because he is such a “hardworking” student, he also often asked on why he has to go to school and why schooling is 5 days and not-schooling is 2 days? You see....having kids are not that simple. It’s complicated actually...

The book on parenthood that I’ve read are right, when you explained to your child, explain to him the right, correct answer... the truth... Although they are just kids, do not underestimate them because they can understand it in their own way. Hence, when I explained to Afiq on Adibah’s condition, just one time of explanation, he can understood it and accepted it with no further question ask.

Looking at him, cuddling Adibah and kissing her and saying that she is so cute often light up my day. He loves her as much as we do…..

Recently, Afiq always asked on whether he is going to get another younger brother or sister. Then I replied, what if abah get marry with another woman and then have kids. So, automatically, Afiq will have younger brother and sister. Afiq then replied, but if this occurred, won’t you be sad? “Afiq tak nak mama sedih…”
Syukur Alhamdullilah.....I have a hero ;)

Nice guy finish last

2011-04-21T23:04:00.003+08:00

A few years back, when I was in Japan for training, I met this one guy, one very shy quiet guy. I went there for training. We used to communicate through email before my visit to Japan. Because we are in the same department, when I was in Japan, he kind of having the obligation to entertain me.....so I have to follow him here and there in the company. For the fact, he is tall, in term of look = not so good looking, kind of a nerd, polite although not much words coming out from his mouth (since he did not talk much, this polite adjective is based on the way he treated you, in a very good-manner with respect), single and he has a nice car :) of course, Japan’s car is very nice....

One day, I have to go through an equipment training with him. Oh my god, it was so boring. Although he had tried his best to make sure I did not fall asleep....and I was yawning at the rate of twice per minute. I was doing that deliberately so that he stopped talking and the session ended quickly. However this body language, did not work, because he still continue to talk.....( I guessed he never use body language before.....)

I then looked at his face...I was stunned and amazed because I just realised that he, actually can talk. Since I met him, he only talked to me about 10 sentences a day. I thought that this was because of the language barrier. My interpretation is wrong.....

The way he talked about the machine illustrating his deep passion and enthusiasm towards that equipment as if he had slept with it. Asked him anything about that machine, he can explain to you from A to Z, inside and outside. He is so technically sound. As for me, only by mentioning the word equipment and technical, can frightened me. I then at that very specific moment discovered that I am certainly not in love with machines and all the related technical things on machines. I can understand it, but to love it, to sleep with it, talking to it.... that is just not me.

For example, a person like me, given a machine called car. I only know how to run this application so that it can move me from this dot to that dot. And the basic function on how to make it move, like refuelling. Other than that, I don’t know and I just don’t want to know ( I often get scolded by my sister for this......).

Okay, come back to that Japanese guy. Usually after work, we will go for dinner. After dinner, this guy will have the task to send me home. Thus, this is the moment when I was alone with him. Since he did not talk much, other that talking about machine, I was doing all the talking and questioning and he only answered. I asked him about his life, what he does after work and bla...bla..bla.....Trust me, you would never want to hear of his routine, it is so black and white until I wonder whether he is a man or machine....I seriously, honestly think, he should get more colours, he should get married.

Earlier that week, when we went and played bowling, I observed that there are many girls. So, there is no reason of not getting a girl because there are many. And this Japanese guy, don’t really talked to girls.....So, girls don’t talk to him too. As a result, there is not much conversation with the opposite sex. In addition to this, this Japanese guy, even after drinking wine can still control himself. He doesn’t go after girls even after he is drunk. Could he be not normal? That is out of question. The main point is that, he is in a very good controlled of himself, may be too good until he can’t seem to let loose of himself, he is very shy and may be with a little bit of low self esteem when it comes to girls. If he can master the girls like he master the equipment, he would certainly become a Casanova despite of his look. Girls don’t really go for looks only, this is a fact.

What I would like to express here is.......

Guys can’t be too shy. Guys should be the one to approach girls. Guys should be brave, strong, with high courage and of course fight for their love.

If a guy is interested with a girl, then he should start giving signals. Once the girl, giving a positive feedback, the guy should not wait any longer but straight away making an attempt to tackle the girl. I understood that when it comes to girls, guys used to have a skyrocket ego......But come on..... You can’t have babies with your ego. So, think wisely......

Giving a try to tackle a girl won’t make you a simpleton. Even if you are rejected, that simply means you are not reading the signals correctly or the girls did not give the correct signals....So what? It is not the end the world. Take it as a lesson and try again. That’s what we do, practice makes perfect. And come on, you are a guy, meaning, you can’t be too delicate and vulnerable. It does not fit the image of a normal-healthy-man.

Unfortunately, plus with a self-denial statement, a guy would say, I don’t need a woman. No woman, no cry......well, I don’t think I need to further elaborate this. We are designed by the Creator to have the tendency to fulfil our needs as human. So, why choose to go against the principle?? You’ll never win.....

Therefore, hurry up..... It is always not too late to learn and try.....come on guys, let’s get the ball rolling :)

AYu

For my lil sis......Happy Birthday!!

2011-04-19T10:05:00.002+08:00

Dear lil sis,

First and foremost, Happy Birthday! If you asked me for my wish for you, I wished for all your wishes and dreams came true, millions and countless of happiness for you to share with your loved ones, all your sadness been washed away by the falling rain and of course, all your disappointments and despair gone, in a blink of eye.

On your birthday, it often reminds me of the years that had gone by, the moments that we shared, the people that we loved and lost. And thinking of these moments often made me sad and sorry for myself and for you. I am so sorry my lil sis for not being a good sister and very far away from being a wonderful sister. I, sometimes thought to myself, have I ever been a sister to you and fulfilling the function of a sister, performing my task and responsibility as a sister or at least being a friend to you.

I can’t even count with my fingers, of me being nice and good to you as a sister. All that I can remembered is seeing myself scolding and being angry with you. And I felt even worst as I remembered you of not even a moment, a minute, raising your voice towards me. All that I remembered was you with the image of respecting me and obeying me as a big sis.

I remembered a day during Hari Raya when mom made us baju kurung, green colour with black polka dot. I was so angry with mom for having you and me wearing the same baju kurung. I really hated it and threw my frustration towards you although at that moment, you were still very young..... You must have been thinking, what is wrong with me....I wonder too.....forgive me for being a cruel, heartless sister....you knew me, I was always so stubborn and aggressive....hmmmmm the typical me...

Then, time flies. You and I were teenagers. I was closer to my friends than you. There are many things that I don’t know or don’t even care about you. I was busy entertaining my life. The life that I always wanted, away from our difficult life. I get so carried away and I’m really sorry if in those days, you felt like you never exist in my life. I am sorry lil sis for being so selfish and let you carry the burden of our life alone. You and mom often shared many things and sometimes I did felt jealous when mom knew more than me about you but still being me, the one so independent, repulsive, rebellious and deciding my life as I want it to be without referring to you and mom, I just don’t care much and wanted so much to be free.

But still, despite of all those years, despite of all the things that I’ve done, you were always loyal to me. You were always there for me when I needed you. You were always the one volunteered to take care of me when I was in pain. You were always there for me. You were always the one that I can count on. Thinking of this made me felt so lucky, so thankful, so grateful that I have you as my sister.

And at the same time, often made me felt bad, ashamed of myself for being such as useless sister, always not being able to be with you when you were in pain, in sadness, alone. I was never a shoulder for you to cry on. I was never there for you.......

My lil sis,
For that.....
for all those moments that I was not being like a sister to you but more like a step sister....
for all those years of pain and burden of the family that you have had on your shoulder alone....
for all those tears that you quietly wept at night.....

I am truly sorry......
I can’t turn back time....
I can’t fix those years, those moment of sadness....
I can’t repair your broken heart....
I won’t be able to do all these.

All that I can say..... I am here now. I want to be your shoulder to cry one. I want to share your joy, your happiness, your sadness. I want to be a wonderful sister. Let’s cherish our life together, let’s make things happened and enjoy every moments......

My lil sis,
Again, happy birthday! And I am your birthday present, a sister that would like to devote herself, heart and soul to take care of her lil sis.....InsyaAllah....

AYu

Just take my heart

2011-04-19T10:01:00.002+08:00

It's late at night and neither one of us is sleeping
I can't imagine living my life after you're gone
Wondering why so many questions have no answers
I keep on searching for the reason why we went wrong

Where is our yesterday
You and I could use it right now
But if this is goodbye

Just take my heart when you go
I don't have the need for it anymore
I'll always love you, but you're too hard to hold
Just take my heart when you go

Here we are about to take the final step now
I just can't fool myself, I know there's no turing back
Face to face it's been endless conversation
But when the love is gone you're left with nothing but talk

I'd give my everything
If only I could turn you around
But if this is goodbye

Just take my heart when you go
I don't have the need for it anymore
I'll always love you but you're too hard to hold
Just take my heart when you go

Mr Big - Just take my heart

Developed and developing??

2011-03-29T15:56:00.002+08:00

The last few days, I’ve spent it at the hospital with my husband, accompanying him. He got stone at the kidney. He was in Putrajaya when he felt the pain. Hearing about his pain and having sent to the hospital was enough to make me worried so much. Even though I knew that his friends were taking good care of him, I am still very worried and can’t wait to be with him.

Due to this stone thing, he had to undergo a minor operation. Again, I was worried. Will the operation be okay? What if anything bad happened during the operation and etc.

Hah.....this tiny test to us had made us worried so much. What about those in Japan? They are facing a much greater challenge than us. Hence, the ability of the Japanese to stay calm and relax in facing this disaster test is amazing. And yes, we have to admit, they are, the peoples of a developed country. Today, they proved that they are a developed country and so as the citizens, all developed and matured.

As you knew Japan too, is a country with high technology. Again, I admired them. Imagine their life is in a very high technology environment where all you need to do is to push a button and things will move. From house, to work place and even the toilet, with one button push or sometimes don’t even have to push any button, using sensors, things will be automatically done. Thus, then after having this kind of life, you were push to enter an environment without electricity and water, will you be able to remain calm? The Japanese did.

They have proved that they are able to still survive this kind of situation apart from their-so-called-pampered-life. Can you imagine if this disaster took place in Malaysia? Can you imagine how we react? Hmmmm.........that is why we are developing country and not developed country...

I am not sure on how the Japanese having this good attitude. Since they are not really religious, thus, I believed, that they are well-trained. The Japanese leaders’ had a perfect mould to mould the citizens into this good shape. I remembered when our ex PM, Mahathir was talking about Wawasan 2020, having citizens in our own mould. I believed, he was talking about having a developed citizen and not only developed country by 2020. Of course, how could we have a developed country without first having a developed citizen. In fact, we need a developed citizen first, prior to the developed country.

But looking at Malaysia’s current condition of development, I am not really sure whether we are moving the right way. Don’t really see the human development program or any educational method of developing the citizens into a developed-country- citizen being done. And I am not sure whether we have a mould? Do we know what we want to be? And are we moving towards Wawasan 2020, or with a new leader now, had Wawasan 2020 been banish? And here we are, 1 Malaysia. Or the leader now is just interested with educating the public on road traffic regulations by giving summons....thus, other than that, nothing else matter....

I can still see peoples throwing rubbish out of their car window, hence I believed we are far behind, to catch up with 2020. Shall we bid farewell to 2020 and come out with the new targets? Well, who actually cares about this? The government? The peoples? I won’t blame the Malaysian citizen if they don’t care.

I knew, Malaysians are busy coping with the increase of price of the mandatory life needs, such as food. In order to cope with the high living expenses, adults have to spend more time at work to gain extra money. Due to this, less time spend with family. Thus, leading to higher rate of broken-family-institution and hence, more abandoned children.

So, our next generation, will be mostly children from broken or half-broken-family. And with this, do we still talk about being a developed country?

Okay, I’ll stop writing now.....enough said neh....let’s stop complaining and do our part. We are all grown up and we knew what we have to do. So, people.....let’s move it.....we certainly don’t want a real tsunami to come to us and then only we learn a lesson, don’t we.....

AYu

A letter of complaint

2011-03-07T11:06:00.003+08:00

After receiving the letter from Takaful Ikhlas Sdn Bhd, that Adibah's insurance application is rejected, I was so piss off. It's written in the letter that the application is rejected because of her health condition. I totally did not understand what this mean?

Are they referring to my child deaf-blindness? She is not eligible to obtain the medical card because of her deaf-blindness? What were they thinking? That they will facing a big loss because Adibah will regularly admitted to the hospital because of her deaf-blindness. I couldn't believed this is happening. She is having that deaf-blindness since born. It is a congenital defect, a god's gift. And I totally understood that congenital defects is not covered. I'm not that stupid. They can easily explained to me in a very simple manner.

But no, they did not. They straight away rejected her application. Thus, I wrote a letter of complaint and emailed it this morning. I can always keep quite and pretend this never happened and just go to other insurance service provider but it hurts me more. I am certain that what is done by this insurance company, is not a correct and is not the right thing. Especially when you are promoting an Insurance scheme under the name of Takaful, under the brand of Islam and then you refuse to assist a multiple disable kid and rejected her straight away with no further question ask? Hah.....this is so absurd....

From: RAHAYU BINTI RAZAK
Sent: Mon 3/7/2011 9:40 AM
To: ikhlascare@takaful-ikhlas.com.my
Subject: A letter of complaint

Salam.

My name is Rahayu Razak. The purpose of writing this email is to express my disapointment and hence request for action to be taken by Takaful Ikhlas Sdn Bhd.

Early this year, I applied for Takaful Insurance Coverage for my family, including my special child Nurul Adibah Md Ashraf. Last week, I received a letter dated 11 Feb 2011, received by my agent on 23 Feb 2011. The application for Nurul Adibah Md Ashraf (application number - HS1181081) is rejected with the reason written in the letter - Permohonan ditolak kerana keadaaan kesihatan peserta. I am so disapointted with this decision. And I do not understand why is the insurance application rejected because of my child health condition.

First
I wondered how do your company decide on my child's health condition without seeing the medical report. Together with the application, I only submitted Borang pendaftaran dan cadangan penempatan kanak-kanak keperluan khas (0-18 tahun). And in this form it is only stated that my child is having a profound hearing impairment and blind. In other words, my child is deaf-blind.

And the diagnose in the 2nd page written Learning Disorder with Visual impairment. There is no any phrase in the form describing my child's health condition.

Second
My child is currently 6 years old. Previously, I have no insurance issues on hospitalization because I and my family is covered under my company, a MNC in Kulim Hi-tech Park. The insurance under this MNC is Tokio Marine. As fas as I can remembered, Tokio Marine has no issues in providing insurance for my special child as they clearly informed me that congenital defect is not covered. Other than that, there is no problem. And yes, it is very true, whenever Adibah was admitted to Gleneagles Medical Center is Penang due to fever, Tokio Marine had never asked any question. It is fully covered.

However, I then changed job. I worked in SIRIM as a contract worker and thus, only me is covered under insurance and not my family. That is why I was looking for insurance coverage for my family.

And being a Muslim, I applied for Takaful Insurance as I strongly believed that it is my responsibility to support Takaful Insurance provider. However, having this result, I can't help feeling that my child, a orang kurang upaya being discriminate by a Takaful Insurance provider. That of course does not sounds good to the society.

Third
I applied for insurance for the whole family. Thus, when your company rejected my daughter's application, why I was not informed earlier, before you approved the other family members' application. Why do think that I am still interested with your company after such discrimination? Hence, I would like to cancel all the other insurance policy and get my money back. And along the process, me and my other family members should still be under your coverage.

Should the details that had been submitted to you on my child's condition is not sufficient for you to make decision on the application, why in the first place you did not come back to me and request for more informations. I have a medical report from Pakar Perunding Pediatrik in GH Penang saying that other than deaf-blind, my child does not have any other health issues or difficulties.

This situation is totally unacceptable and hence, as a customer please attend to my request, as stated above immediately.

Regards,
Rahayu

To end the clueless phase of life

2011-01-14T12:08:00.003+08:00

It has been quite some time since I wrote something here....busy? No. Busy body? Yes :)

I did not write anything because I am in the clueless phase. Again, me, myself, being the typical me...like to have a high expectation on myself. Hence again, I was thinking, am I doing what I am suppose to do in my life? Is this the kind of life that I want? Why this kind of life? Why this ordinary life? When I think I deserve an extravaganza life. Why am I being normal? When I can be special. Why I choose this path and not the other path? Why am I downgrading myself in my own career path? Why and why and endless......of why.......

After a few weeks of thinking, I found myself drowned, demotivated, not happy (inside) and confused. Felt like something is missing....hmmm what is missing? Guess what.....I stop planning :0

I wondered why do I stop planning. You can’t stop planning your life....ones needs to plan, to have vision, mission, objective, targets in life. I stop planning because I don’t know what I want to be..... haiya....after 33 years of life, I still don’t know what I want to be? How pathetic....pity me.

To make things even worst, I took Afiq to bowling class weekly. At Afiq’s bowling class, I felt even sad and jealous and envy towards Afiq’s bowling coach. He looks happy, he looks like he loves his job, he teaches and plays at the same time. He loves kids. He is good at bowling.....what else would he want....I am so jealous.....incredibly jealous!!

That is what I want. To be incredibly good at something that I really love......

So, next I was thinking....hmmm...what are the things that I am good at? I have a good degree, I am a certified quality engineer by the American Society of Quality, I’ve been a boss to a group of engineers and technicians in a multinational company, but what am I good at? At home, I’m a mother, a wife, I have 2 lovely kids....but am I a good mother?? Oppsss.......I knew the answer, and its negative.....

After evaluating and re-evaluating, I found that I am not good at anything. I don’t have a 1 thing that I am really good at. That I can proudly say, hey....this is my territory, give it to me and I gave you excellent results. Nope....don’t have any. At home, my performance is even worst.....

Thus, after thinking and thinking and a few weeks that goes unplanned and messy and sucks....and my brain is not working properly or may be not working at all.....other than keep thinking whether I should do this? Or shouldn’t do this and this and this.....

I asked myself. What do I have? I have a fantastic husband. I have a charming son. I have a beautiful, sin-free daughter. I have a kind-hearted mother in laws. I have a supportive parents and sister. I have a great boss, I have a bunch of crazy-funky-lovely officemates.

What I do not have is a thing that I am good at, a good status in my career or I guessed, I actually do not have a career.

However, comparing to the things that I have.....I should not complaint. I am not eligible to complaint at all. I have so many things but still I am very busy thinking and wishing for the things that I don’t have. Poor me......

So, I pick up all my strength, pick all the skills that I have, picking up the professionalism that I used to practice, picking up courage, love and knowledge.

I have made a resolution.

I am going to be good in anything that I touch....anything.....

As a muslim, as a life partner, as a mother, as a daughter, as an employee, as a friend......I am going to be good because I knew how to be good and I want to be good. All I need is to put effort and to practice all the skills and knowledge that I have towards these goals....and of course, I will plan my life towards these objectives.

Remember, success is not a destination, it’s a journey!! So enjoy the journey.....

AYu

Don't worry....Be Happy :)

2010-11-08T13:26:00.002+08:00

After many many years, I met again with a friend, a long lost friend, a good friend, a friend from my childhood. Thanks to FB…..

My friend, is still single and available. From the way she’s saying things, looks like she’s lonely, kind of a bit unhappy with being singles. Since she’s always like having this sad tone, its kind of hard for me to approach her, meaning to spend more time with her. Not that I don’t like being with sad people or to listen to their grievances, but come on…..life goes on…..why lead a sad, unhappy life, when you can be as happy as you wish for….

Yes, what you wish for, for her case, a life partner, may not yet come to her, but that does not mean that she need to lead a life with full of disappointment and sadness until her wish is granted. Everybody would want to lead a normal, happy life with your love ones but sometimes things does not goes the way you want it to be, for it is not us deciding on our fate. And come on…..that is what life is all about, you don’t always get what you want, so deal with it…..you don’t go against the principles, you go align with the principles!! Araso!!

Yet, then she will said, it’s easy for me to say that because it seems like I am more fortunate than her, I have everything and bla bla bla……….Which is also correct, I’m not in her shoes and therefore, I may not understand how she feels.

But still, I’m a human too. I have problems too. Married peoples have problems too. As for my case, I would love to spend more time with my parents, but I can’t, I’ve a family to take care too. I am always worried of who will be taking care of my parents if their sick, because I have a family to take care too. And this is different if you’re singles and some more living with your parents. You can be there for them, and I wish for that….

Singles can spend more time with friends, and I wish for that too, you can attend all the reunion on earth……

Singles don’t have to worry about groceries, don’t have to worry about cooking meals for the family, don’t have to worry about not-having-enough-sleep because taking care your sick kid, don’t have to worry about whether it’s a school holiday or not whenever you want to go for vacation. Don’t have to worry on whether your kids get good grades or not at school….Don’t have to worries about in-laws and how to please them…..in laws can sometimes be very irritating…..but still you have to endure it :)

Hah……married life is just not something easy….although yes, it is a normal process flow but still the challenges can sometimes be abnormal :) Let me briefly describe it…

First, you fall in love, you put all your best effort to attract the attention of your love ones.

Secondly, both are attracted, you got married.

Thirdly, after married, in order to align the values, you were fighting with your partner, at a rating of 10, meaning, fighting every single day.

As a result, after a few years, you were already exhausted because of all the activities at the first three step, thus you slow down and start ignoring each other.

And then you get bored and were confused whether you are married or not???

Due to this, you have to search again of where is it your love and your love ones…..so, you have to come back to step 1 again and do the soul searching….Hmmm…..see….i told you, it is not something easy…..

Okay…okay….I am so far deviating from the main topic and certainly does not want to frighten you on the thing call marriage….so straight to the point, we have to be grateful with what we have today. Be happy today and don’t put your happiness to a condition like, I’ll be happier if I have a husband….I’ll be happier if I drive BMW, I’ll be happier if I’m a millionaire…..but of course, it does not mean that you can’t dream of having BMW and does not mean that you stop planning for your future.

It just simply means that be happy today and be happy to plan your life to way you want it to be. If it doesn’t appear to be like what you’ve aim for, then be brave to face it, because we all knew, we plan, we pray and we put effort to it, and the results, still have to leave it to the Authorized……

Last but not least, don’t forget, to look at the bright side, if you are singles, you can still live life to the fullest, you may spend more time with your parents, you may spend more time with friends, you may continue studying overseas, go whenever you want to go without having to worry about anybody else other than yourself. And who knows, along the way, you may find your life partner……

AYu

The pig-rabbit

2010-11-04T08:29:00.001+08:00

Today, after a few days…I’ve finished watching the pig-rabbit… No no no wasn’t talking about either the pig or the rabbit……I’m talking about the Korean drama series…..You’re beautiful  It’s a love story, kind of stereotype of a korean-love stories but still I love it…..wonder why??? I wondered too….

Sometimes it got me thinking why do I like to watch love stories….regardless of whether its English, or Bollywood or Japanese or Korean…..Opppsss sorry Malay love movies were not in the list because I just don’t watch or very seldom watch Malay movie…..any type of Malay movie…..I do watch, don’t get me wrong but it is just very seldom……okay come back to the pig-rabbit, come back to why I like love stories…

Hmmmm……it sometimes occurred to me, feeling that am I lack of love?? Yeah, may be….But I guessed, why many girls, women like love stories because we can only experience or imagine that in dramas, movies and not in reality. Sounds pathetic neh….but it’s true, everybody would want a prince charming, receiving gift without you expecting it, watching the stars with your love ones, having a guy singing you a love song, having treated like a princess, having to hear words of love..often…..who on earth would not want that right?

But that is only in drama and movies….it is far from the reality….ohhh okay…..there are a few prince charming…..but there are also many hundred thousand of not-prince and not-charming. So, since it is only in drama and movies, hence, just enjoy it…..don’t worry….love it and enjoy it but don’t put high hope that you will get one of those prince charming…..because they don’t exist….in the reality, men are just not one of that kind….trust me 

In this drama, there is a girl and there are 3 boys, wanting to be her special boyfriend……this is a reality. No wonder it is so difficult for a woman to get a husband…..because a quarter of the men are married, a quarter of them turned themselves into a woman, another quarter die in accident or drugs and as for the balance, the other quarter, wasting their time chasing the same girl. See…..are you with me??? This is so true…..sad but true....

So, if any men ask you, why you love watching love stories, just ignore them. There is no need for an attempt to explain to them, because they just don’t get it…..to all man….no offense okay….the truth is out there  And the truth is ugly…..

AYu….

Biar itu hanya kata hatiku....

2010-10-28T12:10:00.003+08:00

pada suatu hari, sang suami mendapati
air deras keluar dari kelopak mata sang isteri
sang suami lalu bertanya
sang isteri, mengapa menangis……

sang isteri lantas berkata
wahai suamiku, kekasih hatiku
sudah lama aku menangis
sudah hampir kering air mataku
adakah engkau baru tahu?

sang suami keliru…..apa maksudmu?
mengapa tidak kau berkata-kata padaku….

sang isteri tersenyum
duhai suamiku, kekasih hatiku
pernahkah engkau mendengar kata-kataku…

suamiku
benar katamu, aku hanya seorang isteri, seorang wanita
akalku cetek dan aku hanya menurut kata-kata hatiku
aku tak mampu berfikir jauh
dan hatikulah kelemahanku
dan hatiku kini telah sejuk beku
hatiku makin layu kerana tiada lagi kata-kata rindumu
belaian manjamu, kata-kata manis, sayang yang membuai hatiku dulu
hatiku kini kaku……
meski kau tahu suamiku, hatikulah kelemahanku...
namun engkau tidak memanjakan hatiku…
aku rindu
sangat sangat rindu
pada hatiku yang kau belai dulu…..

suami ku
aku tidak mahu terus menunggu

dengan itu suamiku...
lihat....
ini hatiku yang sejuk beku
hari ini....
aku ingin menghempaskan hatiku ini yang dulu kasih padamu
pada batu itu....
lalu berkecailah hatiku itu…..

Justeru itu, suamiku
tiada lagi hatiku padamu
dan aku, wanita yang hanya menurut kata-kata hatiku
ingin buat kali terakhir menurut kata hatiku
aku ingin berlalu
aku ingin pergi jauh darimu....

AYu

Thinking and still thinking......

2010-10-20T10:19:00.003+08:00

I always think that I am doing good things, helping others, trying my best to be a good friend and trying my best to please the nice-good-people around me. I have this thinking that you have nothing to lose if you’re doing good things. However, recently I’ve received feedback telling me that, what I called as a good deed is not a good deed and even worst causing that person a feeling of disappointment….hmmm….as per the Malay saying “rambut sama hitam, hati lain-lain”……

So now I knew that what I think of good things that I’ve done for others is not necessarily good and can be misunderstood. I felt kind of frustrated but I have to admit that it is my fault too.

Rule number 1
You only help those who need your help

Rule number 2
Don’t be busybody and try to help

Rule number 3
Learn from mistake

Okay, I have learnt…..

I thought….well, okay. I am fine and in good condition, after all that had happened….but actually I am not. I am just a normal human being, who felt hurt and still felt hurt until today. I knew in order to do good things is not easy. In order to do welfare jobs is not easy. In order to work, to spend your time on the things that you are still not sure of the results, is not easy. In order to believe what you are doing shall benefit others at the end, is not easy.

All these, got me thinking, am I in the correct position? Am I in the place that I belong to? Am I needed? Should I stay or should I leave?

I thought all this while, I knew why I’m here….I knew why I stick around….I knew that I have good plan, for everyone involved….but why do I still feel bad about myself…why do I still feel that my helps, my skills, is not relevant…..am my thinking is too childish?? Or is this a temporary feeling that will go away as time flies???

I have chosen...give me strength to be strong, to believe that I am in the correct path...to believe that the time that I've spent and still spending here is not a waste...the work that I've done and still doing is not a waste....because I can't wake up in the morning with the plan that I shall be spending another 9 hours getting nothing but just wasting my time, my life....I can't deal with this....I just can't...Am I weird???

Life is short and I need more than just money....

AYu

Emotion-less??

2010-09-16T14:11:00.003+08:00

In my previous company, my boss, did not really like me....for a certain reasons, i assumed.... Thus, the relationship does not goes far other than a boss and a subordinate. But I'm okay with it and can understand why he reacted the way he is. Nevertheless, still I am glad that he is my boss for quite sometime, because I really learnt a lot from him....

But then one day, in a meeting, he came and said

" Ayu should attend the meeting. She's with high persistence and emotion-less, she can deal with them "....

Since we seldom talked, I was kind of surprised to hear that. I took persistence, as a compliment, but for emotion-less, am I.....emotion-less?? Which category does emotion-less goes to? A compliment? Or a criticism?

I reviewed back myself.....and yeah...I seldom got angry and upset these days....with those you-know-who-peoples, that can be really annoying some times or a lot of times.... May be this attitude is called a emotion-less by my boss - the ability to stay cool when dealing with arrogant-annoying-self denials-peoples...

Hence, I believed it is a good thing that I have reached a certain level of maturity in my individual EQ development. I am able to control my emotion...hmmmm sounds good...trust me, it really does sounds good, because when dealing with these kind of peoples, you just felt like turning them into a frog or vaporised them into the thin air....they are really seriously-annoying and I, am able to stay cool....hah.....I wonder how I did that too...

And here is the secret recipe....

Actually, what really happened is that since I have Adibah, my-lovely-special-sick-sindromic-daughter, I have experienced a tough test, a tough emotion test that has really tested me. I am not sure whether I passed the test or not but the test really changed me. Therefore, dealing with those-annoying-peoples was a much lighter test compared to Adibah. Thus, it was easy for me and with that I felt so grateful for have been chosen for the test, for I knew, the test is actually good for me and have made me a much better person today.

So, whenever you are tested, be brave, for He knew, you can tackle the test and you have the capability to deal with it. The tests will eventually, help you to improve yourself, make you a much better person and of course, you shall be closer to Him, Allah saw. So, be tough, stop complaining and make the best with what you've got. And don't forget to look down. If you think your life is difficult, there are many others out there, whom having a much more difficult life than you. So, be grateful...

Coming back to basic, life is about making choices, so why to choose to be sad, when you can be happy :)

AYu

10th Anniversary!!!!

2010-08-26T11:58:00.003+08:00

Today marked the 10th anniversary of my wedding. Hmmmm....10 years...what are the feelings? Happy? Bored? Exhausted? Still in love? You said 10th and then followed by the words aaarghhhhh???

You said 10th and then followed by the remarked...I wondered how I survived these years?? Or 10th and said, those are the lovely, fulfilling years of your life?

As for me, while I’m writing this, I am actually sitting and waiting for my life partner whom I’ve spent the last 10 years with at the Juru R & R area. After 10 years, I’ve noticed that there is one thing that my life partner is good at, keeping me waiting and never changed until today, the 10th anniversary of our wedding.

And the more ironic thing is, even though I am mad of waiting for him, but still, I do wait and when we met, I did not get mad at him but in turn, I felt so grateful that he had safely arrived. Being a long distance couple, waiting has become a part of my life...

After these 10th years, I wondered on how that I have this ability to compromise with him on this since, I am such a punctual person and all these years I’ve grown up with the value of punctuality hence, of course, I don’t like a every-time-not-punctual-person. But what can I say, he is the man that I love, and for him, I shall wait for as long as he wants me to....

That means technically and practically, love is a powerful thing. It is able of turning you upside down, able of changing you to a different type of person, able of making you doing silly things, able of making you, do the things that you’ve never done before...With such powerful ability of love, ones need to be sure that they fall in love with the right, correct, good, non-hazardous, non-toxic type of love. Or else, they have the chance of ruin their life...

As for me, I continued waiting for my husband for the 10th years and shall continue waiting. So, I guessed after 10th years, I am still in love, truly,deeply and madly in love.....

To the man I love,
May this 10th Anniversary, be the new beginning of a matured-increased-faithful-strong-happy love story for us. I love you and will always do....

AYu

Dilema wanita......

2010-08-23T12:47:00.004+08:00

Di waktu rehat, 2 orang sahabat sedang berbual-bual, Nina, seorang account executive, masih single, sedang agresif mencari calon suami dan Lisa, seorang manager, telah berkahwin hampir 8 tahun, dan telah mempunyai 3 orang cahaya mata.

Nina : Lisa, aku rasa hidup aku sudah berakhir…….sampai ke tua pun tak kawen la aku…….(dengan wajah sedih seolah-olah merayu simpati sahabatnya itu….)

Lisa : Naper lak nih? Putus cinta lagi?? Ala, kalau putusnya takpe, engko kan seorang yang positif….hah apa lagi cakaplah…next please….

Nina : Ohhh perli aku yer…senanglah engko perli aku, kutuk-kutuk aku….well, you’re just so damn lucky compared to me…..you have everything……..suami yang baik, anak-anak yang comel, kesayangan ibu mertua…..kat ofis, engko boss pulak, lepas tuh yang paling aku takleh terima, ramai yang mengurat engko sedangkan dorang dah tau engko isteri orang…..Aku ni yang single and available nih, orang tak nampak pun….sedih tau…..(jelas Nina panjang lebar, sambil memuncung-muncungkan bibirnya…dan seolah-olah mahu menangis….)

Lisa, tidak berkata apa-apa, sebaliknya hanya mendiamkan diri dan merenung notebook nyer…..

Nina : Lisa, engko dengar tak nih…..eeiiiiii menci betui aku…..pujuk lah aku….takde saper nak pujuk aku…sedih ni tau…..

Lisa menoleh…..matanya berkaca-kata seolah-olah sedang menahan air mata…..dia lalu berkata dengan perlahan….

Lisa : Nina, engko nampak hidup aku macam bahagia sangat kan…semuanya ada, takde apa yang kurang. Betul kan?

Nina hanya mengangguk dan agak kehairanan dengan riak wajahnya temannya yang berubah serta merta…

Lisa : Engko nampak semua yang baik-baik, yang elok-elok, sebab aku tak cerita kat engko yang buruk, yang menyakitkan hati, yang sayu, aku tak pernah cerita kan…..itu sebab engko tak nampak and think that my life is perfect…..well, Nina, aku pun manusia jugak, aku tak perfect….ada masa aku happy, ada masa aku sedih, dan ada masa aku juga ada masalah…..sume orang macam tuh because no one’s perfect…tapi engko tak perasan sume tuh kan….sebab aku pandai cover, aku kan professional, will never mix work and pleasure.....

Lisa menuturkan kata-kata dengan teratur, sambil tersenyum payau…..dan mulalah dia bercerita….

Lisa : Aku kan tinggal sebumbung dengan ibu mertua, engko tau tak, selalu aku terasa macam terpaksa bersaing dengan mak untuk merebut kasih suamiku. Kalau boleh, mak macam nak buat sume untuk suamiku, dari memasak sampailah ke membasuh baju suamiku, makan pakai suamiku sume mak yang nak uruskan…..rasa macam apalah guna aku sebagai isteri. Tapi kadang-kadang aku pikir balik, bagus jugak kan, tak yang buat apa-apa kerja, boleh aku jadi “mem” besar…..bila aku bertegas sikit nak buat apa-apa, suami aku akan tegur, jangan garang sangat dengan mak, kecil hati aku bila ditegur begitu…padahal aku bertegas tak nak mak buat sebab aku tak nak menyusahkan mak, aku nak mak berehat, sudah-sudahlah mak mengurus rumah masa hari aku bekerja, masa hati aku cuti, biarlah aku yang buat…..tapi siapa yang paham kan…..Lepas tuh, dalam menguruskan hal-hal rumah dan anak-anak selalu jugak aku terasa dengan mak dan kecil hati, seolah-olah dia macam check sume keje aku, macam tak percaya dengan aku….tapi yelah, mungkin aku je yang terasa kan, tapi dia tak berniat macam tuh…

Lisa : Tulah Nina, aku hanya manusia biasa, perempuan pulak tuh, selalu terasa kan, emo lebih (Lisa tersenyum tawar….)

Lisa : Dekat suami aku pun aku tak cerita atau ngadu apa-apa, yelah, kalau ngadu pun, menyusahkan hati suami aku jer kan. Dah lah dia selalu outstation, bila balik pulak, takkan aku nak mengadu kan…lagi pulak aku faham, suami aku tu anak sulung, dan ibunya adalah tiket syurganya….aku paham sume tuh…mungkin bila aku ada anak nanti, aku pun nak jugak anak aku melebihkan aku dari isterinya….

Nina tergamam mendengar luahan hati sahabatnya itu, sungguh dia tidak menyangka, Lisa mampu menyimpan segala-galanya dalam hati……Lisa menyambung lagi….

Lisa : Aku faham Nina, aku paham sangat….tapi kadang-kadang aku nak jugak ada orang yang boleh mendengar aku merintih, mengadu, meluahkan perasaan….tak payah amik apa-apa action pun takpe, cukuplah mendengar dan memujuk aku, bila aku tak boleh meluahkan….aku makan hati….semuanya terbuku di hati….yelah, kalau cerita kat orang pulak macam membuka pekong di dada….

Nina : Tapi aku tengok engko okay je ngan mak mertua, macam best fren…..

Lisa : Nina, memang betul. Mak mertua aku memang okay, Cuma sekali sekala je aku terasa….dan bila aku terasa pun aku tak expect mak mertua aku buat apa-apa sebab mungkin kadang-kadang dia pun terasa dengan aku….so sama-sama lah kan…. aku cuma harap ada yang mendengar je dan ada yang memujuk. Aku sayang mak mertua aku, malah aku lebihkan lagi mak mertua aku dari mak sendiri. Kalau hari raya, mak mertua aku belikan 2 pasang kain, mak sendiri pun sepasang je. Jadi bila aku buat semua nih, aku harap hubby aku akan appreciate dan bukannya asyik salahkan aku je bila aku merajuk ngan mak mertua. Bukan aku tak boleh beralah, tapi salah ke kalau dia pujuk sikit aku nih, manja-manjakan aku sikit….mungkin sebab aku harapkan penghargaan kan…..mungkin salah aku…..aku tak sepatutnya mengharapkan balasan, jadi macam tak ikhlas pulak kan…..padan muka aku….

Lisa merenung Nina yang masih terkejut dan tak dapat mengungkap apa-apa….

Lisa : Tu yang engko nak kawen sangat tuh….engko ingat senang ke. Banyak hati nak dijaga, hati sendiri…..siapalah yang tahu. Aku nih nak balik kampung sendiri, tengok mak ayah aku pun susah. Nak tunggu husband aku ajak balik kampong aku, belum lagi la setakat nih….nak pergi bersuka ria sekejap dengan kawan-kawan pun rasa serba salah dan takut nanti mak metua kata apa pulak…macam-macam Nina…. Dah kawen satu hal, nak mempertahankan perkahwinan tu satu hal lagi, lagi susah rasanyer…

Lisa : Dan bila aku dah menempuh sume ni aku semakin faham kenapa ramai isteri yang tergoda dengan lelaki lain…..bila dah lama berumahtangga, suami dan isteri dah semakin sibuk dengan komitmen masing-masing, dan terlupa nak bercinta, terlupa nak menambat hati pasangan sebab dah kawen lama kan, buat apa nak menambat hati lagi, dah dapat…..jadi bila ada yang lain yang pandai memujuk, bijak berkata-kata, merayu cinta, hati yang sepi dan layu sekian lama pasti kan berputik bunga kan….

Nina : Engko cakap macam pakar rumahtangga kan…..tapi kan Lisa, mungkin lelaki ni kita kena ajar sikit kut, engko kena bagi dia cemburu sket, hah apa lagi layan je lah si Haris yang dah lama menaruh hati dengan engko tuh, sampai sekarang pun tak kawen-kawen lagi….

Lisa : Nina, aku masih waras, masih boleh berfikir, mana satu jalan ke syurga mana satu jalan ke neraka….lelaki mungkin mudah jatuh cinta lagi, tapi wanita selalunya setia, tapi tu lah bila dipujuk rayu lelaki lain dan suami pula buat tak tahu….mungkin goyah jugak lah….

Lisa : Eh…tapi naper nama Haris pulak disebut-sebut nih…Dah….. sebelum engko mengarut lebih jauh, yang penting Nina, moral of the story, memang kita selalu nampak, laman orang lain lebih hijau, lebih cantik dari laman sendiri. Tapi sebenarnye, semua orang ada masalah dan ada cabaran masing-masing….apa yang terjadi, apa yang kita dapat itulah yang terbaik untuk kita. Engko tuh, sementara tak kawen lagi nih, luangkan masa yang banyak tuh dengan mak abah engko, jangan asyik buang masa tak tentu hala. Pastu pergilah join NGO , gi buat kerja-kerja amal, barulah takde asyik datang complaint kat aku pasal putus cinta….InsyaAllah kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana……dan kita kena bersyukur dengan apa yang kita ada…..macam aku nih, kena bersyukur banyak2, sekurang-kurangnya mak mertua aku jauh berganda-ganda lebih baik dari mak si Sabariah dalam Kasim Selamat tu kan, dan suami aku pun baik sangat cuma mungkin tak berapa pandai mengambil hati….engko pun kena bersyukur, ada kawan yang jelita cam aku tau…( Lisa dengan pantas memukul bahu Nina)

Nina : Aduh sakitlah….Yelah…yelah….aku bersyukur nih….Tapi kan Lisa, lepas dengar cite engko nih rasa macam ngeri lah pulak nak kawen…..

Lisa : Tu yang aku malas tuh….lain yang orang suruh ambil iktibar, lain pulak yang dia dapat…dah jom buat kerja….

Ayu

Memories and me and mom

2010-08-13T12:41:00.003+08:00

When I was 10, all I wanted was the Luna pencil colours, 24pcs. I was crying at my mom for the colours when I saw the advertisement in the newspaper. I was crying and making noises, begging my mom to buy that colours. After a day of tears, all I got was a 12pcs colour with no brand, not Luna…. Cap ayam .... I, then, felt so disappointed and hence, continue crying until my father get mad at me.

Till the end, I still, not getting what I want …..At that moment, I don’t really understand on why that simple request is not fulfilled by my parents. It is just a Luna pencil colours, 24pcs. And all my friends in the school are using that Luna colours, not the 24pcs, but the 36pcs. So, I really could not understand….

When I grew bigger, older, a little bit wiser, I started to understand….how difficult our life is, and how tough my mom has to struggle, to give me and my siblings, the best of everything. I started to realize of how easy to request for money but how not easy to earn money. Mom was doing a lot of jobs at the house to earn money, from washing clothes at the neighbors’ house until selling kuih at the nearby stall. There’s a time when it is almost hari raya, and I don’t have baju raya. Once mom got money, just 2 or 3 days before raya, she bought the material and stay up late at night to make me a baju kurung….I was so touched….

And at that time, of course, we don’t have a car. Just a motorcycle that my father uses to go to work everyday. That motorcycle was an old motorcycle. We used that motorcycle to visit Opah too. That is our jalan-jalan, to Opah’s house. There is no such thing as jalan-jalan to supermarket or to watch movie or to McDonalds….….Jalan-jalan means to Opah’s house….Me at the front of the motorcycle and my brother in the middle. And when it’s raining, we are all wet :)

Today, when I saw a family with 2 kids riding a motorcycle, I didn’t blame the parents for putting their child safety at stake because they knew it is dangerous and they would of course buy a car if they can afford it….I can understand that based on my own experience :) but riding the motorcycle is fun especially if you sit in front....banyak angin :)

I grew in a not-so-easy-living-environment, but Alhamdullilah, still growing :) and it feels good knowing that you have grown up and you have learn a lot from life and you have all these memories with you :)

sweet memories (when I often got presents from the schools at the end-of-year- school- concert and when I first ate McDonalds, Hezrin belanja, I was in form 2 may be at that time)

not-so-sweet–memories (when I was walking from the flat to the bus station and then fall down at the back, meaning my face was looking up to the sky, like the turtle turn upside down, because I was running and the bag was so heavy and I was so tiny compared to the school bag :))

sour (when I got beaten by mom with penyapu)

bitter (when I fight with abah….ehmmm that is quite often because I am a trouble maker :))

Thinking of all these, makes me misses mom so much. Even though there are many things that I did not agree with her, she is not like what I want her to be, she is not a really good model, and she love my brother more that me…..but still I love her anyway……

AYu

Nurul Adibah, hampir 6 tahun....

2010-07-27T11:07:00.006+08:00

Bulan September ni, Adibah akan berusia 6 tahun…..hmmm dah semakin besar dah anak daraku yang istimewa nih…..dan itu juga bermakna, sudah 6 tahun aku tidak mengandung. Bila difikirkan, lamanya…….6 tahun…..

Ngeri bila difikirkan…..tapi bukan itu persoalannya….yang sebenarnya adakah aku masih mahu mengandung? Masih mahu melahirkan zuriat untuk suamiku? Memang, aku masih tidak memikirkan soal ini atau lebih tepat lagi masih melarikan diri dari memikirkan tentang hal ini….tapi sampai bila? Adakah aku sudah nekad untuk tidak mengandung lagi? Atau masih tercari-cari, masih menunggu masa yang sesuai untuk mengandung?

Bila aku mengenangkan Adibah, rasanya cukuplah 2 orang anakku…..Adibah sudah hampir 6tahun, sudah seberat 13kg dan masih tidak boleh berjalan. Aku kena mendukung Adibah untuk dimandikan, dan untuk di bawa ke mana-mana. Tapi betul, bersyukur sangat sekurang-kurangnya tidak sukar untuk membawa Adibah ke mana-mana, ada stroller :)

Tetapi apabila memikirkan untuk melahirkan lagi, terus terang aku takut. Aku takut sekiranya aku dikurniakan lagi seorang anak yang sama seperti Adibah atau lebih istimewa lagi. Memang betul, anak seperti Adibah dijanjikan syurga dan itu merupakan saham akhirat yang begitu berharga. Aku yakin akan semua itu....Aku berasa sangat bertuah for being the chosen one…..but still…..

Apa yang paling aku takuti ialah untuk menjadi seorang ibu kepada anak yang sakit, yang perlu menjalani pembedahan, seperti Adibah, yang tubuhnya begitu kecil dan perlu dibedah, dimasukkan ke ICU…..Aku masih lagi dapat melihat tubuh Adibah yang sangat kecil itu, kerana berat yang semakin menyusut, belakang badan Adibah yang dipenuhi wayar yang berselirat dan salah satu wayar tu mengalir darah ke sebuah beg darah tergantung di tepinya……aku masih dapat melihat visual itu….sangat terkesan di hatiku. Adibah kelihatan begitu lemah, kaku, tidak berdaya….Ya Allah, tidak dapat kugambarkan perasaanku tatkala melihat keadaan Adibah ketika itu… perasaan itu sangat menyiksakan…..sangat menakutkan…..dan kerana itulah aku sangat takut untuk melahirkan lagi, aku takut sekiranya aku perlu berdepan dengan situasi ini lagi….sangat takut…..biarpun aku tahu setiap ujian dan dugaan yang menimpa pasti akan disertakan dengan kekuatan untuk menghadapinya….

Aku masih takut untuk mengulangi semuanya....

Memegang tubuh kecil itu yang menangis teresak-esak, ketika wayar yang panjang dimasukkan terus ke perutnya melalui hidung kerana dia tidak dapat menyusu, dan apabila wayar itu dikeluarkan, wayar itu penuh lendir berdarah dan dia menangis lagi…

Melihat tubuh kecil itu sukar bernafas kerana pneumonia dan sukar menyusu kerana jantung yang berlubang…dan apabila dia perlu bernafas dengan bantuan mesin dan wayar itu diletakkan di hidungnya, dia akan menarik-narik wayar itu, of course, tak selesa….

Dan dengan pengalaman ini, aku sangat mengerti perasaan seorang ibu apabila melihat anaknya menanggung kesakitan, seolah-olah bukan sahaja dapat merasai kesakitan itu malah berasa lebih sakit lagi, lebih sedih lagi dan kalau boleh biarlah ibu sahaja yang menanggung segala-galanya…..aku tahu perasaan itu….

Dan sekiranya aku mengandung lagi, siapa yang akan mengangkat Adibah ke sana sini, siapa yang akan memandikan Adibah ketika perutku sarat mengandung, siapa yang akan menjaga Adibah ketika aku masih belum pulih sepenuhnya selepas melahirkan….

Dan semua ini masih bermain-main di kotak fikiranku….dan apabila terdapat persoalan yang tidak dapat dijawab, aku akan segera lari dari memikirkan hal ini dan dengan itu masih memilih untuk tidak mengandung. Tetapi adakah pilihanku ini juga pilihan yang terbaik untuk suamiku dan anak sulungku??

Life is about making choices….but still to decide on what to choose, it is not as easy as ABC....

AYu

The Climb

2010-06-17T13:32:00.002+08:00

I recognized myself as a positive, self-motivated person. In everything that I do, I knew my targets, I knew what I wanted to achieve, I knew which direction to follow, and I am certainly able to visualize the vision. I am able to pick a paradigm, to see through a different angle of view and thus, stay positive. Hold tight to what I believe...

Therefore, with this credibility, it is always wasn’t hard for me to make decision for I knew that life is about making choices. Thus, ones need to be brave to make decision and need to be brave to face the consequences of every decision made. For making that decision is our task, moving through the accomplishment of that decision is our task and the results, leave it to the Authorized...

I have made a big decision that has changed my life and the life of the peoples around me…and with the decision, I have obtained an opportunity. I viewed and accepted the opportunity as a golden opportunity and I am just grateful to have obtained it. I am certain that the opportunity was given to me so that I am able to make full use of the potentials in me for the benefit, for the advantages of the peoples around me, especially for the Malays……Thus, I am so highly motivated to move towards the vision that I had for this new group of peoples that I joined.
At the point of joining this group of peoples, I am so enthusiastic, so energetic, positive....

After a few days, I discovered that I am in such a negative aura environment. It is so negative, that it somehow, neutralized my “positiveness”…… however, being a determine person, supported with the encouragements from my love ones, with the hope from those who relies on me, I stand still, fighting the negative charges, building up my courage and hence, I manage to remove the dark clouds that has avoiding me from clearly see my visions. Therefore, I still manage to climb further……even though I knew the climb was not an easy one, as the mountain is so high and there’s no route, no trail, thus, I have to create the route, the trail….but still I am determine, that the vision can be realized. And so confident that a person can make a different...

After a few months, I found myself exhausted, only at a few meter from the ground, and even worse….my visions blurred….I can’t see the top of the mountain anymore. I don’t know which way to go, I am confuse of the purpose of the climb. I can’t visualize myself being on top of the mountain, and leading the group of people that I care about with me, to the top of the mountain, towards the great accomplishment, the journey of a lifetime. I doubted my credibility, I doubted on my capability, capacity to lead the way, to help the group of people move away from the usual, too comfort, non-beneficial, selfish environment of the ground that they used to be, towards the top of the mountains where the new era begins……am I too confident, that I have forgotten to check on my capability? Forgotten to evaluate on the readiness of my group to transform from a normal non-athletic people to a great climber?

And now, I am down, confuse, almost negative. I doubted whether the vision can be realized…I am finding myself moving around in circles instead of climbing upwards. And I am no longer confident that I am able to unleash all my potentials for the benefit of myself and the peoples around me….What should I do??? I am no longer assured that a person can make a different and that a tiny group of high hope people can give a significant impact to a big organization....

I have a great vision of me and my group achieving great things. And with this vision, I continued the climb, creating the trail, everyday…. But now, if I can no longer see the vision or at least feel it deep in my heart, how am I suppose to reach it, to realize it?

Should I just be like most of them, be normal? Just stay where you are, doing nothing or doing very minimum and at the end of every month, get pay and enjoy. Don’t think of others, don’t think of the nation, be selfish.

I wish I can be like them…..but still I am not sure if I’m happy….I don’t get the idea on how being selfish, just thinking about yourself will make you happy.

Thus, coming back to the basic, life is about making choices…..should I abandoned the great vision that I have for me and for this group and start looking for other opportunity and creating new visions with new environment, new peoples? Or should I stay, move backward 1 step, re-evaluate, redefine the targets, sharpen the saw, renew the method and then continue back the climb and have strong faith that we shall successfully reach the top of the mountain……

Hmmmmm......

Ayu

S.A.D

2010-04-20T15:52:00.002+08:00

Recently, there were many events that make me unhappy, stress, disappointed. I did not cry although I felt hurt, tired, and since I’m such a positive person and always believed that what happened had happened and there’s nothing I can do to change it…..

But until last Friday, I felt like I can’t hold it anymore. I cried and cried for almost half an hour. I blamed myself for all that happened. Although by crying does not help to solve any issue, but it helps because I felt released, satisfied. Then I come back to my senses. And was thinking, why actually I cried? Was it because all that had happened? What had happened were not something that I can’t handle? I’ve been through a lot of much more worst things that this. So, why?

I cried because I felt alone, I felt like there’s nobody that I can share with, to lean to, a shoulder to cry on when I needed it most. I cried because I felt that nobody cares and that I am on my own. There’s nobody saying that it’s okay, move on, don’t worry…….All I needed was a close friend telling me this, to persuade my heart……was I acting childish? Yeah, a bit I guess…..but 1 point lesson is that, when someone you love facing a hard time, or not-so-hard-time, it will be good, comforting, to just be there and listen…..for some times, this is just what we need….

So, I knew why I was crying. It is not wrong to be sad, disappointed. We’re human, so we cry when we sad. We have the right to be angry. But we must know why we’re sad, why we’re angry. We must know the reason of these emotions. And from there we work for the solutions. In order to recover, to continue, to move on, we must come back to the principle.

What had happened can’t be change, even though with tears of blood. What we can change is how we look at it, how we deal with it, how we make the best out of it. How to view the sadness, the disappointments from another perspective, another angle of view? And of course it is not as easy as writing it down, but it is possible, it is something that we can do, if we choose to do it. And as Muslims, we must always come back to the creator………

AYu

CINTA

2010-03-23T11:55:00.000+08:00

Indahnya rasa cinta ini
Indahnya hari-hari bercinta
Indahnya dikelilingi pencinta
Indahnya perasaan cinta dan mencintai

Benarlah kata-kata pujangga
Cinta membutakan pasangan bercinta
Cinta membuatkan hati berbunga-bunga
Cinta memberikan kekuatan untuk melakukan apa jua
Cinta merangsang tingkah laku, merangsang nafsu
Dan kerana cinta jua, orang jadi gila
Huru hara, tidak berpijak di bumi nyata
Khayal, mabuk, gila…….
Dasyatnya cinta……
Dan malanglah insan yang bercinta itu
Jika cinta itu diletakkan bukan pada tempatnya….

Ayu

A gift

2010-03-23T11:53:00.002+08:00

A gift for your love ones…..

Do you like giving gift? Preparing gift for your loves ones?? I love giving and preparing and searching for gift…ohhh I love doing that.

And often we ask ourselves, what gift to give?? Hmmmm…..do we ask first before we buy the gift? For me, I would always like and love a gift that I don’t know what’s inside the box, a surprise. When we open the box, we were so eager, so curious, so excited, to find out what’s inside. And what is really inside the packaging, does not really matter to me, I would love it anyway. Because, what really matter to me is the thought….yeah…it’s the thoughts that count ;)

And since I like it this way…..I would do the same when it’s come to giving gift. I will not ask what gift would you like to have….I will not ask what do you like….because I will give what I like. Whether, that person like it or not, does not really matter to me…because it’s a gift, its free and that anything that anybody give you will always be the right gift. So, learn to appreciate it and stop complaining because it’s a gift and ones should not be putting so high expectation on gift …..because it’s free ;) remember???

However, for couples, sometimes we do expect a certain type of gift from our love ones…..because we have this thinking in our mind that our dear darling should certainly knew what we want and vice versa….so take note….of the hints given by your love ones….here and there….don’t forget of the clues too 

Ayu

Are u one selfish thing on earth?

2010-03-23T11:40:00.002+08:00

In our life, we have experienced many things, met many people, laughed, cried, played, enjoyed, excited……and all sort of feelings. Of course we learnt a lot too…but on the learning part, do we really learn? Do we really pay attention to our environment, to the people around us, to other creatures of god’s creation? Or we are on our own….even though we are surrounded, we live between them but in actual, we are alone. And we are called the selfish species…..we don’t bother about others…..we just care for ourselves…..our very own life, very own car, our families, which not even included our parents, but only our family….

We just don’t bother…..we care very less for the other things, other than us. We care less for our neighbors and suddenly surprised to see many cars parking at our house, and we actually started complaining about all the cars first before asking what’s going on….it’s a funeral at the very next door….Well who cares, life goes on…When we socialize, the most important things to gain from it, is still coming back to us. We don’t really treat friends like friends. We don’t care much about their feelings, we don’t really know what friends are for, we need friends because we feel ashamed to be walking alone, to be eating alone at the cafeteria. After we finished doing the things that may required a friend, we tend to forget the friend. We don’t call, we don’t even bother to meet him/her and we keep finding excuses when the friend asking for help. So, friends no more…because, that friend is now useless to us, it become a liability…..and we don’t want that.

We come back to our tiny group of people and ourselves that we care so much…..other than that, we just don’t bother…..

The most pathetic thing is that we become that selfish person without realizing it…..and still we do not admit it…….So look around……do you live on your own, that only you that matters, or you live with others with love and with each and everyone. And you play that important role of yours with full-hearted, with high sense of responsibility and the same time, voluntarily… with love…of course….so look around, are you happy being you??

Ayu

L.O.V.E

2010-02-06T23:51:00.003+08:00

This is the month of February....and in this month, there's a day for love celebration....hmmmm celebrating love....do we really need a day to celebrate love? It's only a day in the whole year, is it enough to celebrate a big thing like love in a day?

So, I don't really agree of having a day specifically to celebrate love. What I would like to do, to have, is to love and to be in love, everyday, every single minutes....love is a powerful feelings....it can do you good if you channel it to the right direction and vice versa....thus, it can makes you happy and insane too...

Come back to celebrating love...you do not need a specific day to celebrate love, it can be everyday...but what you certainly need is to be able to show your love, to demonstrate, illustrate your love to your loves one. For example, love between a man and a woman. A woman would always like to hear words of love once in a while, to receive gift or simple notes of love. Not that they don't know that their lovers love them, but it is a need, a simple needs that often forgetten by married couples especially, that can give a big, bad consequences. Finding and obtaining true love is difficult, but sustaining and maintaining the love is even a bigger, greater challenge.

Love is like a tree, if you don't water it, no fertilizer put to the soil, no sun, it will die.

As for men, generally all or may be almost 90% of them, does not really think that they need to show love....May be it is beacuse of their nature too, plus the high ego...they were like thinking, hey I married you, I'm here with you everyday, I live with you, isn't that enough to show that I love you?? I gave you so many signs of love, so why can't you read the signs....why it is still a need to be saying
"I love you"....

Well guys, it is just three words, and if you say it fully hearted, honestly....your loves one will certainly appreciate it. Again especially for married couples, don't forget those words, those are the fertilizers...and you if don't or forgotten to express your love to your lady, fearfully, your lady will have the tendency of finding a man that will be saying those words and express of love to her...

But of course, it needs two to tango....

Life is muzukashi neh....

2010-02-06T00:24:00.002+08:00

Often I have so many expectations on my own life. And when things does not goes as per what i planned, I kept thinking of why that I choose to have so many expectations on my life. I kept thinking of why can't I be normal. Be like everyone else. Like normal average people, they looked happier to me...their life looks easy...they looks like they don't have much things to worry about. It is simple and easy and convenient.

But why they look up to me? Why they want to be like me?

I believed it is because other people's lawn always looks greener to us.....but is it really greener at the other side?

We are always not satisfied with our current performance and our current life. Which can be a good thing and also a bad thing? It depends on how we look at it, how we interpret it, how we want it to be? And thus, it comes back to the basic....life is about making choices....and we have to choose accordingly as what we choose must be compatible with our design or else.....malfunction...

What will you do if you hate someone??

2009-12-17T17:01:00.002+08:00

What will you do if you hate someone?? Do you runaway from him/her? You try not to be at the same place with him/her? You avoid using the same route that he does so that you will not bump into him? You, of course try to not to have any conversation with him/her?

But if he is your boss….He is someone that you will have to deal with everyday…he is a family members that you can’t escape whenever there’s a family gathering. And you often feel like you wanna bite him, wanna scream to his face….

If you were in this situation, first you need to check on whether only you alone having these issues with him or he is confirmed to be such a nuisance and a lot of people also having issues with him and you were just his favourite target….this is the number one fact that you need to clear of because it leads to different kind of action.

IT’S ONLY YOU…

So, after you are clear and the answer is, you found that you were the only person that have issues with him. So, next, what you need to do is that, you need to check on yourself first. There are possibilities that it’s you, actually having the problems. It’s something in you that make you hate him or make him hate you. Look deeply, because sometimes we are just not able to see our own wrongdoings that have lead the other person to react in such a negative way towards you. Once you found the error, fix it. End.

If after you look deeply and still you found nothing, the next wise thing to do, is to have a crucial conversation with that person. The idea is that, you would like to stop hating him and stop talking behind his back and stop running away from him, because it is just not healthy to continue hating a person, and it makes you tired and exhausted too. For a crucial conversation, you can start by describing your dissatisfactions on how he treat you that resulted with you, everyday, trying to avoid and running away from him and that now you are tired. So, you would like to solve the issue, improve the relationship and you need feedback from him on the actions that you may be able to take to improve the relationship. And to find ways, to fix the error so that both of you will be able to live in peace and harmony. Once you get the feedbacks and the method, work on it. End.

EVERYBODY HATES HIM

This is easy, stop hating him. The rational is that, he is not even worth to be hate. In fact, you should be pity on him for he has some “screw loose” at his head causing him acting in such a nuisance ways towards everybody. So, how to do it… Whenever, he is trying to act or speak in an annoying manner, what you need to do is to stay in silence, smile and think in your head, that pity him, for he had a “screw loose” in his head, causing him mentally unstable and forgive him for that  With this, you won’t hate him, his words or act will not hurt your feelings, your blood pressure will not increase, and you lose nothing and you’re happy 

However, if you can’t felt sorry for him, try not to be like him. For example, if he shout at you or said harsh words to you, don’t reply him back with the same manner. Because you certainly don’t want to demonstrate that you are also having some “screw loose”, don’t you ;0

Ayu

Tertipu juga aku

2009-12-04T09:22:00.001+08:00

Tertipu juga aku
Walau telah banyak juga ilmu yang aku tahu
Walau beribu batu telah aku pergi memburu
Walau telah banyak guru-guruku memberi ilmu
Namun tertipu juga aku
Kerana aku membenarkan diriku tertipu

Tertipu juga aku
Bukan kerana kebodohanku
Bukan kerana pendeknya akalku
Bukan juga kerana kurangnya pengalamanku
Tetapi aku tertipu kerana itu pilihanku

Tertipu juga aku
Tertawan apabila meneguk manisnya madu
Tenggelam dalam keseronokan palsu
Dan aku jadi kelabu
Dalam menentukan arus hidupku
Lalu arus yang penuh debu, tipu, palsu
Itu jua yang jadi pilihanku
Dan yang terlalu memilukan aku
Kerana aku tahu
Tetapi aku tetap membiarkan diriku tertipu

Poligami??

2009-11-18T11:57:00.003+08:00

Di penghujung zaman ini, wanita semakin ramai. Adakah poligami merupakan jalan penyelesaiannya? Betapa hebatnya Allah SAW…….

Aku sering kali tertanya-tanya, mengapa begitu sukar untuk wanita menerima poligami. Ianya sesuatu yang telah dicipta hukumnya oleh Allah SAW, tetapi mengapa begitu ramai yang menentang, yang sukar menerima, yang telah memberi amaran kepada suami-suami mereka untuk tidak berpoligami malah menyebut tentang poligami pun tidak dibenarkan.

Aku juga seorang wanita. Dan aku juga sering berfikir, sekiranya ujian ini menimpaku, adakah aku boleh menerimanya? Redha dengan pemberian Ilahi? Suatu malam aku telah bermimpi yang suamiku datang bertemu denganku bersama seorang wanita. Suamiku menyatakan hasratnya untuk berkahwin lagi. Melihat suamiku memegang tangan wanita itu telah membuat aku hilang kata-kata dan mengeluarkan air mata. Hancur luluh hatiku hanya kerana melihat suamiku memegang tangan wanita itu. Bagaimana pula nanti sekiranya mereka berkahwin? Aku menangis semahunya dan merasakan dadaku sesak sehingga aku terjaga dalam keadaan masih menangis. Fikirku patutlah, ramai wanita tidak rela dimadu…..

Namun aku berfikir lagi……adakah layak untuk aku tidak membenarkan suamiku berpoligami hanya kerana memenangkan rasa cemburuku? Hanya kerana aku tidak merelakan wanita lain memegang suamiku, bermanja dengan suamiku, berkongsi kasih dengan suamiku?

Aku masih berpijak di bumi nyata. Aku bukan sahaja seorang isteri, ibu, anak, tetapi aku juga seorang teman, seorang sahabat kepada rakan-rakanku. Aku mempunyai ramai teman wanita yang masih tidak mendirikan rumahtangga. Kebanyakan rakan wanitaku ini berkerjaya, sudah memiliki rumah dan kereta sendiri, cuma tiada suami. Mengapa mereka tidak berkahwin? Begitu sukar untuk mencari lelaki bujang yang berkelayakan menjadi suami? Memang benarpun, sudahlah spesies lelaki makin menyusut, yang ada pulak ramai dah masuk pusat serenti dan yang selebihnya memilih untuk jadi mak nyah pula…Maka tidak hairanlah kalau bilangan lelaki bujang yang berkelayakan semakin berkurangan. Menurut teman-temanku lagi, kalau suami orang, ramai yang boleh dibuat calon…dan ramai yang ingin memperisterikan teman-temanku ini terdiri dari suami orang. Namun benar juga, sukar untuk menerima lamaran mereka sekiranya isteri-isteri mereka tidak membenarkan.

Dan lazimnya memang isteri mereka tidak membenarkan dengan alasan bimbang suami mereka tidak dapat berlaku adil dan bimbang hak-hak mereka akan dirampas. Betul juga alasan ini kerana kebanyakan suami yang ingin berpoligami kini, hanya kerana menunaikan tuntutan nafsu, tanggungjawab dan sebagainya diletakkan di senarai terakhir. Maklumlah, bak pepatah orang puteh “Love is blind”. Inilah yang mencemarkan nama poligami. Dan apabila wanita menolak poligami, janganlah hanya wanita yang dipersalahkan.

Bercakap mengenai hak-hak isteri, bagaimana pula hak-hak wanita bujang zaman ini? Adakah kita menafikan hak mereka? Jika mereka ingin mempunyai keluarga sendiri, anak sendiri, ingin memenuhi naluri mereka sebagai seorang manusia, ingin merasakan betapa indahnya mengandungkan anak sendiri………bagaimana? Sekiranya lelaki yang bujang dan berkelayakan telah semakin kurang bilangannya berbanding wanita bujang dan lelaki berkelayakan dan sudah berkahwin pula tidak dibenarkan berkahwin lagi….adakah kita akan menyuruh teman kita yang belum berkahwin, sudah bergelar andartu untuk menerima takdir mereka seadanya yang mereka akan membujang sepanjang hayat? Atau apabila mereka terjerumus ke lembah maksiat kita akan berkata yang itu bukan masalah kita. Memang mudah untuk berkata-kata. Aku pernah mendengar kata-kata seorang teman, kesunyian itu juga satu kemiskinan.

Jika aku meletakkan diri aku di tempat seorang isteri yang akan menghadapi poligami, aku tentu akan bimbang adakah aku mampu untuk menerima seorang wanita lain untuk berkongsi kasih dengan suamiku? Berkongsi katil dengan suamiku? Adakah suamiku akan masih menyayangiku? Adakah suamiku akan masih mengasihi anak-anakku?

Jika aku meletakkan diriku di tempat seorang wanita yang telah mempunyai segala-galanya melainkan suami, aku tentu inginkan belaian kasih sayang seorang suami, aku tentu inginkan sebuah keluarga, aku tentu ingin bergelar seorang ibu. Dan aku tentu berasa sunyi apabila pulang ke rumah yang kosong setelah pulang dari tempat kerja…..

Hanya Allah SAW juga yang lebih mengetahui, setiap sesuatu yang terjadi pasti ada hikmahnya. Setiap sesuatu yang telah Dia tentukan pasti yang terbaik untuk hambaNya.

Sekiranya, tiba masa, suamiku terpilih olehNya untuk menjalankan poligami, aku berharap agar aku akan diberi kekuatan untuk menghadapinya. Aku berharap agar aku akan dapat menyokong suamiku untuk melaksanakan tanggungjawabnya. Aku berharap agar aku akan sentiasa sedar yang cinta nombor satu hanyalah cinta pada Allah SAW. Bukan sahaja untuk menghadapi poligami malah untuk mengharungi setiap saat dalam kehidupan ini. Kerana aku hanyalah hambaNYa yang lemah, hina lagi tidak berdaya.

AYu

Its my birthday!!!

2009-11-17T10:55:00.002+08:00

Today is my birthday! So, today I am going to share on something that I always like to talk about……big dreams.

Do you have big dreams? Or you often have nightmare until you forgot to dream? Or you don’t dare to dream. Dreams are free so you can have the biggest dream, the wildest dream, the mission-impossible-dream and the whatever-you-like dreams, of course anything that you want.

The facts are
1) Dreams are free
2) You can dream of anything you want
3) Nobody can limit your dream other than yourself
4) Like the internet, dream has no limits too

So, knowing all these facts, why are we so afraid to dreams…..are we scared that we may not be able to achieve our dream? Well, another fact is that, if you have big dreams but no action taken to reach the dream, don’t worry…..your dream will remain a dream. It will not come true. If its come true, it is simply because you’re the lucky one. But you have to remember that the percentage of being lucky is very thin. So, chances are, you are not the lucky one, so your dream will remain a dream. This is what the malay saying “angan-angan mat jenin”. Only dreams…..

However, if you have dreams, you actually already on Step 1 of being an enthusiastic, positive, high motivation, brave, successful person. Because you dare to dream. Often when a person has big dreams and they are smart, they shall put a ladder on to achieve that dream. Like what Frankly covey said in 7 habit, habit # 2, begin with the end in mind. You shall have to put what you have in mind (in your dreams into a blue print). Why did he said blue print and not drawing or writing or painting? Its blue print because it must be very detail and precise.

Blue prints are normally used for a plan of a building or a machine. So, it must very details and precise, or else you will never get to build the building or the get the machine to perform its function. So, as dreams. If you did not translated your dreams into a blue print, there are high possibilities that you are still not able to see your dreams clearly, you are not sure of what you really want. Therefore, you will not achieve it. Of course, when the targets are not clear, how are you going to throw the darts?

Okay, so everybody clear? Step 2 is to put the dreams into a blue print. I am also still did not have that blue print ……..and the more pathetic thing is, I kept wondering every day, why my dreams remain dreams…haiya…....

Dreams, hope, will get you to go through life will full of spirit, happier, high motivation, positive. So don’t stop dreaming. But of course la….don’t get lost in your dream until you’re not stepping in the real world.

For my birthday, one of my dreams is that my husband will come to wish me a Happy Birthday, with a good-delicious-birthday cake and the present is a fully-furnished-bungalow with modern style interior design, at a very strategic area….ahahaha…..I love dreaming :)

All the best!! See you at step 3 :)

AYu

Sometimes, we just have to look down...

2009-11-15T01:26:00.002+08:00

When we first knew about Adibah, that she is a special child with a special syndrome that until today is still under investigation and is still unknown, we were blur, speechless....its been a week that both of us were in deep silence.

But then, enough of this silence and blur thing, we need to move on very fast as we need to fix Adibah's heart or she has the chance of dying due to pneumonia. The blood vessel at the heart is with hole and thus blood goes to the lung which then can contaminated the lungs, and she will suffer for pneumonia.

I just can't wait. I wanted the operation to be done soonest possible. I am just too worried that I may lost her and our target at that time, is just to fix the heart and save her...

But still, I guessed we were preety tough, Alhamdullilah for all the strength that He has given us.

However, continuing life with the fact that your child is very different from a normal child, is not something easy. There is one time, an officemate delivered a healthy, normal baby girl. Everyone in the office pay her a visit, but I did not. And it was just because at that time, it just hurt my feelings very much seeing other people having a normal child.

And then the people closest to us also having healthy normal child, came Dania, Danish...all beautiful, healthy normal babies. Not that I wished that they had a child like mine...no its not that...I just hope that Adibah is also as beautiful, normal, healthy like them....and later that I realised, am I still not able to accept the fact that Adibah is a special one? That I had a child with a really rare syndrome that makes her not able to grow at the speed of a normal baby, not able to hear, to see??

It hurts me, because I look up.....when I looked down, I met Gilbert, a ten years old child, feeding through a tube, not able to move anywhere on his own. I met a few friends that to me are much less fortunate than I am. These friends, also have a special child and at the same time, they are poor. They don't have enough money to give their child, his/her special needs.

Hah....I am so grateful.....Adibah may not be able to see, to hear, but she can still smile. She can still move - in her own style. We still have enough money, to buy the best things for her....and with this, am I still not grateful???

And after I had Adibah, I can feel that I am different person. I changed a lot. I appreciate life more, I am so motivated to continue living, doing the best for her and for other child like her. By the way, how can I'd be not motivated when Adibah, a deaf-blind, is so highly-motivated to continue on living even though the world is not for her. She continued learning, even though her learning pace is very very very slow.

So, sometimes, we need to look down and have a very high faith in Allah SAW. For everything that he gave us, are the best.....

Bercintalah berkali-kali!

2009-10-23T09:45:00.002+08:00

Got this article from Majalah Solusi. A good article. Down here is only a portion of the article, to read more, buy the magazinelah....:)

Cinta itu perlu diperbaharui. Perbaharuilah cinta dengan luahan kata-kata yang baik. Jangan membisu, jangan menjadi tuli. Sentiasa jadi lidah yang menuturkan kata-kata yang baik agar ada telinga yang sentiasa terbuka dan sudi mendengarnya.

Bercinta lagi...
Untuk bercinta lagi, luahkanlah kata-kata yang baik untuk mencairkan prasangka, meleburkan curiga dan memadankan dendam. Cari-carilah topik yang menarik untuk diperbualkan. Antara kaedahnya ialah:

1) Berdoa untuk Allah ilhamkan kata-kata yang baik dan menarik semasa memulakan perbualan.
2) Menerima dan berkongsi hobi dengan pasangan.
3) Ulas apa yang anda dengar, lihat atau baca dengan pasangan serta kaitkan dengan situasi terkini dalam rumahtangga.
4) Sekali-sekala masak bersama resipi kesukaannya.
5) Jangan prasangka dan curiga, dan selalu memaafkan, selagi pasangan tidak melanggar syariat.
6) Amalkan peraturan 24 jam. Jangan biarkan "gencatan suara" melebihi 24 jam. Mujahadahlah untuk meminta maaf secara rasmi atau tidak rasmi.
7) Tempoh-tempoh yang dirasakan sukar dalam perhubungan hendaklah diisi dengan amalan habluminnallah seperti solat, munajat dan taubat. Jangan selesaikan masalah dengan satu masalah lain.

Adibah, my darling....

2009-10-20T11:11:00.005+08:00

I am so glad this week as Adibah already fully recovered from her sickness. Often when she is sick, I am sick too. I am always over worried on her. I am worried that she''ll be sick and we have to stay at the hospital and she'll be gone, leaving me forever. May be it sounded like paranoid but I can still hear a pediatrician said that may be she won't live long. I can still hear the words. So, when she is sick I always blame myself for not being able to avoid her from being sick....I always do.....

Yes, she's a special child and even if she's gone, I have nothing to loose, isn'it? It will be better as I do not have to take care of her, do not have to go through all the hassle of raising her....

But still I couldn't imagine being without her. A day without kissing her, already a pain in the heart. What if not seeing her forever?? Even though she is like that, she is not normal, she is deaf blind, she can't walk and you have to carry her around, she cried out loud until you touch her, she always bite your finges, she won't eat the medicine, she make noises in public and everyone will look at you with that "sympathy look"....but still, I love her....I guessed, all mothers will have the same feelings when it comes to their children. If given option, all mothers will not want to loose their children.

But still it is not ours to decide. I do hope that when the day comes, Allah saw will give me strength to accept it, to deal with it. For He has given me and my family, all the strength to have Adibah, He has given all the happiness, even though we have Adibah. Or if I'll be leaving the world for eternity, I do not have to worry about Adibah as Allah saw will surely decide and determine what is best for her and for me.

But Adibah is a zero-sin person and she will go straight to heaven. Hmmmm I should worried about myself, will I be even close to the paradise...ooh ooowww.....

AYu

Cinta Setangkai Ranting dan Sebatang Pohon

2009-10-08T16:11:00.003+08:00

Found this from a friend's book, Anis Tasnim. I love the article.

Cinta Setangkai Ranting dan Sebatang Pokok

Suatu ketika Plato berbicara dengan gurunya. Plato bertanyakan makna cinta dan gurunya pun menjawab: "Masuklah ke dalam hutan, pilih dan ambillah satu batang ranting yang menurutmu paling baik, tetapi engkau haruslah berjalan ke depan dan janganlah kembali ke belakang. Pada saat kau sudah memutuskan pilihanmu, keluarlah dari hutan dengan ranting tersebut."

Maka masuklah Plato ke dalam hutan dan keuarlah Plato tanpa membawa sebarang ranting pun. Gurunya bertanya, maka jawab Plato: "Saya sebenarnya sudah menemukan ranting yang bagus, tetapi saya berfikir barangkali di depan saya ada ranting yang lebih baik. Tetapi setelah saya berjalan ke depan, ternyata ranting yang sudah saya tinggalkan tadilah yang terbaik. Maka saya keluar hutan tanpa membawa apa-apa.

Guru itu lalu berkata: "Itulah cinta." Lalu Plato pun bertanya apa makna perkahwinan. Guru pun menjawab: "Sama seperti ranting tadi, namun kali ini engkau haruslah membawa satu phon yang engkau fikir paling baik dan bawalah keluar dari hutan." Maka masuklah Plato ke dalam hutan dan keluarlah Plato dengan membawa pohon yang tidak terlalu tinggi juga tidak terlalu indah.

Gurunya pun bertanya, maka jawab Plato: "Saya dapati pohon yang indah daunnya, besar batangnya. Tetapi saya tak dapat memotongnya dan pastilah saya tak mampu membawanya keluar dari hutan. Akhirnya saya tinggalkan. Kemudian saya temukan pohon yang tidak terlalu buruk, tidak terlalu tinggi dan saya fikir mampu membawanya kerana mungkin saya tidak akan menemukan pohon seperti ini di depan sana.

"Akhirnya saya pilih pohon ini kerana saya yakin boleh merawatnya dna menjadikannya indah." Lalu sang guru berkata: "Itulah makna perkahwinan. Begitu banyak pilihan di depan kitaseperti pohon-pohon berserta rantingnya di dalam hutan, tapi kita mesti menentukan satu pilihan dan bila terlalu memilih, tidak satu pun akan kita dapati."

Kerana, kesempatan itu hanya datang sekali dan kita harus terus maju seperti waktu yang bergerak ke depan yang tidak pernah tersimpan pada hari kelmarin dan bersemayam pada masa lalu kita. - PUTRI

My new career

2009-09-10T21:48:00.002+08:00

I've quit job, after almost 9 years and joined another company (for less than 2 month) and then quit again and now I am a full time housewife. The "full time" is really full. One thing I didn't know about this job is that it is a 24 hours job, 7 days a week, no annual leave, no emergency leave. Not that I did not realise it before this, but never thought that I'll be so busy and even more difficult to find time for myself. Hmmm....

For the first few month, I'm in this new career, I was so busy searching for other job because I was worried of that money matters. And to make it worst, everyone that I've meet told me that I should work and that a housewife title seems does not fit me well. And I believed what they said. I believed that I should not become a full time housewife. I'm a woman with high education, I'm doing good in my career, so how do I end up a home maker? A full time housewife? I really cannot tahan that almost everyone that I've met looked down on me and my new career. Or may be its me myself that looked down on me. No one can looked down on you, make you feel bad without your permission. So, I permitted them to make feel bad.

This new career is what I'm looking for all these years, but why am I not happy? Because I am worried about that money matters again. But I should be happy, this is my dream. I want to take care of my kids, I want to do everything with them, I want to be with them. And of course for Adibah, my special one. She needs me, very much.

Today I pick up Afiq from school. Once he entered the car, he looked back to Adibah. Kiss here and kiss her and kiss her. Yeah, I finally realise that Afiq is now closer to Adibah. He hugged her, played with her. So, as Adibah. She loved gomoi her abang. She giggles, loughes a lot when they played together. Before this, Afiq seldom got chance to play with her sister. Why? Because once I left home to office, Adibah will be gone too. I'll send her to the babysitter. I reached home at night and so as Adibah.

Looking at Afiq kissing Adibah, playing with her, listening to their lough, what else would I want?I am so happy. And if this new career can give me "these happiness", that money would not be able to buy, so be it.

I am glad and I have no regrets.

Ayu

Aug... already?

2009-08-06T23:05:00.002+08:00

Its already Aug 2009. And Ramadhan is just around the corner. And again what have i done this year?? Its already Aug....still thinking and I think that I have wasted a lot of time on thinking what to do. Why am I taking so long to figure what to do...

Ehmmmm ilham tak mai lagi nih. Baik pi solat lah.....

To be continue...

Ayu

Arghhhh

2009-05-19T01:40:00.002+08:00

It's already almost mid year of 2009. Hmm...where am I? What have I've done this year? There are a lot of changes with my life recently, so many changes until I think I can't adopt, can't manage these changes.

I wanted to change. But sometimes I just don't know where to start, how to start. Do a lot thinking and finally, I've decided and I'll let Him decide, what is best for me. Often you think, that you knew best what you want. And you step into it. And then you asked yourself again, is this really what you want?

And life is about making choices, but why are we so afraid to choose?

Regards,
Rahayu

Adibah

2009-03-13T06:07:00.003+08:00

Setiap kali menatap wajahmu
Aku sayu
Aku gembira
Aku sayang padamu
Engkaulah kurniaan Tuhan yang terbaik untukku

Namun maafkan aku
kerana aku juga hanya manusia biasa
yang seringkali leka dan alpa

Tatkala dugaan melanda
Aku takut kehilanganmu
Aku tak mampu melihat kesakitanmu
Dan tika itu aku seringkali berharap
agar aku mampu mengundur waktu
mampu mengubah takdir

Namun akhirnya aku tersedar
Aku hanya hambaNya
dan kamu amanahNya untukku
yang teristimewa......

AYu

Sorry, not coming today??

2009-03-13T06:04:00.001+08:00

Have you been a boss or you are a boss now? What are kind of boss are you? Well I have no intention to bring this further to the leadership things like whether you falls under the leaders category, or the dictator or just a superior and that sort of things....no ...not talking about that?

I would just like to talk about being a human boss...Or do you have this human element when you lead your role as a boss or you turn into a beast or monster when you become a boss or you are the understanding ones? Of course with or without you realising it...

I have been to that role to, a boss and a subordinate. When you received calls like, “Sorry can’t make it today, because my child is sick” or “My child is hospitalized so I would like to take a few days more to take care of the child”. And at that time, you have so many tasks to complete and deadlines are killing and these peoples are not coming.

Arghhh..... Have you been there? What is your response? Are these your response “Sorry you can’t take leave, if you didn’t come, you will get warning letter for absent from work without superior approval” or you just shout “Kalau tak datang berhenti je terus. Orang lain pun ada anak jugak takdela asyik ambil cuti je”..... Do you give such response?

I ‘m not going to elaborate further on how you should cope on your job with less resources but I would like to suggest that you accept the reasons, that you work in a high trust environment and that you trust your subordinate with that reasons. However, you can always ask your subordinate for evidence from the hospitals.

Because family are just too important to be ignore or to be put less priority compared to your job. Yes, you need money to feed your loves ones, but will it give any value if you lost them while searching for that money? Will it be worth it? So, if you were a boss, you better think twice before asking your subordinate to leave his/her sick child and come to work. Because if something bad happen.....do you want to be responsible? Can you live with that feeling of guilty? For me, I don’t want to.

Or may be you don’t feel anything, if something bad happen, well that’s fate so why blame you or why you should feel guilty. Well, if this is the case, let’s try this one. Imagine that you’re dying. Will you prefer to die alone and not having the chance to say goodbye or sorry to your love ones? And just waiting for your dying moment without anybody to talk to and just crying in pain alone? Or you prefer to be with your loves ones, to spend more time with them, to let them know how much you love and appreciate them? Which one?? Answer people??

And if were a subordinate, an employee, and you were in this difficult situation, struggling between work and attending a sick child or parents, if you have to choose.... Choose your loves one. Because your loves one has no replacement. And trust me, when you’re sick there is nothing else that you want more other than being with your loves one.

By the way, nobody ask or would want to a have a sick family members, isn’t?

Well, bosses, subordinates, employees, life is about making choices....
To choose may not be easy, so learn, think with heart and mind and don’t lost that common sense when you that make that choice :)

AYu

2009-03-13T06:01:00.000+08:00

Big changes

2009-03-13T05:49:00.002+08:00

I've been very busy lately and thus have abandoned this blog. And there are so many changes lately too. I have made the decision to quit my job and move....Well, until today, I still can't believed that I've made such decision. I couldn't believe that I've chosen these changes. I am a one person that are so scared of facing changes and now today here I am. And I have made that decision in a very short time frame. Thank you Allah saw for given me the strength and courage to find changes after so many years.

But has usual, as a mother, these changes affected my family too. I felt sorry for Afiq for he has to change school and has to start all over again with new friends, new school. But he is a tough one, my darling sweet heart.

Now for already 1month plus, I've been a full time housewife. My goodness, housewife is actually a very busy job. There are so many things to do. Luckily, my mom stayed with me and help with the house work or else.....

Now, we have to figure out on how to continue living in this new place in Selangor.....changes needs sacrifices...hah there are so many things to think about.

Till then. Let me do the thinking first.

Ayu

Raya photos - Oct 2008

2008-11-26T23:48:00.002+08:00

Writing a book

2008-11-26T23:43:00.002+08:00

I was thinking of writing a book. A novel :-) I have so many thoughts of what I actually like to do and how shall I use this likeness and turn it to something that I can do everyday, meaning like a career, which to me means, do things and get paid for it.

Anyway, still thinking and although I seldom write I believed that I am good at it, isn't ironic? Why do I have this thoughts? But anyway, I'm writing again, after many many years...hehehe...will it come true....

Old photos....

2008-08-06T13:00:00.006+08:00

A photo taken during Rohani's wedding at Penang, can't remember what year. But I think many years already because Afiq already grown up, so as Adibah. See, Adibah busy sleeping.

Photo of Kak Long, Nabila, Amira and Afiq. Taken during last 2 years raya. They already grown up by now. Missed them....

The photo of my heart :) Getting bigger and bigger everyday and often asked a lot of questions, as usual....children nowadays....

Really like this photo because of Afiq's smile. Me however, close eyes, as usual, can't adapt to the flash :)

Ayu

The Carnival

2008-08-04T22:30:00.005+08:00

On last Saturday, 2nd Aug, we went to The Carnival Sg Petani. We heard people said that the place was cool, same like sunway lagoon. Okay, so we went there. My goodness, I strongly think that the person whose giving this statement, has never ever been to Sunway Lagoon. Sunway Lagoon and The Carnival is very far different. Alamak, camner orang tu leh buat such comparison. Totally don't understand. Anyway, Afiq and Haiqal are having so much fun....at least these 2 guy are having much fun :)

Ayu

Don't loose that excitement!!

2008-07-28T12:48:00.002+08:00

Why are our days when we are a children is never bored? Yeah yeah there are days during our childhood are boring days. But not so many isn'it kan? Hmmmmm

To me, as an so-called-adults, we see things differently from when we are children. Children thinking was quite relax, they don't think much and go through life with so many things to do, without caring much on whether they should do the thing or not. Especially, small little children, toddler. They tried everything, wanting to touch everything.. but yelah, small children maaa ....don't know yet to think what is right and what is wrong.

But look at the excitement, they are excited when they get new thing. Excited when they meet their friends. As we grew older, I think, we that we think a lot. Well, yes, you should do the thinking before we do something, especially something serious, but then when we think too much, which is sometimes, not necessary, we tend to move backward instead of forward. We were so scare to face the consequences of might that will happen after we make the decision. We're loosing that bravery to try new things once we grew older.

And when we stop trying, the next thing that we will loose is the excitement in life. Yelah, when you did not do new things or did not act differently or changes things, and everyday is the same day, then of course there is no excitement. Of course getting excited everyday also is not something healthy for adults. But once in a while, is necessary or your life will be dead boring.

And not only you're life is boring, the next worst thing that will happen is that you tend to do something unhealthy. For example, for married man, they tend to find new girl friend and start flirting. For singles, they tend to get involved with the wrong people. Something like that.

So, before, you go wild without direction and becoming something that you don't want to, better you go wild with direction. Create excitement in your life, try new things like upgrading your skills, learn something new that will make you a better person and my goodness, there are so many things to trya and to do. So, don't think too much and created that excitement but of course lah people, don't go over the boundry lah.....

Love,
Ayu

So unlucky of me.......

2008-07-23T07:24:00.003+08:00

I blew out an job interview opportunity today. I don't know why. But I felt that I'm sick attending interview and at the end no good results come out. So, due to my frustration, I refused to attend interview with so many reasons. And there goes an opportunity.........

However, I still want some changes, new job, meeting new peoples, learning new things but may be this wanting is not so high. The other site of me, do not want any changes, too afraid to face the excitement and very comfortable with current condition.

And also actually, I just don't know what to do with my life....I don't know what I like to do and where should I begin. Or is there any turn over point after this 8 years stuck in my current company. Ohhh I just don't know, where should I start.....and how to start actually!!

Ayu

What do you really like to do?

2008-07-10T12:50:00.003+08:00

What do you really like to do?

I keep thinking about this. Well yes, I have the answer. I really like to eat. I like to eat different kind of food, eating at different type of places. Despite that, I do not have problem eating eventough I am not hungry. Whatever lalu I will sapu, of courselah halal food.

So if I like to eat does it mean that I should change career, involve in the food industry? Ehmmm yeah why not.

John Ruskin said, When love and skill work together, expect a materpiece. So, for my case, I like to eat but do not have the relevant skills. Love is already there but skill is still nowhere to be found. I am not even a good cook. Don't even mentioned about the so-delicious-look-like dishes that Chef Wan made but simple food for my family to eat also, I am still below very far below average....

So what is the point here.... If you knew what you like to do, then do it, go for it, find the skills and make it work for you, meaning can make money loh... or in simple term, can cari makan loh. So that you do not so suffer doing your job everyday, because you like it. Am I suffering now??? Oppss......

T

2008-05-14T12:51:00.004+08:00

Today is Wednesday. Tomorrow will be Thursday and after tomorrow will be Friday and yes.....the weekend. And this weekend it quite long too becuase Monday is a public holiday.

Wow....I have a long weekend to look forward too...What to do neh?

1) Sleeping

2) Eating

3) Movies

4) Or simply vege out and do nothing....

Well, where is the not-wasting-time-and-beneficial-things-to-do list? I should be reading the 8th Habit book but I am so lazy...suddently I realized that I have loss my interest in readings. I do very less reading these days.

And that is not good....Reading is always good but of course still depend on what you read. But folks don't forget to read beneficial things. I still remember....reading is the food for brain...

So happy reading!

Note: Adibah no need to ready anymore because she's cute and she will go straight to heaven :-)

Ayu

Imagination + Day dream = Excitement

2008-05-08T05:17:00.002+08:00

When I was a little girl, I like to have this day dream thing. Imagine that I can fly and then flew away from the bus that I'm on to school or hoping that some sort of alien or prince may come and rescue me from the bus and the school. Not that I hate school but I totally did not support the routine things that I have to do in 5 days a week and that is school. Well, life need to be more than that......and that is what I amagine.....

The sad part of this imagination is that, it still continue until now and none of it has become a reality. But now, since the scenario has change, now that I wish something would occured at my work place resulting with that I do not have to go to work. Or something different take place, for example like I received a bouquet of flowers from either my hubby or even good from a secret admirer. Or there's new guy at the work place who looks like Keanu Reeves....well something like that. As for the reality, it never come true, even getting a flower + chocolate from my dearest husband also did not come true. And of course the Keanu Reeves things did not come true also....

The thing is, this is so childish...I'm a mother of 2 now and still my imgination did not grow further. Still hoping for silly things or wishing for something that I knew will not come true. But that is actually the best part of it, it does not come true. I can wish for the whole world and it does not come true. Well, who cares?? I did not care if it does not come true either. But I still like to continue with this stupid/silly imagination especially when I'm bored. It will make me smile alone and light up my day :-) and nobody knows about it...shhhhhhh......

And whenever I felt sleepy at my workplace, I will imagine myself eating at a fancy restaurant and the food was so delicious.....it really helps because I have passion in food too ;-)

Ayu

How many years have still??

2008-05-01T23:16:00.004+08:00

Continue....

In other words, when you are so use to your company, it is kind of difficult to turn into a different environment, to new challenges, new people as you are already blend in to your current things.

I believed this is what happened to me and that is why I'm still here...in a more true words, too scared to move forward, seek for new challenges. Eventhough I stayed in only 1 company, I strongly believed that job hoping is a good thing to do, and very good for career development.

And that is also why my career development is not so good compared to those who job hop.

But still regardless of what it is, meaning why you stay in 1 company only, why you did not job hop and isn't boring to have to stay and see the same faces everyday, regardless of all this, you are still the one responsible for your life. You the boss and you decide what is best for you.

I've decided that my family will be in my number 1 priority. And that the only thing I can do to support my priority is to quit my current job and do not change job if the new job couldn't fit to my first priority. As I am not financeally (wrong spelling) capable now to quit job, thus, even if I am so dead boring now at my current workplace, the next best thing to do is to find a job that is better in term of everything from my current company, which is now still no where to be found. So still here.

If you are in the same boat, what is the next best thing to do?? There are 2 things to do..

(1) find a method to allow you to get the same amount of money and at the same time able to stay at home and become a real mother
(2) since you still can't quit job and being boring is no fun either, choose to perform well, to turn boring to exciting....

Trust me...life is jut about making choices and mathematics, You still have to calculate the risk.

Good Luck!!

How many years have you work at the same work place?

2008-04-17T12:51:00.002+08:00

When I first join the company that I worked now, I keep thinking.... How does it felt like when you already worked in the same company for 10 years, because I met a few friends that worked in the same company for 10, 20 years. Gosh...don't they felt bored? I really wonder...

Now I have the anwer. I have been working for this company for 8 years and I still couldn't believed it. It reaching 10 years soon. I still couldn't believed. Emmmm, I actually managed to see the same thing, same people, same environment for 8 years already. And soon 10 years. How did I did that? How did I sustained? Wow....too good to be true.

Then, the answer, based on my own experience, why people stay is because;
family - if you changed job, different country may be, so you would have to move and not only you, as for my case, the whole family has to move. Hassle, trouble. So, next you would think of a company that is beside the current company, or at the same location - so that nothing would have to change other than you. Family not affected.

To be continue...

Hehehe... I am surprised.

2007-12-26T13:21:00.000+08:00

Dear Ezwa,

Hihihi...I'm writing this for you. I just found out that you leave a comment to wish me Selamat Hari Raya....Thank you very much. Really appreciated it walaupun lambat baru nampak that comment.

I am surprised because I actually don't expect anybody to masuk this blog since there's nothing much to see here and I am writing for my ownself...seronok sendiri.

Tapi bila ada orang leave comment alah...rasa segan ler pulak.....

Anyway, Ezwa...thanks. I really spent really less time to write for this blog or others blog. What to do...always busy with I also don't know what things...okay, let me figure out that portion yer :-)

AYu

Being sick

2007-12-26T13:08:00.000+08:00

2 minggu lepas, I've been very sick. First got flu, cough. Then got fever and then gastric. Well, when gastric come in place, I've become so sick. Nak makan langsung tak boleh dan bila makan muntah....and when you cannot eat...then no life man...

It makes me realize of how important health is.....at the point when He took back your desire to eat, took back your health, then you'll knew of how precious a simple thing called health and a simple thing called appetite....

Since dah rasa sakit for almost 2 weeks and now still have that flu,I will certainly very much appreciate my health and try my best to take care of it.

The last time when I fall sick is somewhere in 1998. Wow....I certainly have good health and very seldom fall sick...ini sume rezeki tapi sekali dapat sakit...mak ooooi .....rasa cam nak mati dah. I just can't imagine how are those peoples yang suffer for more chronic punyer penyakit, get to continue their life..They must be very strong. As for me, kena sakit sket dah meraung cam nak mati, lum kena sakit yang lebih serious, mintak dijauhkan.

Anyway, setiap ujian tuh kalu dah memang jatuh kat kita pastilah ujian tuh yang memang boleh kita dihadapi. Need to believe that.

And for every single thing that you get, learn to be grateful. Every single thing is a blessings and don't be too late to bersyukur with all this blessings until the day when you don't have it anymore...

Ayu

Grow up? Up and Up?

2007-11-27T13:02:00.000+08:00

Friends,
Have you reached that age, having 3 as the front number of your age? The situation is, the front number of the age will be bigger and fun front number of 2 will soon be over…..have you realized what else could be more fun than the twenties age?? Yeah yeah yeah grow up…

So, be professional in life? For those who has reached 30, hmmmm let’s give it a 2 second thought….

1) What is the most significant thing that you’ve done to your life in this lovely 30 years?
2) What is the most valuable contribution that you’ve done to your family, your religion, society and to earth?
3) Have you met your goals and objective in life?
4) Are you satisfied with who you are now?

If you answer no to most of the questions, let’s start over and make this coming years a fantastic years of your life before you regret.

If you answer yes to most of the questions, Congratulations!! However, since success is a journey and not a destination, let’s create more success in the next coming years J

Why can't I?
G.I. Joe moved to MexicoHe's hiding from the IRS
Wearing diamond rings and livin' like a king
At an undisclosed address
Superman flew to Japan
Gave up fightin' crime
He's doin' commercials for compact cars
Livin' in a big high rise
Everybody's gotta grow up sometime
To get a little slice of that big ol' American pie
Yeah, everybody's gotta grow up sometime

Why can't I?
The ol' Lone Ranger bought an RV park
Somewhere in ArizonaAnd Tonto built a big casino
And owns half of Oklahoma
Barbie and Ken, they got a divorce
I guess that's the way it goes
She got the house and the accessories
And told Ken to hit the road
Everybody's gotta grow up sometime
To get a little slice of that big ol' American pie
Yeah, everybody's gotta grow up sometime

Why can't I?
All of my heroes abandoned their egos
And left me at home on the range
I'm still stuck and I'm still down on my luck
Waitin' for something to change
Everybody's gotta grow up sometimeT
o get a little slice of that big ol' American pie
Yeah, everybody's gotta grow up sometime

Why can't I?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<<>>

Regards,
Rahayu

New notebook

2007-10-07T22:07:00.000+08:00

I am writing today using my own notebook....wahhhh really happy :-) Got to go to bed.

Do you often feel envy?

2007-09-21T13:07:00.000+08:00

Do you often feel envy? Yes I am!

At my work place, there's a guy, young, good looking, good body and born in a rich family. Emmm I was thinking to myself, how does it feel to be like this people? You're attractive, smart and rich and of course, you drive sports car. Will all these qualities, I think he can get any girl that he wants. So, I think the sun must be always shining, the skies must be always bright for this kind of person. I am envy L

But it is not that I am not grateful being myself and what I have but things must be really good and easy for these kind of people and that is why I am envy. For examples, when you attend an interview, if you’re good looking and with brain of course, certainly you will stood up among other candidates. It’s natural, everybody loves to see good things maa… but if you’re not good looking then you will have to really convince the interviewer or else you can beat the one with looks. This is what I think…But then yeahhh many people said that looks is not the only factor to be consider. I agreed, but then still having good looks is the advantages.

But anyway, I am envy of course, because I am not in the category of those having good looks….and I always wonder how it feels to be one them…ehmmm must be good neh…

Yelah…but that does not mean that I’ll go for plastic surgery :-/ and always remember, despite of having good looks, there are so many other things out there that could become your advantages, that could make you shine from others. So, if you don’t have the look, try and search for other qualities that will be your strength and focus on that strength!! I am still searching for my strength…no wonder I am so envy lohh…

Regards,

Rahayu

FW: [warga_kilang] Motivation - Three Ways to Motivate in the Face of Disaster

2007-08-14T08:15:00.000+08:00

Another one J

Regards,

Rahayu

Subject: [warga_kilang] Motivation - Three Ways to Motivate in the Face of Disaster

Motivation - Three Ways to Motivate in the Face of Disaster

There are times in life when you will be staring disaster right in the eye. These are the times to either run away and tuck your head under a rock or use your situation as a motivational tool. When you are working with a group of people, it is even more important for someone to step up when struck with a disaster and motivate the group to go on. This may occur in your workplace or even in your family life. The motivator role is one that can be filled by different people at different times. If you are overdue to take on the role, consider learning these three ways to motivate in the face of disaster, just in case the opportunity presents itself. You will be ready to be the group motivator when you learn what to do beforehand.

Be Confident

The most important thing you
can do during a disaster to motivate people is to present yourself in a confident manner. If you are at work and your team is about to lose a major deal for the company, just remain confident that everything will get done in time. With you putting off that confident vibe, your other team members will be able to stress less and get more productive. When they are working without the stress they will be able to accomplish more and you will likely meet that deadline. If you stress out yourself, everyone will waste time worrying and not working.

If you are at home and have a natural weather disaster or a family crisis, you will need to motivate your family just as you motivate your co-workers. Your family will need someone to be confident that no matter what happens, everything will work out. If a fire damages your home, be confident that you will find another place to stay while the home is repaired. If you are faced with a family death, show how confident you are that healing will begin and everyone will be able to deal with the death eventually. When disaster hits at home, it can be difficult to stay confident. Even if you are not confident, just pretend to be so your family will be motivated to move on and heal.

Lead by Example

A great way to show people that motivation can help a situation that could be disastrous is to lead by example. Show co-workers that even if you are having a work disaster that you will continue to do the best job you can. By voicing what needs to be done and by actually doing it yourself, you will be able to motivate them to do the same. When a team is lead by example they are strong and more productive. The same can be done at home. If your spouse has lost their job and you need to cut back on unnecessary spending, show your family you are dedicated to the task by not taking your weekly manicure.

Turn Up the Positive Attitude

It is proven that people can be motivated when influenced by a positive attitude. Ignoring the potential disaster is not a great idea. You can discuss it and be clear about what could happen if necessary. However, after the discussion, you should put it aside and get on with life in a positive way. Talk with positive dialogue and smile a lot. By showing that despite everything you will be positive, you will in turn influence those around you to be positive as well. When you have a positive attitude you will accomplish more than others with a less than positive attitude. Be sure not to overdo the positive attitude to the point where people dont take you seriously however. Practice adding just enough of a positive outlook to your normal attitude.

Use these three things when you are staring at disaster and want to motivate those around you. You might be surprised to know that while you are trying to motivate those around you, you will be motivated yourself. Concentrate on these three tips and remember to apply them in difficult situations. Remember that there will still be people who need to worry or grieve in order to get through situations. But, there will also be many people who are motivated by your confidence, leadership, and positive attitude.

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FW: [warga_kilang] Motivation - Keep Your Eyes on a Goal to Stay Motivated

2007-08-14T08:14:00.000+08:00

A good article on motivation I get from a yahoogroup.

Regards,

Rahayu

Subject: [warga_kilang] Motivation - Keep Your Eyes on a Goal to Stay Motivated

Motivation - Keep Your Eyes on a Goal to Stay Motivated

What will keep you motivated toward your goal? The answer, keep your eyes on it. Never lose site of what you are working toward. Look at the picture and the reward you will reap when you finally reach your goal. Goals seem so far in the future and so hard to reach unless you break them down into small steps that allow you to track your progress.

Action creates motivation, so if you want to stay motivated, stay actively working on that goal. The more you work on it, the more motivated it keeps you. In addition, remember, there is an attractive prize at the end, whether its weight loss, better health or a project you want to accomplish.

Setting goals in small steps can keep you motivated to continue toward the big project. Make the goals so they can be charted and you

can watch the progress of what youre working toward. Make concrete goals that are measurable. If youre writing a book, set a goal to complete a chapter a week, or a day if you have the time to do it. Set a goal for the month such as I want to write 15 chapters this month. At the end of the month, you can look at your manuscript and see if you made your goal. If you did, make it a little higher for the next month. Stretch yourself but be practical. If the coming month has two holidays, three birthdays and two public appearances, then cut back on the goal so you can reach it. If your goals are set too high, it can be frustrating if you are not reaching them and you are more likely to give up. They also shouldnt be too easy, a challenge will keep you motivated to keep typing away on those pages with the end of the book in mind.

Are you having fun while working toward your goal? We need a break from a project, even if its something we want with all our heart. If you are working on a weight loss and exercise goal, vary what youre doing. If you always use a stationary bike each day, why not change the routine and map out a mile or two to walk in your neighborhood. They say variety is the spice of life and it can keep your motivation going if you change your timetable around a little bit. Are you used to studying or writing in the evening? Try waking up early in the morning and spending quiet time before the busyness of the day takes over.

Involve your friends and family in your project. You are more likely to stay motivated if you have told someone what your goals are. If you are exercising or walking, find a partner. It will make it much more probable that you will continue to walk at a specified time and go to the gym. If you fail to show up, your partner will motivate you to come the next time. You are held accountable to someone else. If you are working alone, if you decide to not exercise or not write, you will only have yourself to shake things up and give you the push you need to get started again.

Dont let discouragement take your eyes off the final goal. Sure, if were dieting there are going to be times when we fall off the eating plan. Instead of getting mad or discouraged, simply accept it as something that happens to everyone and go on to the next day. Dont get down on yourself or feel guilty or ashamed. Enjoy that dessert and remind yourself of the bigger goal of being in the perfect bathing suit by summer. Have you not worked on your graduate thesis for a week? Enjoy your time off, remember what youre working for, and work harder when you start up again.

Expect to reach a point when your plateau on a weigh loss program, get bored with the great novel you are writing, or get tired of depriving yourself of some wants to save for that dream vacation. When you reach that point, accept it, know that it happens to everyone and if you dont allow discouragement to set in, you can soon pick up where you left off.

Dont beat yourself up if you dont make your goals, set new ones, and keep your eyes on the final prize, that one big goal you have been working for and then enjoy your life.

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You lead a balance life?

2007-07-16T13:23:00.001+08:00

Have you ever think to yourself or ask yourself whether you lead a
balance life or not? Or to the Muslim, may be the right question is
whether you balance the "dunia" and the "akhirat"?

As for me, as a Muslim, no, not balance. I think I focus more on the
"dunia" things compared to the "akhirat" things. But why am I leading
this not balance life when I am totally aware that this "dunia" is only
temporary, akhirat jua yang kekal selamanyer.

And what did I do in my daily life to ensure that I've got the best
place in "akhirat" later? And how many % of my life did I spend on this?
Have you ever think of this?

The world is a temporary thing, it is an examination hall where you'll
sit for the exam and if you get good grade, you'll go to "syurga" and if
you don't, you'll go to hell. And I knew this right from the beginning
and still I did not study for the exam.

Isn't weird?

Regards,
Rahayu

Yesterday - The beatles

2007-05-29T07:54:00.001+08:00

Yesterday
(Lennon/McCartney)

Lead vocal: Paul

~~~

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm.

Regards,
Rahayu

Kasih ibu

2007-05-11T13:41:00.001+08:00

Writing this for Komuniti OKU.

Assalammualaikum to all muslims members and Salam sejahtera to all non muslims members

Pagi tadi saya dengar radio Sinar dan dengar luahan hati Dr Kamal. Dr Kamal bercakap mengenai kasih ibunya terhadapnya. Tentang bagaimana ibunya meninggalkan dia di sebuah asrama untuk pelajar buta di Pulau Pinang ketika umur 8 tahun, dan ditinggalkan di bawah jagaan orang asing. Sebagai tanda protes, dia menghantukkan kepalanya ke dinding, kena 13 jahitan. Saya rasa saya boleh bayangkan perasaan ibu Dr Kamal ketika itu. Ibu mana yang ingin berjauhan dengan anaknya. Ibu mana yang mahu membiarkan anaknya keseorangan. Kalau boleh seorang ibu mahu anaknya sentiasa di depan matanya. Tetapi kerana dia seorang ibu juga, dia mahu yang terbaik buat anaknya dan kerana itu ibu berkorban dan merelakan perpisahan dia dengan anaknya. Kalau anda seorang ibu, anda akan tahu bagaimana perasaannya.

Dan Dr Kamal, ibu anda pasti sangat berbangga dengan anda.

Dan kepada semua yang masih mempunyai ibu,

Ibu anda mungkin bukan ibu yang terbaik di dunia, ibu anda juga mungkin bukan seperti yang anda mahukan, ibu anda mungkin banyak kelemahan pada pandangan mata anda dan anda mungkin kerap kali bertelingkah dengan ibu anda dan tidak faham mengapa ibu anda melakukan sesetengah perkara. Jika ini yang berlaku, anda tidak perlu memahami ibu anda, anda hanya perlu mengasihi dan menyokong ibu anda. Mungkin suatu hari nanti, apabila anda dapat melihat ibu dengan mata hati anda, melihat ibu dengan penuh kasih sayang, mungkin nanti anda akan dapat memahami ibu anda.

Saya hanya memahami hati ibu apabila saya sendiri bergelar ibu.

Dan sementara ibu masih ada, kasihanilah ibu, kerana walau macammanapun ibu anda, dia tetap punya hak terhadap kasih sayang anda. Dengan itu berikanlah hak ibu, bukan hanya pada hari ibu…..

Hey, Don't forget your brother Adibah!

2007-05-04T15:54:00.000+08:00

Adibah, how could you forget your lovely Abang....no no no don't bend your head, stay, we're taking photo here. Okay, don't bend.....I would have to hold your neck my dear.....stay we're taking photo......

Okay, please take my photo!!

2007-05-04T15:52:00.000+08:00

Okay, everybody, please take my photo. I am so ready. Please take as many as you wish.

Please don't take my photo - Adibah

2007-05-04T15:42:00.000+08:00

Adibah not willing her photo taken. Please don't, please ......hey, pleaselah...please help me out of the stroller....i want to go out....

I have abandoned this blog

2007-04-25T13:34:00.001+08:00

Today, I felt lazy, bored and wondering what it's like if this is my
last day working with this company. Today, is my friend's last day here.
And today when I woke up in the morning, the first thing that came into
my mind is how do I felt if I were in my friend's shoes. Wondering, when
would be my last day.......

I believed, I need to go out too, I need to see new environment, see new
peoples, do new things....after 7 years, I am exhausted, not because of
the work but because of the environment may be...so in order to move on,
I need to tender my resignation and get out from here.

But that does not come in soon, as I have a lot of other obstacles
before I can make that 1 decision that may help to change my entire
life.

Anyway, life goes on, so I need to think of how to make my life a lot
interesting, exciting?? And life is about making choices...so, what am I
doing here?

Regards,
Rahayu

My lovely Adibah

2007-02-26T16:19:00.000+08:00

I really like this photo of Adibah because she's looking at the camera, making her looks like a normal kid. It is very difficult to get her to look at the camera, of course she's blind. Anyway, really loves the photo and loves Adibah very much, of course. The world may not be for her, but paradise is a gurantee for her.

Jejaka Idaman Malaya

2007-02-26T15:35:00.000+08:00

The photo of 2 jejaka Idaman Malaya :-)

A walk in the cloud

2007-02-12T15:31:00.000+08:00

A walk in the cloud

Emmm....lately I've been very busy, with work especially....no more time to spend on the blog. Anyway, last week, when I was at home at night watching TV, I've bump into a movie title "A walk in a cloud", Keanu Reeves is the actor. Hmmm the title sounds familiar....Then suddenly I've remembered, it was, more then 10 years ago, when I was in the first year in UTM. We have to attend English class and in this English class, we have buddy. This buddy functioned as a person that will listen to what we called as short essay that we used to write in the class. It was fun because I have Haresh as my buddy and he was handsome too.....

But then Haresh has to leave UTM, to a new college somewhere is KL area. After he left UTM, for a first few month we still keep in touch and one day we go out for a date. Hahahaha....I couldn't imagine going out with someone like Haresh, but then I did. And we watch movie...I wanted to watch "a walk in the cloud" but Haresh said he did not like that movie. Actually I did not know that movie is about what and I only know that Keanu Reeves is in that movie. So, on that day, we did not watched Keanu Reeves but we watched another movie that I can't remembered what the title is…..

The ironic thing is, after more then 10 years, I finally got a chance to watch that movie. And that night, I’ve watched “A walk in the cloud” till to the end. I hope one day I’ll meet Haresh, but I don’t think we will recognize each other, since we’re not so close in those old days and of course many things have changed since we last met. Anyway, I still hope that when we meet each other one day, we will knew each other or at least feels it in the heart J

Regards,

Rahayu

Over stress :-(

2006-12-26T09:13:00.001+08:00

Recently, I was over stressed. Nurul Adibah's health is not so good and as usual I was so worried until I got sick. I can control myself when it comes to other things but when it is about my children health, my worries level increased to an alarming level, to the level that I can't control. It looks like my stress level depends on my children health level. Hmmm it is not good when your body condition rely on a factor that you can't control or may be difficult to control, like health issues. May be I often felt like I've already try my best to take care of them, but still they fall sick. So, it is about frustration too.

Anyway, I am glad that they recovered, Alhamdullillah. This is only a bit, small test from Allah S.A.W and it seems like I couldn't handle it.....Hah What if there's bigger, challenging test????

Nothing else matters

2006-11-22T08:19:00.000+08:00

I really love this song, especially at the part “Forever trusting who we are and nothing else matter”. I think this is very true. Yeah, if you believed in yourself, fix your stand and hold it tight, then what others said does not matter anymore. Because sometimes, we cared so much for what others have to say, till we abandoned our own rights, feelings and do the things to please others but deep inside we’re suffering. But provided the things that you do is the right things lah….if not you’ll be known as someone called “bodoh sombong”.

Anyway, really love the song!!

So close, no matter how far

Couldn't be much more from the heart

Forever trusting who we are

and nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way

Life is ours, we live it our way

All these words I don't just say

and nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you

Every day for us something new

Open mind for a different view

and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do

never cared for what they know

but I know

So close, no matter how far

Couldn't be much more from the heart

Forever trusting who we are

and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do

never cared for what they know

but I know

Never opened myself this way

Life is ours, we live it our way

All these words I don't just say

Trust I seek and I find in you

Every day for us, something new

Open mind for a different view

and nothing else matters

never cared for what they say

never cared for games they play

never cared for what they do

never cared for what they know

and I know

So close, no matter how far

Couldn't be much more from the heart

Forever trusting who we are

No, nothing else matters

Redha

2006-11-16T13:10:00.000+08:00

I almost cried when I was on my way to work last Monday. I felt clueless, bored, hate myself for having to do the same routine every Monday to Friday. Furthermore, I felt like my current job is not a value-added job, not interesting and blah blah blah....(all the grievances).

Life is about making choices, so why am I here, why do I have to come to work? I keep on questioning myself as though I did know the answers. I knew the answers. I, precisely, deeply knew all the answers and I am fully aware...

Remember that Milli Vanilli (do I get the name correct?) song?

Blame it on the rain yeah yeah...whatever you do, don't put the blame on you...just blame it on the rain yeah yeah....

Something wrong with the lyrics but don't bother, the main point is "blame it on the rain". Although I fully understand and aware why I am here, why I have to do the routine job, still I blame it on the rain and not myself instead. Hahaha….as if the rain running my life :-( The “rain” here is my job. I blame it on my job and not me myself. Hmmmm…..sounds familiar? It is often and very easy for you to blame on others instead of yourself, although the main actor here is you. Yes, under certain circumstances “others” are applicable but a lot of time, is only “you”. You have to be responsible for the things that you have chosen. You are responsible on your own life; of course, this is common sense. But I felt, along the way in life, the common sense seems to be drifted, left behind.

And that is what happened to me on last Monday morning. I knew, I have a dream and my lifepartner have the same dream. We have common goals and we are heading towards it. We plan, we put effort and Allah S.A.W will then decide what is best for us. And when we “redha” with what He has decided best for us, nothing else will matter!!

Are we still in love?

2006-11-15T13:02:00.000+08:00

This is wrote somewhere in Aug 2004.

Matahari tetap bersinar
Semuanya masih sama
Tapi aku terasa berbeza
Seolah-olah kehilangan sesuatu
Keghairahan itu mungkin
Keghairahan yang mengundang suatu rasa yang unik
Yang menjadikan aku ternanti-nanti waktu
Yang mendorong jantung ku bergetar seribu
Perasaan itu terlalu sukar diluahkan
Telalu indah terlalu istimewa
Dan kini mungkin rasa itu sedikit hambar
Mungkin rasa itu tidak dibaja tidak dipanaskan
Lantaran rasa itu sejuk, dingin dan kaku
Walau rasa itu terlalu relevan dalam hubungan ini
Dan kita seringkali terlupa untuk mengundang rasa itu
Kerana kita terlupa untuk bercinta…..sentiasa!

Looking at the bright side

2006-11-14T16:21:00.001+08:00

This short article is wrote in Dec 2005 for Komuniti OKU.

Looking at the bright side!

Last Saturday, I've spent a day at St Nicholas, Penang. A place which are
now specialize for the multiple disabilities children. It was fun! I and my
family, enjoyed every single moments. Many thanks to the teachers,
organizers and of course, to those whom funded the program. I wished that
one day I'll be able to organize and fund such program too....hahaha...may
my dream comes true!

Okay, let's look at the bright side...

When I was there, I've seen many children and their families with different
stories. The true story of life, the story of disabilities, of love,
passion. A few of them are only blind and many of them having more than one
disability. Parents with a visual impaired child will surely be grateful
when they looked at those children who are deaf-blind. So, if you are blind
compared to the deaf-blind, do you consider your ability to hear as a
special gift or you are very busy complaining about your blindness until you
forget to appreciate and make full use of what you have?

There are also parents, with only one child, and their only child, is a
multiple disable child. So, to the parents who got many normal kids and only
one disable kid, do you consider your normal child as a precious gift or you
often felt unfortunate because of having one disable kid?

I've met Celvi too! A deaf-blind child, about 8 or 9 years old. Celvi was
adopted by St Nicholas. Before this, she stayed at the welfare home at Bukit
Mertajam if I'm not mistaken. So, Celvi is an orphan, no parents.
Hmmmmm......She's a multiple disable child, she got no parents. I told
myself, what could be worse! So, whether you are normal or a disable, do you
appreciate your parents? Your parents might not be perfect, not the kind of
parents that you wished to have, but still they are your parents and nothing
will change that.

So, let's look at the bright side.

Often in life, things happened not the way we want it to be, not according
to our desire. So, be tough, feed your mind, be mentally and emotionally
prepared. And looked down to the people below you. There are many obstacles
in life, so we need to learn to tackle the obstacle, to choose how to
response to it, the response that will benefit you most!

Lantaran Hati Yang Mati

2006-11-14T08:18:00.000+08:00

This is wrote in Apr 2003 for Relexjap Yahoogroup

Lantaran Hati yang Mati

Lantaran hati yang mati
manusia itu sekadar memandang
mempersoal bertanya berdebat
dan duduk diam
Lantaran hati yang mati
manusia itu berperasaan simpati (mungkin) tapi sekadar perasaan tidak diterjemahkan tiada tindakan dan duduk diam
Lantaran hati yang mati
manusai itu tetap merasa
tercabar terhina
tetapi manusia itu tetap bergembira
kerana ini bukan yang pertama kali
manusia itu barangkali sudah lali
hidup mewah seperti biasa
tetapi ketika terasa semula
tiada air mata
dan duduk diam
Lantaran hati yang mati
manusia itu tetap lantang bersuara
berdebat tentang jihad
tetapi tiada jihad
berdebat tentang agama
mengkritik mengutuk
dan lagi dan lagi
sekadar suara kedengaran
suara bukan dari hati
hanya sekadar dari naluri simpati
atau mungkin hipokrit
kerana hati direlakan mati
supaya nikmat dunia tidak terhenti
dan akhirnya manusia itu tetap
duduk diam.......

Nurul Adibah 2 years

2006-11-14T08:07:00.000+08:00

This is wrote somewhere in Oct 2006. I've wrote it for Komuniti OKU.

Dear friends,

It has been a while since the last update on Nurul Adibah that I’ve sent to this group. Now, Nurul Adibah is already 2 years old. To me, she is so cute, so lovely, she is just so special in her own way. Of course every mother would felt the same way to their loved ones.

At this age, for a normal toddler, they can already walk and talk. For Nurul Adibah, the best she can do is to use her head and her legs to more forward. When the head reached the wall or block by something, meaning cannot push forward anymore, she will ask for help by crying. She is so expert moving herself in that manner to explore the house. And when the legs reached the door’s curtain, she will smile like saying “Ahah…something is there”, and she will push the curtain with her legs, like playing with the curtain. Her legs are much stronger than her hand because she do a lot of things with her legs (she always refuse to hold anything with her hand, even the feeding bottle). And sometimes, when the head knock to something, like chair, she did not cry but she will rub her head (at the contact point) with her hand and will not move towards that direction anymore. As per the malay saying , cepat serik.

Although she can’t hear, she can’t see, she can still smile. She smiles a lot and makes a lot of unknown noises too J When she’s busy playing on her own, shaking the hand and the legs, and then you come near her, she will stop as if she saw you coming near her and she will remain static for a while until you touch her. I think she can feel the wind and that is how she knew, if there’s anybody moving towards her. Another method that she used to understand her environment is by using her tongue; she always wet the ball J

Last year, GH Penang referred Nurul Adibah to HUKM. The purpose is to see if she can do/qualified for the cochlea implant for the ear. GH Penang intention is very good, they want to improve her hearing. Thus, they sent us to HUKM. But there’s nothing much HUKM can do, as the implant will only serve the purpose if the child having good IQ. The implant will serve no meaning, if the brain can’t help to interpret the sound/noise. We fully understand this. According to the GMC pediatrician, Nurul Adibah may be having Congenital Rubella Syndrom. Therefore, the brain may not be so good and that the cochlea implant may not be able to help her.

Whatever……..this is the best that Allah had decided for Nurul Adibah and for us, me, my husband and for Afiq too, Adibah’s elder brother. Afiq often asked when Adibah’s will be able to walk, why she took too long to grow up compared to others and why she did not look at him whenever he talked to her. But he loved her so much, of course. He often said “Adibah jangan nangis yer, Abang ada sini”. And you knew, Adibah will not be able to hear him.

Having Nurul Adibah is one thing. I think I can handle that already but then when all these questions asked by Afiq… it often broke my heart. Yes, sometimes when he asked too many question, it felt like it is much more difficult to handle him than her. Now Afiq is 5 years old. I’ve decided to tell him about Adibah soon. I’ll find a right time, to tell him….

Huhhh….life is not easy, but for every obstacle there are always solutions. And when you felt down, upset, look at others below you, you’ll surely felt grateful. This is what I always tell myself! May be you guys can do the same thing too. Try, it might work for you too.

Till we meet again.

It's my blog!!

2006-11-13T13:17:00.000+08:00

Wahh exciting...this is my blog, finally......

And this is my first posting. Bestnyerrr....before this I used to dream of having my own blog but because I keep on thinking that a not-really-computer-literate-person like me not qualified to have own blog hahaha...how pathetic!

Actually I used to think that it is really difficult to have one, but keep questioning why everbody has one and why I don't have any (the subject is "blog" here).

Anyway, this is exciting and I will surely enjoyed this :-)